Puerto Rico As A Province Of China: An Extended Look With Captain High

From a recent post in which I suggested that Puerto Rico should become a province of China came some comments made by Captain High. In the exchange the good Captain brought up some questions and points that merited a more thoughtful set of responses than the space allotted by Blogger. So I moved the salient section here, with Captain High's comments in bold and Mine in some combination that the NSA probably thinks is a code.


a) What is the draw for China?
Making Puerto Rico their new province means acquiring territory that combines an economic advantage (to be determined, but largely based on privileged access to the U.S. of part of A. economy) and a political thumb in the eye of that same rival.

b) More importantly, how do you suppose that this state of affairs would come to be a reality? Do you believe, for example, that the United States would really allow China to just have it? What of the military relevance the island holds? It seems unlikely that the US would be inclined to give that up, and that might be the only reason why China could want the island (I am still unclear as to what attraction Puerto Rico holds for China).
First things first: why would China want Us? The simplest answer: We are an import-dependent economy with pretty much a single-source supplier. Even with a recession, We are the 4th largest buyer of the U.S. of part of A. and We have been for a long time. And We've shown, for a long time, that We don't care that Our economy is handcuffed and hobbled so long as We get easy credit and layaway terms. If you think about it, all China would be doing is cutting out the middlemen and selling directly to Us.

Along those lines, one thing people don't understand about China is that they have been practitioners of capitalism for barely 30 years. Their culture does not have several centuries of market-based activities, so any chance Chinese businessmen can find that lets them (a) exploit a well-defined market and (b) learn to identify, enter and exploit other markets, is great.

The Chinese mentality is not that of daring leaps of imagination, but of rational increments. Puerto Rico would represent a rational increment, easily-controlled (We have been for 5 centuries, except for one day when We actually rose up and took arms in Lares and...No, that was nothing more than a tiny whisper-fart in a 500+-year windstorm), a captive market that would allow for great cash infusions once the sucking sound of U.S. of part of A. companies finish making their moves off-island and one whose highly-educated, bicultural people can serve as "faces" for Chinese interests in the New World. Are the advantages clear? Maybe not, but they certainly aren't much more obscure than those of being a screwed-up colony in the 21st century.

Now, how would this come about in reality? Although China could inquire about absorbing Us into their geopolitical sphere, like a neighbor asking about a lawn mower, but that has a 0.01% probability. The other option is We ask China if they're interested. We ask politely, formally and make sure the whole fucking world finds out within 12 hours of China receiving the inquiry. We tell them that the broadcasting of Our inquiry is not to pressure them (they won't believe Us), but to make the U.S of part of A. stop and take a good hard look at Us (they'll believe that.)

Here's the kicker: what the hell can the U.S. of part of A. do about it? Yeah, the options are plenty, but they boil down to just two angles: (1) let it happen and see where the chips fall or (2) step in and intercede...thus proving that We really have no self-determination, i.e., We're just their fucking and fucked colony.

Think about it. No matter who We petition, any obstructive response by the U.S. of part of A. will clearly define just how much "freedom" We have. Now Uncle Sam has a long, very long, history of being an obnoxious busybody jamming his nose in where it doesn't belong, and in Our case, the temptation to do so will overwhelm rationality. The best response would be to let Our petition slide by, unremarked, and back-door a response to China in 4 pages of ambassador-speak that boils down to "No way, but with the right offer..."

And why would the U.S. of part of A. entertain "an offer"? Why not? Since 1898, no territory on the continent or off of it has ever waited 116 years (and counting...to infinity) for statehood. Hell, it took the Oklahoma Territory until 1907 only because it was given as a sop to Native Americans and when Congress got tired of that charade, they scattered the remaining tribes someplace else. Statehood for Puerto Rico is as likely as smoking being the only cure for cancer. 

I once said Cuba had a better chance of becoming a state (closer to the mainland, larger than PR, still has exploitable resources, slaps communism down and many stateside Cubans are wealthy businesspeople) and now I'd toss in Panama, too (the Canal and its shipping-crucial access). Puerto Rico no longer has any military value in this age of 2,000-mile ranged missiles, drones and subs that can circle the planet without coming up for anything. Would it be a threat to the U,S, of part of A. to have a Chinese province in the Caribbean? Yeah, but so fucking what? They've had a Communist island-nation barely 100 miles away since 1959, so yeah, they can get over it.

Once again, We're back to why China would want Us. Here's My final point on this: We won't know unless We ask. Like many great deals, this one could come about from imagination, seizing opportunity or sheer chutzpah.

Then there is this: al jazeera article.
Al-Jazeera loves to pretend objectivity while slashing away with hidden agenda razors. As with Our media, both gringa and boricua, I take the "Uh-huh, Let's see what unfurls" stance. The article is not bad, it's just not good enough to be truly useful.

Tourism? Maybe, if Puerto Rico could - in terms of land mass - sustain it, it would be more along the lines of creating jobs for the Chinese migrants to take.
So? It would mean an influx of people who want build a new life/career on Our soil, bolstered by Chinese investment, with a common goal of making Our island better. What's the downside? That We'd have to learn Chinese? Puh-lease. We haven't learned English in 116 years (and counting), so My over/under on Chinese is in the 4-digit range.

Immigration is one of the few truly productive economic forces, provided the process is largely even-handed. We're losing folks at a rate of some 260,000 a year, many of them well-prepared and capable. It would be nice to turn that outflow around, even if the inflow is just "filling gaps," a notion that makes enormous sense for a culture that currently has one way into PR: working as an indentured employee in Our version of Chinese restaurants.

There must be hundreds of thousands of Chinese who would love a chance to make a new life for themselves and their families, away from the regimented policies of their home districts, but still within a disciplined system. And as for taking jobs away from Us, puh-lease. We're too bumfuck lazy and coddled to pick coffee or clean streets or do heavy manual labor because, you know, We're boricuas pa' que tú lo sepas. The Chinese wouldn't be "stealing" jobs: they'd be doing the jobs My Brethren think are beneath them. That's called "the immigrant experience" and it has happened for centuries around the world.

The hidden part in all this: the Chinese will eventually force Us to work harder and better, because they play a long game and We don't. It's only a matter of time before their vision starts pushing Us aside. Is this a bad thing? No. Since We haven't learned that We can do things on Our own without sucking on Uncle Sam's dic--tatorial fiats, We'll have to learn to do it by watching the Chinese come here, learn Our ways and beat Us on Our own playing field. They've already done a good job with eateries: I'm betting they can teach Us a lot more.

About My original tourism point, We're no longer the #1 U.S. of part of A. tourism destination in the Caribbean. We have the potential to receive about 9 million tourists a year and We're barely in the 3.8 million visitor range (the Dominican Republic gets more European tourists than We get total tourists). The thing is, a large chunk of gringos are just passing through to what they think are more interesting destinations. Can We get 3 million Chinese to drop in every year, as a start? Just 3 million from a "market" that's probably in the 275-350 million range...and growing? Shit, even Our feckless hyena horde of a government can set something up that can manage those paltry numbers. Then the Chinese come in, play their game and ramp it up to world-class status in a decade. Economic progress ensues.

And you can not forget to note that although they have invested money into Africa, they did not actually colonize it (or express an interest in doing so). For lack of need, want or capacity...
I haven't forgotten that. What the Chinese have done with this general policy is three-fold: (1) Provide financing where Western nations/institutions have refused; (2) Secured strong(er) positions on key resources, and (3) Provided an outlet for Chinese rural workers unable to participate in their country's growing but still localized (urban) economy.

