It's Not News, It's Crap, And My Brethren (Refuse To) Know It

About every 3 months, someone criticizes Me for not watching local news, listening to local talk radio shows and/or not reading a local paper in print or digital format. I don't bother with any of it so that 95-98% of the year, I promenade through life in quieter contemplation of more important things. Which is pretty much everything.

Now some people might think But the news is about important stuff. (Yes, these are the kind of people who would say "important stuff." Therefore, I pity them, but I keep a poker face.) My cogent and erudite response to that is: It's all crap.

Period.

Example: A good friend and colleague of Mine, someone who I often disagree with, but find his positions largely defensible and understandable, swears that one can only understand Puerto Rico by listening to talk radio and reading the daily papers. He has a minor point: if you want to know how and why My Island is being screwed like a cheap whore in a crack house, then yes, you do need to listen to local asshats and read the sophomoric words written by local asswipes. (There are exceptions in both categories, but they don't even achieve a Pareto Rule level of 20%, falling closer to 10%, if that.) But if you want to grok My Island, to see beyond the crapfest slung daily, you have no other choice but to avoid the local media.

I'm on record, several times, as calling Our level of """journalism""" essentially sheep-like, with more similarities to sheep dung than to the woolly beast itself. Take TV news, please. (Ba-dum-bum!) Anchors here are like anchors in the U.S of part of A.: photogenic monkeys plastered in make-up. The field reporters are often stupid enough to start grazing if they fall on a lawn, but make up for their lack of intellect by being willing puppets to whatever power-that-be wants to play them. Again, there are exceptions, but the ones I can pinpoint to on My Island are no longer with the major TV stations, plying their trade on much smaller newscasts and on websites, distant from the masses.

If there's a category that defines crap, at every imaginable level, it is pundits, the folks lumped together as so-called so-called so-called experts, three magnitudes removed from any type of intelligence higher than that shown by retarded weasels with alcohol poisoning. These wretched morons, on TV, radio and in newspaper columns, are incapable of stringing coherent thoughts together unless it is in service of some controlling agenda, whether it is related to party politics, political agendas or socioeconomic objectives that the "haves" want to impose on the "have nots."

Now I'm implying that there is some sort of mindfulness behind all this, and that's correct. But it doesn't appear n the media, at least not directly ad not often. No, the public role of the media is to shovel crap in massive quantities at the gaping maws of mindless indifference that constitutes the greater majority of My Brethren. Folks who slap on talk radio in the morning, peruse the paper during the day (to avoid work and/or stay current with gossip) and then watch TV news in the evening. Whatever that percentage is, and it's well above 50% of Our adults, it's nothing more than a misinformed herd of passive beasts causing all of Us long-term harm. And if you think "misinformed herd of passive beasts" is harsh, My first draft read "walking bags of useless stupid shit," so, yeah, I have a gentle side.

For the past two years, I've kept track of predictions that My friend and colleague have made about local issues, from taxes and prices to status debates and political machinations. We sat down recently to go over the list, and after agreeing on 27 topics We had made some sort of prediction on, We verified who was closer to the actual end result.

No surprise: I was closer on 18 to his 9. It should be noted that on purely economic issues, We were both right on 6 of 9 predictions, albeit different ones. But in political matters, I was more prescient on 12 of 19, while he was on point on only three, even though he claims to be non-partisan and thus "objective" in his evaluation of political arguments.

Is he going to stop listening to talk radio? No. But I got him to admit that he often listens because it "entertains" him more than it informs him.

One down, about a million and a half to go.

Crap.



The Jenius Has Spoken.


[Update: 6 December 2014: Via Eric Zuesse, of Washington's Blog, this scythe to the collective sheep-brain: the media in the U.S. of part of A. is extremely controlled.]

Dealing With Scum

Aw, hell.

From Yahoo! News comes this little tidbit guaranteed to brighten My day and that of My Brethren. (Note: Sarcasm in full force from "brighten" on up.) U.S. Sex Offenders See Sanctuary in Caribbean Sun. And by "Caribbean" they mean "Puerto Rico."

Some excerpts: "...(L)aw enforcement officials say...sex offenders share the perception that tropical Puerto Rico, where restrictions are less strict than in many U.S. jurisdictions, is an ideal place to hide."

