Top 10 Lessons of 2006

I hate Year-End Lists.

So here's one: The Top Ten Things We Learned About Puerto Rico in 2006:

(In the Letterman-brilliant fashion of a countdown...)


10) Our ballplayers are no longer Kings of the Diamond. With the exception of Iván Rodríguez, who is still the best catcher in the Bigs, Our baseballers are good, maybe great, but We don't have as many powerhouse players as We used to. Still, Carlos Delgado and Carlos Beltrán delivered big-time.

9) We can't even treat a pretty woman right. Miss Universe 2006 had to be escorted by security guards away from an event meant to honor her (in her hometown, no less) because the crowd got impatient, then violent. I'm all for mussing up royalty, but if We're going to act like winning a beauty title is some sort of impressive achievement, can't We at least have the sense and decency to honor it properly?

8) The status of Puerto Rico is null. Forget "The status is not an issue" as an elections slogan: Our status has the appeal and value of maggoty meat loaf. Congress pokes it because We poke them and We poke each other with it because it's easier than going out and actually doing something to change Our Island.

7) Our blogosphere is coming of age. I have barely dipped into the local blog scene, but it certainly is gaining ground. I follow The Information Soldier and lament the loss of Portal al X-cito, but every once in a while I'll drop by other sites. As expected, most are in Spanish, but some excellent views appear in English. Check the growing community at Puerto Rico Blogalaxia. (And yes, The Jenius is still the best blog in Puerto Rico.)

6) Our teachers have a trashy sense of duty. They folded like a cheap house of bad report cards when--barely two weeks from finishing the school year--the government shut down. Instead of providing a shining example of duty and responsibility (risk-free because they were going to get paid anyway), the trash-talkers got an extra 2-3 weeks of paid vacation time. Mi escuelita, mi escuelita...

5) Stupid Rosselló. Not only did state-hood-er Pedro "STUPID!" Rosselló lead the most corrupt misAdministration in Our history, he is by self-admission the stupidest governor in Our history, for he continues his indefensible stance of "not knowing what was happening" while indefensibly claiming he was "a strong leader." The only way those two mutually-exclusive options can be reconciled is by annexing (Get it?! Get it?!! Annexing!! I'm shriekingly funny!!) STUPID to his name: Pedro Stupid Rosselló.

4) Speaking of corruption, We've now accepted it as natural. Back in 2003, the local Government Ethics Office (a trash can behind a whorehouse in Old San Juan) estimated that corruption cost Puerto Rico 10% of its roughly $21 billion budget. That's over 2 billion dollars, people. Thanks to #5--Stupid Rosselló--who perfected what previous misAdministrations had amateurishly pulled off, We can now count on 10, 15, maybe as much as 25% of Our monies going to child molesters, rapists, nincompoops, drug panderers and outright thieves. We were never "zero tolerance" about corruption, but it's a far cry from Our current "two-zero" (20%) tolerance.

3) On the subject of money, the sales tax was/is grand scale thievery. If the sales tax rape of Our pocketbooks doesn't cause a massive upheaval for change in Our favor, We can expect more of the same and watch Our future dwindle to ashes.

2) Our government is out of control. The unneeded, profiteering shutdown of Our government for what proved to be NO reason at all bears the visual imagery of drunken monkeys waving loaded Uzis in an orphanage. Progressive countries cut taxes; We raise them. Progressive governments seek to relieve business burdens; We increase them. Progressive governments shift priorities for growth; Our government shafts Us and Our priorities to grow their own coffers. It is time to let the drunken monkeys know that "You live because We allow you to, not because you have a right to."

1) We learned that "We have met The Fools, and they is Us." Ah, Pogo.


The Jenius Has Spoken.