Many of China's investments in Africa have been of the "We'll do everything" type, from financing to workers, support crews, shipping and logistics. When finished, they leave. The reasons range from practical and economical to political and cultural, but a key point is: none of the African countries they have invested in is truly stable. That's why they were able to get in in the first place, but that's a good reason to stay out afterwards.

Puerto Rico is not Africa, or at least, not like post-colonial African countries in strife. We're a colony, but We have an economic and political stability that matches that of South Africa, for example. If the Chinese could find a way to invest strongly in South Africa, they would jump at it, for an opportunity like that combines stability and safety. Puerto Rico would represent a stable and safe investment environment, modeled on U.S. of part of A. practices, thus allowing a new way of exploring business options within the largest export market China has (single nation, as the European Union is larger).

It is nice to entertain possibilities, but at the end of the day you need to be realistic about what is probable.
Here's the thing, Cap: I am being realistic. Very much so. At the risk of beating the dusty remains of a dead horse: statehood for Puerto Rico is not going to happen, ever. Ever. Period.

Here's another stark reality: Our "Let them make the choice" attitude is fucking stupid. "They" don't want to choose, don't care to choose, can't be bothered to even think about choosing what Our new status should be.

One more: Our idea that We can force them to change Our status is even more fucking stupid. They hold almost all the cards and they know it. They also have the wallet that too many of My Brethren worship. "Force" them? Yeah, that's like tugging a warship with a wet noodle.

Another one: We don't believe We can go it alone. No: We are terrified of even trying to go it alone. Like children, We romp and prance and pretend, but when it comes time to act like an adult and take on the risks and responsibilities thereof, We hide beneath Uncle Sam's skirt or bury Our faces in Our hands. That's fucking pathetic, but it's reality, pure and simple.

So what's left, Captain? The U.S. of part of A. doesn't want Us in their over-valued republic, We don't want to take Our rightful place as a nation on the world stage and We are nothing but a fucking and fucked colony. What's left is to make Our decision and find another partner/owner, because nothing more will satisfy Us. That means We hitch Our little wagon behind some other horse's ass, but choosing one that at least feels happier about Our load.

Yes, We could petition Spain, again, but have you seen their economy? How about Germany, the banker of Europe? But have you seen their investment policies in foreign economies? Japan was once an expansive economic powerhouse and that was the first choice of this idea back in the 1980s. (Yes, the 1980s.) Now Japan is a shell and they need immigrants, not the other way around.

Go ahead: pick an economy somewhere in the world and compare it to China. Because that's what it boils down to: economics. My Brethren have always based their votes on their wallets and purses and live in the fantasy world of political bullshit that promises many rich trappings and delivers mainly bitch slappings.

Realistic? I'm all over realistic. It's the rest of Us that are tripeando con kechup.



The Jenius Has Spoken.


P.S. - Doing research after writing this post--I am a Jenius, you know--I encountered this Mike Robles post hinting that the U.S. of part of A.holds  on to Us to avoid massive China investment here. His angle is more "shot in the dark" witty than "pie in the sky" solution, but it has its own charm. And I borrowed the dual flag pin above from his site, so thanks, Mike.

[Update: 6 December 2014: Hey, gringos, wake the hell up! "The Chinese economy just overtook the United States economy to become the largest in the world. For the first time since Ulysses S. Grant was president, America is no longer the leading economic power on the planet."]

Puerto Rico's New Tax """Reform""" Explained

This won't take long...

We currently have a Sales/Use Tax, called IVU locally, equivalent to 7%, with 5.5% being "national" and 1.5% being "municipal." Now some municipalities don't charge the 1.5%, or do so to a lesser extent, so the effective rate can vary from 5.5% to 7%, except when the defective excuse for a pimple-headed (mis)government We have cancels the whole shebang when a storm threatens 380 miles away and people then go nuts buying flat-screen Sonys.

Now the IVU tax is applied at retail/use, but in effect, as I predicted looooong ago (you can look it up), the price impact was not 7% or even 8%, but actually 13.2% overall. Why? Because taxing things causes economic friction that consumers ultimately have to pay for. It's one of the very few things economists really know and can prove.

And the IVU tax did not--repeat: did not--generate the expected/projected revenue. Why? Taxing anything--even whoring--causes economic activity to decline and the local economy went cash-centric so fast it made flea markets sprout like mushroom. In essence, the underground economy got better, another trend The Jenius predicted.

Now the """tax reform""" intends to change the Sales/Use tax using a Value-Added Tax, to be called IVA, applied not only at the back-end (retailer and consumer), but at the front end as well (importer and wholeseller).

The idea, according to the pimple-headed peabrains further mucking Our Future up is to generate more revenue for them to pocket and waste egregiously. It's what they do. What they claim, with faces as straight as a pendejo can ever get, is that this will actually help the economy.

Do tell.

That's like claiming that adding pus to coffee makes it café con leche.

With a tax applied from import all the way to retail, one to be collected at every stage, these disgusting excuses for humanity carefully avoid stating the obvious: prices will rise. They have to, because no one in the supply chain is going to take a loss when they can pass it on to the next link. And the ultimate payee is Us, the consumer. Again and again and again.

Welcome to Our New Economy, which won't last long because We now have a new tax on oil that the pimple-headed pricks have used to issue more debt and there's talk of actually increasing the percentages of the current IVU.

Oh, you thought the IVA would replace the IVU? No no no no, it will be added.

And yet, the pimple-headed pus-dripping pukefaces still pretend like Our economy will be rocketed upward, like nitro in Our fuel tank.

Beating a metaphor to death: Our fuel tank is ripped, Our engine blew out long ago and the """"pilots"""" are worse than cross-eyed leeches when it comes to making progress.

The Jenius Has Spoken.

Pick A Problem, Any Problem

Woke up a little earlier than usual and sat on the balcony. I'd made coffee and while I waited for it to cool, I took in the unfamiliar scene of My Street coming to life just past dawn.

I thought about health centers seeking federal funds and how to expand their reach to under-served communities, a task made more problematic by the lack of doctors and nurses. According to a 2013 study, We have 18% fewer doctors for every 10,000 people than We did in 2005.

I thought about the declining performance of Our public schools and how several efforts were being made to expand classroom offerings to include art, music, theater and dance. The main obstacle was, as ever, the Department of (Mis)Education, mummified in stupidity and centralized to the point of jamming its own moronic head up its own fetid cloaca.

I sipped some coffee.

A local agricultural cooperative was trying to come up with a revenue stream that could sustain small farm and ranch efforts. Their primary focus was federal funds, but the bureaucracy to qualify for proper registrations was apparently going to take another 4-8 months, extending the effort into its second year. The members, down to 17 from a high of 39, were close to letting the whole thing fade away. Like the other four cooperatives did, all of them overwhelmed by red tape measured in miles and months rather than pixels and minutes.

More coffee.

Should I blog about Our misbegotten excuse for an economy? Political claptrap? The continued collapse of what passes for journalism on My Island? The impending meltdown of Our infrastructure?

Finished the coffee. Sat for a few minutes, with other problems flitting in and out of the picture I was trying to make sense of. The minutes became longer as the list grew.

Can't solve them all, or even most of them. Not by Myself.

Ann Marie Sastry

So I picked one.

Got to work.