And: "Federal agents have arrested at least five other sex offenders over the last year for failure to register in Puerto Rico and sent them back to the U.S. to face prosecution on other charges, said Deputy U.S. Marshal Rafael Escobar.

He said the marshals are investigating 10 cases of unregistered offenders suspected to be on the island.

"I'm sure there's a bunch more," he said. "The Internet is there, and these guys are checking to see where the law is weakest."

Each month, about half a dozen sex offenders come to the island from the U.S. mainland and do register with local authorities, according to Puerto Rico police Capt. Margarita George, who oversees the island's sex offender registry. Nobody knows how many others fail to report in.

She said some are drawn by the lack of laws barring them from living near parks or schools — the sort of rules that have forced sex offenders to camp under bridges or in woods in parts of the United States. And failing to register is a misdemeanor in Puerto Rico — not a felony as it is in most parts of the U.S. Some, like Weathers, find themselves colliding with federal rather than local authorities.

Offenders have told police they can do things in Puerto Rico that are nearly impossible elsewhere, such as buy property, George said."

But Let's not focus only on Puerto Rico. Here's a sobering fact: "About 100,000 of the 714,000 registered sex offenders in the United States are unaccounted for, said Ernie Allen, president of the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children."

That a good number of those 100,000 might be coming into Puerto Rico is not the kind of tourism or immigration We want. That Our law enforcement officials are in the dark as to how big the problem might be is disgusting, but not as disgusting as what these predators have done and are capable of doing.

For now, We can see this as another in a long line of problems that take Our Island of Enchantment and simply truncate the phrase to "Our Island." But it's still Our Island and if We have to deal directly with this kind of scum--with all Our scum in and out of government--then deal with it We must.

If We don't, then let Me state that We deserve whatever happens to Us. We do...but not Our children.


The Jenius Has Spoken.

Doctors Without Boundaries

Goddammit.

Our response--as a people, as a nation--to the devastation in Haiti has been exemplary. Almost $4 million in cash so far, over $9 million in food, clothing, medical supplies and hundreds of volunteers placing themselves heart and soul into trying to help Our neighbors. From an island with 4 million people and problems of its own, Our reaching out and giving aid and comfort to Haitians can barely be matched by any other nation.

In a display of take-charge attention-getting, Our senate president Thomas "Tantrum" Rivera organized a medical mission, aimed as a series of efforts, to transport doctors, nurses and medical supplies to the Haitian/Dominican Republic border to help in any way possible. The mission was mounted quickly and medical personnel from around the Island quickly volunteered.  

The missions have been successful, tending to patients under grueling conditions and putting forth a display that lets Our people feel proud that in the midst of a tragedy of almost unbelievable proportions, Puerto Rico is pulling its weight and much more amidst the efforts of countries both larger and with more resources.

But guess what will be remembered, what will be seared into the minds of people here and around the world? Pictures taken at the scene, posted on Facebook, of Our doctors posing with rifles and machines guns, having drinks, violating patient privacy and even mugging next to a coffin.

God fucking dammit. Nobody ever said Life was fair, but some things are just too much beyond the pale.

To the doctors who posed for pictures, holding weapons and liquoring up: You are putrid idiots, disgraces to your profession and embarrassments to Us all. And for allowing pictures to be taken of patients, some of whom were agonizing, naked and unaware of what was going on, you deserve to lose your licenses. Your Hippocratic Oath, vermin, pledges you to "First do no harm." You are the patients' protector, you failed them miserably and the sooner We get rid of you, the better.

To the people who posted those pictures on Facebook: You are fetid idiots, utterly stupid about the power and reach of the Internet, incapable of grasping the simple concept of "On the Web, to the World." You thought you were "celebrating" the medical mission, or were you trying to "celebrate" the retarded-monkey antics of some idiots? Well celebrate now, cretins.

To the newspaper and reporter who outed the story: You are to journalism what a turd compote is to créme brulée. You didn't bother to check or scrutinize what was behind the 1,179 pictures posted: you simply fired away with the worst of them, exposing the few who deserved it and savagely smearing the vast majority who did yeoman work, who get no recognition because you can't be bothered with that. The assrag in question trumpets the "worldwide impact" of its brainlessness and all I want to throw up in their faces. Repeatedly. I hope the wretched rag and its "reporter" collapse like a leper's final days.