Hopefully tomorrow I'll sleep late.



The Jenius Has Spoken.

Power(balling) Our Economy, Boricua Style

Look, it's no secret My island is deep in debt. Bankrupt, even. Forty-plus years of political pillaging stacked atop a colonial economy trying to play 3D chess with tic-tac-toe tools and a populace more focused on gossip and innuendo than gains and innovation makes for a sad portrait of heavily-despairing economic distress.

So what does the syphilitic hyena pack of an excuse for an alleged government We have (elected) do to try to clean up the fetid muck of Our economy? Powerball Us.

Yes, Powerball. A lottery. Or in Our case, another lottery that balls Us.

No, Let's be precise: another fucking lottery.

We have the traditional Puerto Rican lottery, sold mainly by elderly folks sitting on stools outside supermarkets, mall entrances, drug stores and alongside roads with major traffic. We have scratchers, with maybe two dozen variants, all of them with prizes that almost certainly don't match the printed odds. (Am I implying that the government is cheating Us? Hell yeah I am. Try to find the actual payout data on these scratch lottery games. Go ahead.)

We have the Pega 3 and Pega 4 to go with the Loto Electrónica, a Pick 6 game. These are now twice a day, so you can get your gaming fix a little more often. Yeah.

Then We have that abortion of fiscal policy known as the "IVU Loto," a lottery based on the sales tax. We already know this lamebrain excuse for a tax collection system is corrupt, so Let's move on, shall We?

Just to be thorough, I'll add the illegal numbers game known as bolita, played by many of My Brethren and the reason Pega 3 was introduced. If you count scratchers as individual games of $1-$5 each, We have 10 legal lotteries ($1, $2, $3, $4, $5, traditional, Pega 3, Pega 4, Electrónica and IVU Loto; you're welcome, staheooders...) and bolita. So in an """economic policy""" that can only be ascribed to the "cheaper by the dozen" school of useless blathering (a.k.a. economics), We now have Powerball.

Of course, to make it different from Loto Electrónica, it has to be BIGGER, BOLDER and MORE LOADED with MONEY. Our Powerball is linked to other Powerball lotteries Stateside, proving that (1) politicians in other places are also greedy bottom feeders and (2) taxes on stupidity have huge participants.

Lotteries have been accurately described as "taxes on stupidity" because they prey on people who eschew rationality and common sense in favor of being consumer drones. Or to state it briefly, folks who choose stupid over smart. The sales pitch for these games is basically "Why not you?" to which the smart response is "Because it's not bloody likely, pal." The irrational, knee-jerk absence of thought reaction is "Yeah, why not?" To which the numbers reply: "It's not bloody likely, pal."

Here's the short version, for Loto Electrónica (Pick 6, numbers from 1 to 42): 6/42 x 5/41 x 4/40 x 3/39 x 2/38 x 1/37. Let Wikihow give you the basic process while I give you the end result: 1 in 5,263,158.

You have 1 chance in 5,263,158 of winning the $2 million prize. (The Powerball format has even worse odds.) And have you noticed that the chances exceed the prize by more than 2-to-1? In casinos, that's called "the house's edge," but in state-run lotteries, it's called "even better stealing from the stupid." .

People play lotteries for "the easy win," and the ads for these games play right into that fantasy. Yes, somebody is going to win the prize--eventually--but the odds clearly say that millions of players will lose and mostly one will win. Now realistically, what group do you think you will be in: the millions who play and lose or the handful that wins?

Most people think they will be in the "lucky handful." That's stupid. And they pay for the privilege of being so stupid.

And Our government--hack cough retch--feeds ravenously off Our stupid people. We vote them in, let them run Our Island into the proverbial wretched hell of financial insolvency and We keep throwing money best used for Our growth to temporarily line their colons. (Yeah, I'm implying that they are shitting Our money away.)

Instead of seeking solutions that call for Us to take clear-eyed stock of where We are and start making the hard choices needed to get on track, We are told to bend over 'cause the Powerballing is about to begin!

To quote a funny guy from long ago: I wish I had a tank.



The Jenius Has Spoken.

A Jenius Solution To The Puerto Rico Status Problem

Puerto Rico should become a province of China.

The Jenius could stop right there and let My Brethren debate that simple statement, but given the pajas mentales that pass for political debate on My Island, I'll have to provide some context.

First, Let's dismiss the long-suffered fartfest spewed by the three major gangs/herds that address Our status issue. The statehooder party's drooling solution is to bellyflop north and kneel to beg Uncle Sam to shove his Big Co...ngress into Our ass...ociated free state in exchange for nothing but an already-paid for bill of goods. Commonwealthers don't offer a solution--they claim one is already in place, the morons--and offer instead a whiny pitiful plea of "Gimme more" while offering nothing in exchange, an effort reminiscent of nothing better than a tired bulimic whore with a bored pimp. And the independence party checked out two decades ago and can only be bothered to stir their collective shit-for-brains ridiculousness every 4 years when the election gravy train spits out those so-terribly-"""hated""" U.S. of part of A. dollars that they guzzle down exactly like a dog eats its own vomit.

Done and done and done. Since none of these gangs/herds is aimed anywhere near finding a solution, the idea of Puerto Rico becoming a province of China can take a step forward and become a true topic of debate.

The salient points are:

1) The U.S. of part of A. doesn't want Us. For a recap of whys, just click the "Status" label in the word-cloud on the right, enter "status" or "statehood" in The Jenius Search box or Google "Jenius statehood". The arguments you'll find are drop-dead undeniable and spot-on correct. (Spoiler alert: Statehood for Puerto Rico will never happen. Ever. Full disclosure: I am 100% right on this.)

2) Given Point 1, We are more attractive to China. It is simply common sense, but look beyond the obvious. Despite its insular mentality (a trait shared by almost every country in history and particularly prevalent on islands...ahem), China is not adverse to extending its influence and even its borders to secure advantages. The country has long been a serious investor in Africa and a canny investor in North America, Europe and especially Asia.

Although a Caribbean foothold would have been a better deal a few years ago, when China was just beginning its booming phase, it is still an economic, political and even social coup. China would gain a new province, easily-controlled (this is realpolitik here, not fartfesting) through economic means and yet still a province with tremendous growth potential...for China's interests. As nearly every major decision in China is based on economics, power and preserving stability, adding Puerto Rico as a province largely fits the dominant decision-making scheme.

3) Puerto Rico's democracy is not threatening to China. We have democracy like riots have tear gas: as an occasional reminder that order should be preserved. If the purpose of democracy is to allow the people a truly representative voice in government, We have failed. Our shit-faced excuse for a government is like a slow-motion riot, with pillaging, plundering and sacking galore. So We need to tear gas these hyenas, over and over again, to wrench order from criminal chaos. Or, better yet (according to Our local zeitgeist), have someone do it for Us.

But what to My Eyes appears to be a fubar failure is a framework for success to Chinese eyes: a power class acting with feeble restraint upon a population too distracted, indifferent and uncaring to truly scrutinize their actions. Toss in a subservient media, lapdogs of power when not being truly venial, and you have a colony China can absorb without much trouble.

Unlike Hong Kong, which most Jenius readers know but My Brethren mostly don't, is currently having massive protests demanding more democracy, Puerto Rico would be less-inclined to massive riots so long as gossip-slander TV shows, subsidized beer and a month of paid holidays a year were still in play.

4) Economic potential and control are win-win-wins. The U.S. of part of A. has pretty much maxed out its investment here. China has enormous cash reserves and a need to spread its footprint around the world. When We petition Our colonial masters for the chance to become a Chinese province, the short version of their response will be: "No way--Well, if it's what you want--Your decision is final--Sorry to see you go."

Pro forma posturing and empty statements about "America", "political rights" "Founding Fathers." "compacts," "shared history," and "U.S. of part of A. interests in the Caribbean" will cover up not-so-secret meetings with China, essentially along the lines of "Take them away and keep the economy open." Done deal.

Uncle Sam will dick Us again pretending one thing and doing another, but in the end, China will get a platform in the New World, the U.S. of part of A. will still be able to rake in the dollars, albeit at a lower rate (but with fewer expenses and a more open--read "unrestricted"--economic environment) and We will be on the receiving end of billions upon billions of yuan/dollars.

Remember: Chinese culture opts for the long-term view. This isn't a lottery with a one-time payout: this is major investing for at least 25-30 years. And as for the control, yes the Chinese government will take control of Our economy, but so fucking what? We've never--never--had control of it and if We really cared about that, We would have done something about it already. Let's for once skip the hypocrisy and match words to actions, okay?

5) Yes, they are Communists and We are not. Big deal. China learned with Hong Kong that a hands-off approach can work, but expecting a culture change to adopt perceived retrograde control is too much to manage. With Puerto Rico, they have a colony with far fewer resources than Hong Kong (money-wise) and a built-in, "better level" safety net: moving Stateside. That means that most of the local population will be easily managed so long as economic conditions--controlled by the Communist government in a way not applicable to Hong Kong--provide at least a reasonable facsimile of opportunity.

Add to that this key point: the growing middle class in China's growing economy  is estimated to be about 310 million people, or roughly the population of the U.S. of part of A. Here's the one-word big-ass benefit you can focus on: tourism. Yeah, you got it.

China would do almost nothing detrimental to Our government, except make the Communist Party the ruling power. All Our parties would disappear, with maybe a few years of independentista resurgence. But like a bubble, it will pop on its own and leave only an oily slick behind. New parties would emerge, centered on a diversity of interests, a process that China would encourage as it uses Our natural lack of affinity with each other to stay divided. And within a decade, when the local economy is booming, the population drops to about 2.5 million (yes, many people will leave, but they're leaving anyway) and the China Province of the Caribbean experiment proves successful,  the """political""" debate on this point will practically define "moot."


Robert Heinlein once wrote in a novel that Hong Kong and Puerto Rico would form part of a 52-state U.S. of part of A. I nodded at Hong Kong and giggled at Puerto Rico. The best way to make something happen for yourself, when you can't make it happen by yourself, is to pit people's ambitions on you against each other. In short, a bidding war. In Our case, the current owner of My Island will bid only enough to make it seem like it wants the property, but is really only driving up the price. As for the winning bidder, all We have to do is keep reminding China that the U.S. of part of A. took over 50 years and two World Wars to turn Us into the paper tiger of Latin America. If We bet then they can't do better in 30 years, do you think they'll play to lose?

I don't.

I know the current puppet masters here and there play to win only for themselves. But as a province of China, "their" win is really and truly "Our" win. And We haven't been able to say that about Our current colonial shafting in well over 30 years...



The Jenius Has Spoken.


[Update: 23 Oct 2014: Reinforcing the economic argument, China has become the world's #1 economy in production, Look at the list and marvel at how Indonesia has moved up to #9, replacing Great Britain.]

Some Things Gotta Be Said

Long. Live. Stupidity.

However:

Example the First: The "Proto-Weasel," Our misbegotten ungovernor Alejandro García, is uncaptain of a badly-sinking ship, with Us as the long-suffering passengers. The Proto-Weasel, whose face always looks like he really wants to be evil but his mommy won't let him, allegedly hand-picked a wormy Cabinet from the dregs of pseudo-talented parasites and is now watching as plenty of them are running away so fast the vacuum threatens to suck the paint off La Fortaleza. The stupidity is rampant, but just thinking that one can "fix Puerto Rico" or "make a real difference" simply by occupying the now-ungovernor's mansion is hubris at best and sub-zero IQ at worst.


Example the Second: Speaking of sub-standard IQs, enter one Ricky "Fraud Frat" Rosselló, son of the infamous corruptiongovernor Pedro "Liar Liar" Rosselló. Like smegma from a peter (or in this case, from a pedro), Reeky is a pusbag. I don't give a rat's (f)Reeky atriopore for what goes on in the bootlicking excuse called the statehood party, but the fetid rise of Reeky Fraud Frat needs to be placed in context.

A thumbnail run of the last 5 sorry wretches stinking up La Fortaleza looks like this:

1) Pedro the Liar: Pediatric surgeon, major health agency director.
2) Sila the Quitter: Mayor of San Juan, Secretary of State, major agency director.
3) Aníbal the Jellyfish: Lawyer, representative in the House, Head Beggar in Washington.
4) Luis the Larva: Lawyer, multi-agency director, Head Beggar in Washington.
5) Alejandro the Proto-Weasel: J.D. degree, Senator and major agency director.

All of those on the list, regardless of how feckless and criminal their tenures in office were (right, Liar and Jellyfish?) came in having established themselves as somewhat useful, as having at least tried to prove themselves openly. Furthermore, they came in directly beholden to a legacy that they at least said they respected. In other words, they may have been parasitic scum, but they had certain (minimal) standards.

Now Reeky Fraud Rat skitters in. His academic degree is suspect, the """paper""" he """"""wrote"""""" was merely a case of "he was a grad monkey pair of hands," he gets a cushy job at the Medical Center for which he was as qualified as Bob the Builder and it has become obvious that Reeky Fraud does not have and will not have any standard except himself.

So answer this: what could a fetid pus-addled rodent (sorry rodents) like Reeky want with La Fortaleza?

Only one thing: whatever it can get as fast as it can get it. Fuck everything else.

And the stupid excuse for a stupid party will do the stupid thing and put the stupid Reeky Fraud Rat in position to do Us stupid all the way to where the Sun was never meant to shine.


Example the Third: Because Our """journalists""" deserve that respectable title exactly as much as hyena spit does, a mini-herd of them jumped on a lickpittle hatchet job about My Island called something like "Puerto Rico: Zombie Island. This piece of shit portrays Us as swamped up to Our necks in drugs, that We are so zonked out that Our population is at risk of dying in a generation, all of it couched in language so ponderously hyperbolic and crass that if it had been about ANY other topic, My Brethren would have giggled and hooted. But because it was about Us, and We ferociously lust for any attention, even hyperbolically-stupid bullshit like this "special report" ("special" as in "Special Olympics"), first a """news team""" jumped on it with all hooves and even had the unmitigated idiocy of claiming that they had asked the ungovernor to comment on their scum-sucking wallowfest, To the Proto-Weasel's credit, he passed.

Now if he just passed out permanently, then We got something good.

So after seven and a half months, the ability to just let stupidity slide by unremarked runs out. Not that stupidity will ever end, but there's only so much of it a Jenius can take before the keyboard needs to be pecked at to keep the record straight.



The Jenius Has Spoken.

The Sky Fell Long Ago

So.

Puerto Rico bonds are now junk.

But that's just Standard & Poor's opinion, right? The other two bond rating agencies are bound to see it differently, right?

No.