As for Tantrum, this is not his fault. If he wants be "the man," then he has to learn to roll with the punches. His best move would be to pursue the guilty, bring forth the eminently worthy and place the emphasis where it should have been all the time: on Our help to a nation in need. 

It won't do much, but for the people who have done, are doing and will continue to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with the rest of the world in helping Haiti, it will mean the world.

But the world will still have the pictures of Our imbecile doctors to really remember Us by.

The Jenius Has Spoken.

 

Our New Media Rules, Part 2

From Part 1: We need a new media, retarded monkey, drunken midget, Dan Gillmor, here's My take on this: 

We will create a service to notify online readers, should they choose to sign up for it, of errors we've learned about in our journalism. Users of this service can choose to be notified of major errors only (in our judgment) or all errors, however insignificant we may believe them to be.

We invite our audience to participate in the journalism process, in a variety of ways that include crowdsourcing, audience blogging, wikis and many other techniques. We make it clear that we're not looking for free labour – and will work to create a system that rewards contributors beyond a pat on the back – but want above all to promote a multi-directional flow of news and information in which the audience plays a vital role.

We will make conversation an essential element of our mission. Among other things:

• The editorial pages will publish the best of, and be a guide to, conversation the community was having with itself online and in other public forums, whether hosted by the news organization or someone else.

• Editorials will appear in blog format, as will letters to the editor.

• We will encourage comments and forums, but in moderated spaces that encourage the use of real names and insisted on (and enforced) civility.

• Comments from people using verified real names will be listed first.

We seek the positive to point it out, analyze it why it works and encourage it and similar efforts. To fall back on “negativity sells” is to deny the power of positive examples. To dwell on failure and ignore success is to undermine the natural tendency of social progress. A critical eye sees just as much in the good and can teach others about its strengths.

We embrace the hyperlink in every possible way. Our website will include the most comprehensive possible listing of other media in our community, whether we were a community of geography or interest. We will link to all relevant blogs, photo-streams, video channels, database services and other material we can find, and use our editorial judgement to highlight the ones we consider best for the members of the community. And we'd liberally link from our journalism to other work and source material relevant to what we're discussing, recognising that we are not oracles but guides.

Our archives are to be freely available, with links on every single thing we've published as far back as possible, with application interfaces (APIs) to help other people use our journalism in ways we haven't considered ourselves.

We'd routinely point to our competitors' work, including (and maybe especially) the best of the new entrants, such as bloggers who cover specific niche subjects. When we cover the same topic, we'd link to them so our audience can gain wider perspectives. We'd also talk about, and point to, competitors when they covered things we missed or ignored.

Beyond routinely pointing to competitors, we will make a special effort to cover and follow up on their most important work, instead of the common practice today of pretending it didn't exist. Basic rule: the more we wish we'd done the journalism ourselves, the more prominent the exposure we'd give the other folks' work. This will have at least two beneficial effects. First, we help persuade our community of an issue's importance. Second, we help people understand the value of solid journalism, no matter who did it.

The word "must" – as in "The president must do this or that" – would be banned from editorials or other commentary from our own journalists, and we'd strongly discourage it from contributors. It is a hollow verb and only emphasizes powerlessness. If we want someone to do something, we'd try persuasion instead, explaining why it's a good idea and what the consequences will be if the advice is ignored.

No opinion pieces or commentary from major politicians or company executives. These folks almost never actually write what appears under their bylines. We're being just as dishonest as they are by using this stuff. If they want to pitch a policy, they should post it on their own web pages, and we'll be happy to point to it.

Creating a new media for Our unrepresented masses, whether it's a newspaper that forges enlightened opinion or a website being a sharpshooter on current issues or a radio show that fosters constructive analysis and dialogue or a TV newscast that eschews frippery for facts and context, whatever form it takes, We need a new media and We need it now.

As Bill Moyers said: "The quality of a democracy and the quality of its journalism are inextricably joined." It is no coincidence, then, that Our democracy and Our journalism are trash heaps of failure.