But the U.S. of part of A. is going to step in, right?

No.

Really?

Ain't gonna happen.

But We have solutions, right?

No.

Is there any ray of light?

A few. Here's one. Here's another.

But what's going to happen?

Exodus. More of it.

Stagnation. More of it.

Multimillion dollars losses suffered mainly by those who worked most of their lives to build this economy so that hyenas could feast on it, fucking hyenas with names like Rosselló, Pierluisi, Acevedo, Rivera, González, Hernández, Ferré, Burgos, McClintock, Fortuño, Calderón, Cordero, Corrada, Romero, O'Neill, Miranda, Santini, Colorado, Cintrón, Rodríguez, Martínez, Crespo, De Castro, Pérez, Fajardo, Jarabo and many more. Fucking chancre-covered hyenas that idiots amongst Us cheered and slaved for, waved flags and honked horns for, slobbered over when they appeared on TV or in person and for whom We ultimately spread Our cheeks to for the reaming of Our futures.

Now The Ova and his late-to-the-party hyenas are trying not go all Pollito Chico and scream the obvious.

No.

The sky isn't falling.

It fell long ago.

We're just noticing it now.

Yeah.

How stupid We were.



The Jenius Has Spoken.

Stupid Math = FUBAR Sales Tax

There are times when My Brethren act like the problems We have in Puerto Rico are absolutely, unequivocally, indisputably, undoubtedly, unreservedly and entirely Our own. We act and think that nowhere else on Planet Earth is there a problem like the problem We have or a FUBAR situation like no other FUBAR situation those vaguely-existing people out there ever went through.

Most of the time I react with a restrained "Get over it" attitude, and every once in a while I'll actually engage a few people in a brief round of "Reality check: read something other than lottery numbers." The latter often gets Me a larger "Cone of Silence" than normal, occasionally hedging into "Zip Code of Indifference."

However, there are times when I have to shake My head (known in some parts as "The Crib of Jenius") and concede that, yes, We have problems that no one else on Planet Earth has. In the most recent case, Our revolting excuse for an (un)government is incapable of doing first-grade arithmetic. In their crabbed, greed-lusty, lizard-on-a-bender brains, 6 + 6 = 6.

Allow Me. The local sales tax, called IVU, as in Intravenous Urine, is 7%. However, 1% of that is a Municipal tax, with the proceeds ostensibly going back to the town coffers at some undefined point in time, often related to (A) party affiliation, (B) backdoor politics and (C) whim. The other 6% is the, ahem, National tax, charged at the point of sale.

The current scheme thought up by the Ova, (un)governor Alejandro "Deer in Headlights" García and his sub-moronic ilk, is to "align" the tax rates all over the Island because some municipalities don't charge the 1%. The new system, such as it is, is supposed to "move" the tax from one point to another, using tax credits to "stabilize" prices. So when an item arrives at an Island port, it gets a 6% tax, that the supplier charges the wholesaler (of course), who receives an equivalent tax credit. When the wholesaler sells to the retailer, he pays the tax and gets a credit, and then the customer buys the item and pays the tax. See? """It's just moving the 6% from the end to the beginning!"""

In a "search for consistency" with the acumen of a slug doing Sudoku, the (un)government wants to "relocate" the tax from the point of sale to the moment of import, extend it to all items, without exclusions, and they say that nothing will change.

Really. No, really?

Oh, they tout "the benefits." They trumpet "the simplicity." They parade "studies," none of which--none--are actually verifiable outside of their own number-twiddling.

And they are flat-out lying. Viciously lying.

In a well-oiled model of lying in the face of overwhelming facts, the Ova and his rotten yolkies are ignoring three very salient and well-documented facts:

1) Our prices are already at "6% level," meaning that they have long factored in the added cost of the tax itself.

2) That added cost is not eliminated by moving the tax. Under this scheme it increases because it now affects several steps of the transaction from port to buyer, rather than just one step. Call it "friction" and in business...

3) "Friction" is a cost that gets passed on as higher prices.

Back when The Jellyfish, Anibal "I Was Really Guilty of Campaign Funding Fraud" Acevedo set-up the IVU tax system, I predicted its impact would not be a 6%-7% rise in prices to offset the new imposition, I said it would ultimately swing prices about 13%-14% and it did.

I'm not an economist: I think for a living. But any brief search about the impact of taxation on consumer prices will show that (1) the price increase is inevitably higher than the tax itself and (2) that consumption goes down wherever the tax takes effect.

So The Ova's awful yolk of a system that """promises""" to equalize taxation is actually going to have a larger, broader impact on prices, close to another 12-15% over the course of the next two years.  And overall tax revenue--what the Ova and his rotten egg-sucking hyenas really want to filch--will go down on a per capita basis.

If they really--chuckle-chortle-scoffing guffaw--wanted to help Our economy, why not equalize the system by eliminating the 1% tax so that folks living in smaller towns get a tiny-but-useful break? If these FUBAR pinheads looked at anything beyond the length of their pockets, they'd notice that the municipalities that eschew the 1% are large, with relatively extensive economic activity. But in terms of population, they account for less than 36% of the total living here. Tax cuts stimulate growth, but they lack the sexy appeal of grabbing the cash at the onset, rather than down the longer road of potential progress. 

Great. We're bankrupt, the hyenas are still hungry, and the corpse We call Our economy will now cost Us more in order to keep hiding from Ourselves the ferocious stench of its abject failure.

Yeah, sometimes We have FUBAR situations that are uniquely Our own...




The Jenius Has Spoken.

Solving Puerto Rico 008: Michael Castro

There are only a handful of local bloggers that I admire. First, because I know it is not easy to blog extensively and with quality content. And second, because I stand upon My (self-defined) lofty perch and seek to use My standards, more journalistic than entertainment-oriented, to evaluate other blogs.

To use an analogy, I'm more "BBC than MTV." Deal.

At the top of the very short list is Michael Castro, a teacher whose passion runs in broad but well-defined channels. His blog, Poder 5, not only exceeds The Jenius' output, it also is a closer reflection of local zeitgeist. My Brethren are emotional folk, and Michael often captures and expresses these emotions with a keen critical eye.

In Our vidcast, Michael discusses how We can solve Our status problem, beginning with a change in Our educational focus. If you've watched other Solving Puerto Rico episodes, you will have noticed how often "education" crops into the equation. That gives people who don't live here the barest glimpse of how some of Us feel about a system that has consistently and purposefully undermined Our Island.

Click below to watch Michael and I discuss his solution, or check it out on YouTube.

It may take many more years, but someday, most likely by external fiat, We will dump the colonial status My Island currently """enjoys""" and finally move forward to being something more than an afterthought.



The Jenius Has Interviewed.

Solving Puerto Rico 006: Gabriel Pagán

Here's the thing about ideas: the best ones are often the most startling.

On that note, welcome Gabriel Pagán. His idea is simple to express and once you get past the "Huh?" factor, it makes a ton of sense: spread Our government agencies around the Island.

Simple, right? At least in concept, for execution will take some effort. But once you get into the idea, you'll see it has more pros than cons. And no, I won't make a joke about "cons" and government workers. It's your turn.

You can explore this idea with Us by clicking here, or just aim your mouse at the video link below:

You will note that I don't appear at all, except as a disembodied voice. Cheer if you must. A technical glitch kept the camera on Gabriel the whole time, or maybe he rigged the system because he needed the attention.

I doubt that, though. A little.