The Jenius Has Spoken.

Our New Media Rules, Part 1

We need a new media. Our media lacks intelligence, vision, integrity and is thus powerless to do anything for Us except entertain Us, like watching a retarded incontinent monkey dancing on a drunken midget's head. Loudly.

So, based heavily on Dan Gillmor's excellent "New rules for news" article, here's My take on Our New Media Rules, covering what We should have in Our newspapers and news websites as well as Our radio and TV newscasts:

Transparency is the core element of our journalism. Every print article would have an accompanying box called "Things We Don't Know," a list of questions our journalists couldn't answer in their reporting. TV and radio stories would mention the key unknowns. Whatever the medium, the organization's website would include an invitation to the audience to help fill in the holes, which exist in every story.

We help people in the community become informed users of media, not passive consumers – to understand why and how they can do this. We will work with schools and other institutions that recognize the necessity of critical thinking.

We work in every possible way to help our audience know who's behind the words and actions. People and institutions frequently try to influence the rest of us in ways that hide their participation in the debate, and we do our best to reveal who's spending money and pulling strings. When our competitors decline to reveal such things, or fail to ask obvious questions of their sources, we talk about their journalistic failures in our own coverage of the issues.

The more we believe an issue is of importance to our community, the more relentlessly we stay on top of it ourselves. If we conclude that continuing down a current policy path was a danger, we actively campaign to persuade people to change course. This would have meant, for example, loud and persistent warnings about the danger of the blatantly obvious housing/financial bubble that inflated during this decade.

We will assess risks honestly. Journalists constantly use anecdotal evidence in ways that frighten the public into believing this or that problem is larger than it actually is. As a result, people have almost no idea what are statistically more risky behaviours or situations. And lawmakers, responding to media-fed public fears, often pass laws that do much more aggregate harm than good. We will make it a habit to not extrapolate a wider threat from weird or tragic anecdotes; frequently discuss the major risks we face and compare them statistically to the minor ones; and debunk the most egregious examples of horror stories that spark unnecessary fear or even panic.

For any person or topic we cover regularly, we will provide a "baseline": an article or video where people can start if they are new to the topic, and point prominently to that "start here" piece from any new coverage. We might use a modified Wikipedia approach to keep the article current with the most important updates. The point will be context, giving some people a way to get quickly up to speed and others a way to recall the context of the issue.

For any coverage where it makes sense, we tell our audience members how they could act on the information we've just given them. This will typically take the form of a "What You Can Do" box or pointer.

Except in the most dire of circumstances – such as a threat to a whistleblower's life, liberty or livelihood – we will not quote or paraphrase unnamed sources in any of our journalism. If we do, we will need persuasive evidence from the source as to why we should break this rule, and we'd explain why in our coverage. Moreover, when we do grant anonymity, we offer our audience the following guidance: We believe this is one of the rare times when anonymity is justified, but we urge you to exercise appropriate skepticism.

If we grant anonymity and learn that the unnamed source had lied to us, we will consider the confidentially agreement to have been breached by that person, and will expose his or her duplicity and identity. Sources will know of this policy before we published. We'd further look for examples where our competitors have been tricked by sources they didn't name, and then do our best to expose them, too.

We will absolutely refuse to do stenography and call it journalism. If one faction or party to a dispute is lying, we will say so, with the accompanying evidence. If we learn that a significant number of people in our community believe a lie about an important person or issue, we will make it part of an ongoing mission to help them understand the truth.

Replace PR-speak and certain Orwellian words and expressions with more neutral, precise language. If someone we interview misuses language, we will paraphrase instead of using direct quotations. (Examples, among many others: The activity that takes place in casinos is gambling, not gaming. There is no death tax, there can be inheritance or estate tax. Piracy does not describe what people do when they post digital music on file-sharing networks.)

There, that'll keep you thinking until tomorrow, when Part 2 shows up.

The Jenius Has Spoken.

Pareto's Rule For Not Caring

My apologetically-belated Thanks to Firuzeh Shokooh Valle, of Global Voices Online, who does a wonderful job focusing on the Caribbean and for picking up two recent Jenius posts, one on problems We face and My recent comments on the local strike.