Either way, take a look at decentralizing Our government and if you notice a trend in these videos, it isn't an accident: many of Our solutions have a common thread.

Enjoy!



The Jenius Has Interviewed.

Someone Shut The PoopyHead Up

Detroit declared bankruptcy. The largest municipal default in U.S. of part of A. history. Want to guess who might be next?

Uh-huh. Although in Our case, We can't "go bankrupt": We "default." Which still leaves Us holding a smelly diaper of diarrhea-drenched debt.

Speaking of which, Head Beggar Pedro "PoopyHead" Pierluisi had this to fart about the situation: “Some people might say, ‘This is their problem.’ But Puerto Rico is part of the United States, you own this problem."

Well, yeah, they own pretty much everything We have, what with Us being a colony and all that jazz. But here's the trouble with your statement, PoopyHead Beggar: you sound childish and stupid.

Pedro "PoopyHead Beggar" Pierluisi

I know, I know: you can't get sweet wine from a lump of filthy clay. But your job, PoopyHead Beggar, such as it laughingly is, consists of one single, undeniable, unimpeachable and uniquely central goal: Don't make Us look bad. 

Mission unaccomplished. Pat yourself on the ass, you ass.

Capable, responsible and mature human beings, also known as "adults," don't go whining and blaming others for situations they are involved in. 

Intelligent people who think clearly about their situation, don't spout shit that makes the people that most likely to help think twice about doing so or disgusts them enough to make them walk away.

Is the $70 billion clusterfuck We are in Our fault? Damn right it is, based on your fellow shitbags in blue and turdsacks in red, going back to 1968. We elected the vermin and let them run the country into the ground, so yeah, it's Our fault.

Is the U.S. of part of A. involved in Our problem? Hell yeah: they hold most of Our debt. But does that mean that they have to help Us, to bail Our sorry asses out? Not really. As I pointed out before, the Puerto Rico Constitution forbids the government from declaring bankruptcy and is obligated to repay external creditors (i.e., investors in Our bonds) first, even at the expense of the people it is supposed to serve.

You know PoopyHead Beggar, you should read Our Constitution sometime. It's in Spanish, too, so you won't strain what feeble linguistic skills you have. Then again, you might.

Here We are: up Shit Creek and some PoopyHead Beggar takes a dump in the paddle-makers' faces. Who would you rather help: the whiner or the guy who rolls up his sleeves, exhibits a can-do attitude and gets to work?

Yeah, the U.S. of part of A. too. Too bad We specialize in whiners.



The Jenius Has Spoken.

Choking Our Information Stirrer-Straw

Look what I just found: an executive order that seeks to centralize all--ALL--digital information sources and services of Our hideous shitfest of a government under one shitpile, the Office of Management and Budget.

Really.

Now I'm not going to sit here on what was supposed to be My week off and tell you that Our digital information system is A+. Or C+. Or even D+. It's more like a D--, but it is making progress. Here are some highlights, in just 7 months:

* Oracle contract reduction cost from $33 million to $16 million.

* Mobile phone compatibility (finally) for government webpages.

* The discovery and elimination of over 64,000 viruses infecting government computers, most of them originating in Russia and China.

* A centralized portal for government tech projects, to avoid waste through repetition or needless redundancy.

* Coordination of agency groups for enhanced inter-agency communication and collaboration.

* Database contract cost reductions, the first ever.

* A Tech Summit, the first such high-profile event in Puerto Rico.

* The implementation of transparency and open source software as the official policy of the government.


In the words of a Mythbuster, "There's your problem!" This power ploy by the OMB--OGP in Spanish, as in Over-Grown Pus-heads--is pretty transparent, seeking as it does to quash not only the notion of "open government data," but also that of "open source software." The order issued would consolidate all purchasing power and purchasing-related decisions into the hands of the OMB, leaving the tech experts as before, "advisors" with the power of watching their best efforts be derailed.

I can practically smell the crabbed hands of Micropore and Bore-acle in this mess.

Now I'm not a techie. Can't program an 8-track to record a video for My Nokia. But I do understand one thing: change hurts. But change is needed, and in Our tech environment, it is absolutely necessary. The change coming out of the technology director's office is a breath of fresh air for two very basic, very cogent reasons:

1) True techies are finally in charge of tech development and policies, and...

2) The established providers are being shown up for what they are: money-grubbing, bribing apes.

Okay, not convinced? Then look at it from another direction, in step-by-step fashion:

Step 1: The current (faux)governor, Alejandro García, "The Ova," made transparency and open source a commitment of his (faux)administration.

Step 2: The OMB Director, one Carlos "¿Quéseyo?" Rivas, decides to unilaterally erase that policy, effective December 15th, 2013.

Carlos ¿Quéseyo? Rivas

Now, analyze:

* Did The Ova decide the policy's time was ova, uh, I mean, over? If so, he is now several parsecs further from considering the potential of maybe having a spinal cord than he was before.

* Has ¿Quéseyo? decided that The Ova is too soft to stop him? In so much hot water that he'll crack before taking action? That The Ova is fried from too many problems and nowhere near enough solutions? Or is it that ¿Quéseyo? thinks The Ova is ultimately a chicken?

* Yes, I enjoyed writing all that.

You see, this 3-page document is not just another dosage of stiff toilet paper, this is a battle for the type of government We will have. On one side sits a group of tech experts who want to implement best practices and truly place Puerto Rico at the forefront of tech innovation. On the other side, you have whores. Nothing more, nothing less.

I know what side I'm on, and there's only side to be on. The days when whores run rampant on Our dollars should have ended long ago. Transparency is a sure way of starting to run them off.

So Let's make sure they stay on the run.



The Jenius Has Spoken.

We Were Screwed, Then The Rapists Showed Up

Ronald Reagan, second banana to a chimp for most of his life, once said, "The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'"

Screw that. They're still true, but they've been replaced by "You're bankrupt and Wall Street will help fix that."

So combine the two, the federal government shoving Wall Street at a problem, and you have the current "Huzzah!" moment Puerto Rico is going through.

 "But, Jenius," some of you will say, "it's just the feds coming in to set things straight. Who said anything about Wall Street?"

I did, I do and there's no hiding it. The federal government is trying to head off the financial collapse of Puerto Rico and who knows more about financial collapses than the banksters of the Street?

Look, We are bankrupt. Our debt and debt service are beyond Our current and estimated future capacity to repay. Anyone who argues the contrary is an idiot or ignorant of the facts. Puerto Rico's bond rating has not been properly classified as "junk" because there's too many billions of dollars of Our debt running around in too many pension funds and investment pools.

Yes, Puerto Rico, through bankster-like mismanagement and greed, has become "too big to fail." Woo.

And hoo.

The feds may have ordered the "rescue mission," but the banksters are going to do the actual """work""", and if history is any sort of teacher--and it is--We're about to get raped. Oh, not immediately, of course not, that would be counterproductive. No, the rape will be delayed, to a time well after the money-grubbing forced "pawing foreplay" has properly run its course. Then, when the banksters and their cronies, both federal and local, have had their fill of easy pickings, then We'll experience the full effect. Think of it as going roofied, by command.

But by then, the feds and the banksters and most of the local vermin will have moved on, to another target.

It's not called a "SWAT team" for nothing.

And yes, "rape" is a harsh and horrible word. But Puerto Rico is about to be forced, compelled and obligated to perform solely to please someone else's idea of "satisfaction." We will ultimately get nothing out of the "rescue the Island's financial status" process except a loss of self, an image tainted by contempt and lasting pain. That is economic rape.

We can demand transparency in the process. We won't get it.

We can demand a greater say in the process. We won't get it.

We can demand more control over Our economy. We won't get it.

We can demand to be left alone to solve it Ourselves. Nobody will believe Us.

We won't get any of the above because We haven't got the guts, brains or will to demand any of it. And even if We did, We'd get nothing.

What We'll get, is shafted. Economically stripped and plundered like a Roman vestal by rampaging Visigoths wearing $2,000 suits and the moral IQ of a lead bullet.

They'll get what they want. We'll just get older. And more screwed.



The Jenius Has Spoken.

Solving Puerto Rico 003: Raúl Colón

Serial entrepreneur and young father Raúl Colón has a varied background. On top of that, he is a passionate advocate of and for Puerto Rico. Our Solving Puerto Rico vidcast crept over the 30-minute mark because Raúl unleashes ideas a mile a minute and I saw no need to stem such a favorable tide.

You can see the the interview here, or click below.

For Raúl, a social change is needed, a building of trust between individuals and organizations, so that We come together rather than dedicate Ourselves to wretched in-fighting. It's about time We realized that We don't live in a zero-sum world, but We are responsible for the zero-sum society We live in.

[In strict order, Raúl's was vidcast 004, but I want to bookend Marcos Polanco and Ramphis Castro over the next two weeks. Continuity-obsessed fans can watch them in chronological order, to avoid any severe and debilitating stress My decision may cause them.]

*****

As a follow-up to Solving Puerto Rico 001, with Luis Herrero, his idea was to change the incentives in the education system to provide a greater level of support to school principals. It is beyond discussion that the educational system We have is a failure. And yet as a system, it sustains itself, so whatever incentives the system has must be working. That the system's goals are not what We want them to be is the issue, so I start by asking: who benefits from the current (fetid) educational system's incentives?

At a general level, the Department of (Mis)Education's personnel structure is about a 51/49 ratio, with the higher number being administrators or some such crap. (I'm taking the high road here, obviously.) That looks pretty bad, when one considers that an educational system should have more educators than a mere "less than half."

But a closer look reveals that in terms of personnel compensation, the ratio in percentages is closer to 66/34, in other words, the pay scale for crap exceeds that of teachers/ (Again, I'm on the high road here.) Even a third grade (math teacher) student can see that 51/49 does not equal 66/34.

Drilling a little deeper, with what little statistics the department provides (data from 2009 and not online as far as I could find), you'll see that on the administrative side, almost 23% of the total payroll goes to "consultants." A simple calculation (66 X .227) will show that almost 15% of the department's total payroll goes to outsiders, folks who neither teach in a classroom or directly support those who do.

"So what?" you say. "Teachers can't work alone." Granted, but when the average teacher salary barely cracks $21,000 on average, you'll note that the average consultant salary averages $79,000.

Uh-oh. Crap be expensive.

So Let's just look at that angle. The system knows it gets many millions of dollars, from both local (it is the largest single departmental budget in PR) and federal funding. Instead of focusing the department on education, the system looks inward to create boondoggles for political cronies. The incentives are not geared to "education," but "profiteering," on the form of increased bureaucracy (more people doing crap) and sweetheart deals, which include consulting and "services." Have you ever wondered why the local department of education doesn't keep accurate statistics? Now you know why.

You want proof? Our educational system was pretty much under federal government control for several years because from 1992-2008, it was a morass of corruption and fraud. It isn't much better now, but at least We no longer have the feds probing every orifice.

When education spirals downward year after year, and corruption and fraud rise over the same period, it is obvious what the incentives of the system support. So Luis Herrero's idea of changing the incentives of the system to foster stronger community schools is a great idea. It aligns the system's goals with its primary mission, whereas before the goal was "lip service to education" and the mission was "grab as much as you can before they catch on."

The educational system works as a partnership platform for back-scratching-cum-profiteering, acronym F.E.L.O.N.S. Seems appropriate that the acronym begins with the exact letter grade the system has earned for over two generations of ill-served students, parents and teachers.



The Jenius Has Spoken.

Solving Puerto Rico: Luis Herrero

As promised, here's the new Jenius effort, the Solving Puerto Rico vidcast. The inaugural episode belongs to Luis Herrero, technologist, entrepreneur and lawyer, which is where he falls off the pedestal.

Ouch.

Luis and I discuss his idea of changing Our educational system by looking at the system itself and where it places its incentives. Give yourself about 22 minutes to watch Us explore the topic and feel free to weigh in with your comments.

If you'd rather go to The Jenius channel and hang out, just click below.

Solving Puerto Rico 001:  Luis Herrero and the Incentives of the Educational System

Thanks, and there's much more to come.

The Jenius Has Interviewed.

Time To Renew

Yeah, The Jenius is back

It's been over 10 months since I wrote My last post, and I didn't think it would mark the beginning of a long hiatus. It just simply happened, as a certain level of ennui and dissatisfaction reached a tipping point.

Doesn't mean I stopped caring or giving a damn about My Island. I just...went away, to do other things.

But a headline today proved to be another tipping point, as several weeks of pondering were coming together. Here it be:  How Wall Street Fed Puerto Rico's $70 Billion Debt Binge.

Courtesy of Bloomberg.com, Let's pause a moment and look at that headline:

1) "Wall Street": The code word here is "banksters."

2) "Fed": Ah, the banksters in cahoots with...

3) "Puerto Rico": Aw shit.

4) "$70 Billion": Now hardly anyone can actually imagine what 70 freaking billion dollars really is. Maybe Bill Gates, for whom the sum is "My next round number up." But almost everyone understands that 70 billion dollars is a freaking huge amount of money that they don't have. Hits you in the ol' bread basket, it does, pun intended.

5) "Debt Binge": Aw shit again. Now We're out-of-control mother-bleepin' fellow crooks with the freaking banksters. Yee. And haw.

You want the lowlights? Glad you didn't ask:

* Puerto Rico more than doubled its borrowing in the municipal bond market since 2004. To the average Brethren out there, let Me parse that for you: Both retarded political parties mucking up Our present and future added to that doubling, and "borrowing" you freakazoids doesn't mean "free ride," it means "debt." As in "crushing amount of it." How bad, you don't ask?

* "(T)he government kept selling enough bonds to saddle each man, woman and child with $19,000 in debt." You got $19,000 to pay your share of debt you don't care about and most likely didn't get but a few dollars' worth of services from? Me neither.

* Here's a fun stat: Over 77% of the muni funds in the U.S. of part of A. have investments in Puerto Rican bonds. "Too big to fail," anyone? Uh, think again.

* "Neither a U.S. state nor a sovereign nation, Puerto Rico and its debt-issuing agencies, such as the Aqueduct and Sewer Authority, aren’t eligible to file for bankruptcy the way Detroit and Jefferson County, Alabama, have. It must pay its debts or default." How do you like them aguacates, huh? Hey, statehooders, wanna make this your rallying cry for admission into the 50 Club? "We want the right to say We're fucking broke!"

* Oh, and what does "default" mean? Bottom line: We pay creditors through the nose, until Our brains are slop and Our innards are squeezed dry. Why? "Puerto Rico’s constitution guarantees that holders of general-obligation bonds are paid before any other creditors." And who could be listed as one of those "other creditors"? You and Me.