You might want to look up the Pareto Principle before going on...

Now look at this recent headline from the Latin American Herald Tribune: "80% of Puerto Rico Murders Called Drug-related."

At 11:50 p.m., in the Sabana Seca sector of Toa Baja, some 15 miles southwest of San Juan, dozens of shots were fired. When the shooting spree ended, seven people lay dead, twenty wounded. One other person died later. Amongst the wounded was a pregnant young lady, in her eighth month. The bullet killed the baby.

In the bloodthirsty nature of the ghoulish "media," it was immediately labeled a massacre and with the notation that the updated number of murders in 2009 now stood at 709.
709 murders. By mid-October. Our average annual murder rate for 2006-2007 was 733. We exceeded 800 murders in 2008. We're on pace to exceed that in 2009. For 2006-07 We would have ranked 7th in the world in murders-per-100,000 residents; for 2009 We could rank as high as 4th.

Why is this happening? Drug trade is a major culprit. The other, as I have highlighted before, is indifference. We--those of Us outside the drug-fueled violence--simply don't care. And yet We pay a high price for this indifference that We also don't care about.

The drug trade contributes to major expenses that We have to underwrite, namely prisons and health care. An example is in the LATH article which places the average cost of an addict in prison at between $28,000 and $30,000. On that basis alone, isn't there a cheaper way to save lives?

Of course there is. Cease Fire. Put the money into education, not through the money-grubbing hands of local department officials, but directly into schools, through community involvement. By involving the larger community, from civic leaders and corporations to churches and former gang members, high-violence schools have been able to turn around their poor graduation rates and significantly improved their community.

The payoff? Again, I'm way ahead of the curve: a 10% increase in graduation rate can reduce the murder rate by 20%. A mere 10% increase in the number of high school graduates is something even We can achieve, even with a brainless government, lazy teachers and outright theft in the educational system.

But We do face two major obstacles: a convicted drug dealer maldirecting the local Education Federal Affairs office and Our massive indifference. The first We will get rid of, if he doesn't do it himself on his way to becoming a crime statistic. As for the other...We have Our work cut out for Us, that's for sure.



The Jenius Has Spoken.

Egg On His (& Our) Face

The egg splatted against the "Inversión $8.2 millones" sign to the right of (non)governor Luis "The Larva" Fortuño. Missed him by 2 feet. Lousy throw. The poor marksman, an unemployed man, was carted away while he yelled at The Larva, who rushed to an official vehicle and whined--whined, I tell you--to the press that "You didn't protect me."

Oh, please.

As expected, the man now faces three charges, one of which is something called "assault on a public official" and, as expected, a local newsrag poll revealed that some 68% of the respondents didn't think the man should face any charges. The same newsrag's previous poll had some 68% of the respondents supporting a Constitutional amendment to impeach The Larva.

Oh, please.

I'll be blunt. For a change.

--Throwing an egg is an act intended to humiliate, not harm. It is an expression of anger, disdain, disrespect, contempt and maybe even a sense of humor. Does The Larva deserve any or all of these? Yes. He's a spineless twit. 'Nuff said.

--Does the egg-slinger deserve to be charged? Yes, if nothing else for impinging on the dignity of the governor's office. But it frosts My scrotum to see the dignity (if there is any left) of the office being pissed on by the spineless twit and he doesn't get charged with anything.

--So, Jenius, do you support a Constitutional amendment to impeach said twit? No. Our Constitution is very clear on what constitutes grounds for impeachment and The Larva is guilty under none of it. So far. However, he is guilty of being a spineless twit, a namby-pamby, mealy-mouthed, wishy-washy pseudo-intellectual coward who has the unmitigated absence of cojones to whine that the press is "supposed to protect him." Uh-uh. They may not know what their job is, but they know full well serving as your bodyguard ain't part of the job description.

The buzz about this incident, as My Genius Friend Kevin Shockey put it, is full of nuances. Yes, people are losing their jobs and yes, that is tragic. Yes, that anger will increase as unions go out on strike, studnets protest and the whole job-reduction shebang rolls on, for it must. Yes, Our social fabric--never as tightly-knit as We think--is rapidly unraveling. 