* Rescue plan? Puh-lease. "President Barack Obama’s administration isn’t moving to aid the commonwealth." And why should it? Yeah, $70 billion is a lot of money, but compared to the trillion-dollar fake meltdown-cum-bailout, it's a fart in a shitpile. And don't forget the previous paragraph: Our Constitution guarantees payment. You think the U.S. of part of A. isn't going to enforce that clause to the utmost limit? Here's the chaser: "The U.S. Treasury also said it isn’t taking any special measures."

* Tidbits tossed in, like sand in pus-flavored Jell-o: "Puerto Rico’s population has shrunk 4 percent since 2004 to 3.67 million, according to U.S. Census data... More than a quarter of the population depends on food stamps... Per-capita income of $15,000 is one-third the U.S. average... Labor-force participation rate of 35 percent for those age 16 to 24 is among the lowest in the world (My emphasis)... An unemployment rate of 13.9 percent, almost double the U.S. rate of 7.3 percent... Emigration is increasing... Rising crime is also persuading people to leave (as the) homicide rate is about 27 for every 100,000 people, compared with the U.S. average of 4.7... Puerto Rico’s leaders haven’t done enough to make local industry competitive in the global economy and are instead counting on tax incentives or other assistance from Washington to protect businesses."


Still with Me? Kudos.

Does any of this surprise you? If you're one of My Brethren, is anything mentioned above a true surprise to you?

Why? Why are We so accepting that this is the way things are and will be?

Well I didn't come back to keep yapping about what's wrong with Us and Our Island. I think I've covered that crap beyond the point of nausea. 

The next step is coming up.

And it won't take 10 months to happen. I guarantee it.



The Jenius Has Spoken.

Statehood For Puerto Rico? Nuh-uh

I'll give you a hint about where this post is going: the first title for it was "Statehood For Puerto Rico? Fuck Off."

Based on the overhyped, overwrought and oversold November 6th referendum, the White House hand an online petition going asking if statehood for Puerto Rico should be considered. I would have added the words "seriously" and "by Congress," but that's just Me: I'm a stickler for actually saying what I mean and doing what I say. I'm funny that way.

In all, the petition had a target number of signatures it needed to make it "official," as in "We'll write up something and give it to someone who will forward it to some person," but--and you know where I'm headed with this--the petition failed to reach its goal and the White House shut the "offer" down. Closed. Cerrado. Fuck off.

Now it's true that a ton of people, a majority I would say, don't believe that online petitions, even from the White House, are truly tools of democracy. On the other hand (a phrase replaced nowadays by "Having said that," which is moronic use of English along the lines of "At this point in time" for "Now." which would make "nowadays" be "atthispointintimedays"...) online petitions have forced policy changes, the reversing of corporate decisions and--yes--swayed referenda. So even if most online petitions are useless, there is plenty of evidence that if you care enough, they can be useful.

Obviously, statehooders don't care enough. And neither do the potential statehood approvers at the government and citizen levels. And this second group, the most important one? They've never cared. Never will, either.

The problem with statehooders--aside from their obvious lack of self-respect, national pride and ignorance about the country they slobber to join--is that they truly, deep down, want the U.S. of part of A. to impose statehood, to simply say "You are mine, now" in the way a stupid addle-headed useless gash of a girl moons over a glittery pasty-faced gutless douchebag vampire. Statehooders don't want to make statehood happen, they want it to happen in the pseudo-magical way that boons are dispensed in fairy tales.

Now here's the thing: that paragraph above, with minor changes, applies to another of Our groups on "political activism":

The problem with independentistas--aside from their obvious lack of self-discipline, cowardice of convictions and total ignorance about the country We could create--is that they truly, deep down, want the U.S. of part of A. to impose independence, to simply say "You are not mine, now" in the way a stupid addle-headed useless gash of a girl moons over a glittery pasty-faced gutless douchebag vampire. Independentistas don't want to make independence happen, they want it to happen in the pseudo-magical way that boons are dispensed in fairy tales.

And yes, some independentistas will say "We have heroes who fought for independence!", but I'll retort that "Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent" and point out that if criminals--people who preyed upon their own brethren--are your heroes, you need new heroes. Or decapitation.

So.

What are the odds now that statehood will be seriously placed before Congress, what with the """61%""" support in the November 6 referendum, which melts to 45% in the light of objective reality? 10-to-1? 25-to-1?

Allow Me to toss this out: how about 50-t0-1?

HAHAHahahahahahahanochanceinhell



The Jenius Has Spoken.

Innovate? Hell No, Imitate!

Recently-elected (faux)governor Larva Lite--uh, AGaPito...--uh, let Me try again... Alejandro García is working hard----to "reinvent government." Sounds good. Worthy goal. I'd tip My hat to him if I wore one. (That's funny if you know Me.) Let's give him a hand!

Across the face. As in bitch-slap. Because even a Larva Lite knows that this whole "reinventing government" shtick is older than dirt and just as smart. It's a publicity stunt with the agility of a pre-Ramses I mummy...tightly wrapped.

No, it's not about innovation. If We had the capacity to innovate, to truly be creative about reinventing what passes for government, We'd have a penthouse rather than an outhouse. The fact is, We have the creative capacity of a brain-damaged lizard when it comes to making Our government "better": Our lizard-brain jerkwads and fanatical stupidity make government "better" only for greedy assholes who smarmily fuck the rest of Us.

Yeah, that's the kiddie version. You should have read the adult version...

So screw all this hullabaloo about "reinventing" Our government. Larva Lite might as well try to make giraffes sing La Traviata or reunite missing socks with their lonely left-behind sad socks. (That made Me giggle on a couple of levels...) On a scale of "Done" to "Not a fucking chance in hell," Larva Lite is so far from "Done" he'd need the Hubble to even see the outer edges of "Not a fucking chance in hell."

So what is your suggestion, O Jenius of the Potty Mouth? This: imitate.

Two examples. The first is Germany, home of beer, Wienerschnitzel and Wagner's comic touch. Here's their claim for imitation: "Germany says it will achieve (this year) a fully balanced budget across all layers of government this year thanks to a resilient economy, low unemployment, higher tax revenues and low borrowing costs."

Bam! Done. Look at that list! "Fully-balanced budget." "All layers of government." "Resilient economy." "Low unemployment." "Higher tax revenues." "LOW BORROWING COSTS!"

Holy shit. That's like, made-to-order for Us!

What? You don't think that's possible? That list is too, well, pastel en el cielo for Us?

Ukrainian Prime Minister, not half-assed Nazi salute.

Agreed. Larva Lite can only do what a Larva Lite can (barely) do.

So here's what he and his ilk should imitate: Entire Ukraine government resigns.

Yup. They up and quit. Took a look in the proverbial mirror, saw the shitstorm they were in and decided to just turn tail and get the hell out of Donetsk.

Can't blame them. It's the right thing to do. Let other people take over, you know, smart, dedicated, results-focused, talented people. Let the cream rise to the challenge rather than dropping dregs on dregs.

And to those who say We should wait until Larva Lite and his ilk actually get into government before telling them--or demanding--that they quit, here's My response: they won't make a positive difference. Our government is wrecked, no matter who paws the steering wheel and grinds the gears.

I wish We were headed for Germany's example, but the fact is, the Ukraine shows Us Our best path.


I wonder how you say "Ay bendito" in Russian...



The Jenius Has Spoken.