But We deserve it, for We created this mess in the first place.

Want to see how? Take the teachers. Please. (Couldn't help Myself. But take them.) They are protesting the job cuts when it is very clear--very, very clear--that the jobs cut so far are to their benefit.

The local excuse for an Education Department has a ratio of 51/49 teachers-to-administrators and the deadweight 49% of the personnel account for 62% of the wages and benefits of the entire Department. (Please explain what that means to teachers; I'm moving on.) So firing these people actually means that teachers will be better off on a budgetary basis. They should be advocating more and deeper cuts to use that money to have a greater impact in the classroom.

But do they see that? Hell no. These frauds who can barely pass an 8th grade reading test are so caught up in the "Let's not work and still get paid" frenzy of political partytime that they can never see the truth: The cuts help the educational system. And furthermore, next to police, they will be the last to go. And We will never get that far.

Not only did We create the educational mess We are in, We created the whole "bloated government" thing as well. And the "welfare parasite" thing. And the "busted economy" thing. And any other "thing" you want to throw into the current cesspool as well. Some folks want to blame the U.S. of part of A. for all this; they're welcome to, but the lion's share of this mess is Ours. And there's no denying it.

We elected vermin and kept electing them until they ran roughshod over Us. We allowed idiots to replace effective solutions with self-interested schemes. We allowed freeloading under the guise of "We earn it," a notion so abysmally stupid it can only be compared to destroying a village in order to save it. We created this cesspool, We have lain in it for decades, and now when the chickens--and their eggs--come home to roost, We refuse to accept Our role in all this and demand more...as if We have earned it.

Many people are concerned over the families and individuals affected by these job cuts and those projected to come. Yes, people are being placed in difficult situations. The common argument is that "This could have been done in some other way." Yes, that's true, but no matter how it was to be done, and it had to be, no one would ever be satisfied. I can't help but point out that if you want to make an omelet, you absolutely have to break some eggs.

Only if We'd realized it earlier, We'd not have eggs tossed at a twit and less egg on Our faces right now.

The Jenius Has Spoken.

William Ubiñas Taylor: Convict...AND DUI?

"William Ubiñas pled guilty to DUI this past month of June, 2009...who doesn't believe this, can go to the Toa Alta Courthouse and ask for the record of William Ubiñas Taylor...a convicted drunkard backed by Chardón. P.S. the record is public."

That was from an Anonymous comment left on My post Carlito's Way Ward, apparently concerning the convict occupying the seat of Director of the Federal Affairs Office for the local Department of Miseducation. 

Now this merits some documentation, so let's begin with the office-occupying convict's name: Is it really "William Ubiñas Taylor"? 

Take a look at this recent document, signed by none other than the convict's Behemoth Booster, current unsecretary of miseducation Carlitos Chardón. (Go ahead; I'll wait...)

Maybe you want to download it, so do that here.

Maybe you want to print it, so do that here.

Now what are the odds of two people in Puerto Rico having the same name "William Ubiñas Taylor"? 

What remains to be done is for Me--or someone equally trustworthy--to zip by the Toa Alta Courthouse and simply request said case file, an apparent guilty plea to a DUI charge by one William Ubiñas Taylor.

Could it be that the convict representing Carlitos and The Larva before the Feds is an imbiber-driver? Could one William Ubiñas Taylor have repeated his penchant for pleading guilty? Could it be?

I'm all a-tingle...

The Jenius Has Spoken.

News Trio

News Item #1: Let's start with the whiff of corruption We've all come to know: FBI searches office of Puerto Rico senator.

Sigh. That the target is Jorge "Won't Somebody Put Me Out of My Misery!" De Castro Font is just icing on the cowflop.  The usual off-key song and spastic dance will occur: Calls for "Mr. Misery" to resign, lamentations of what this does to Our image, "Mr. Misery" refusing to resign to "prove" he's innocent, dumb people rallying around "Mr. Misery" and so on...

I'll take the moment to point out a long-standing phenomenon of local politics: Commonwealthers who switch to the statehood (emphasis on hood) party are immediately taken in as LEADERS (yes, in capital letters and everything), whereas statehooders (emphasis you-know-where) who switch to the commonwealth party are treated as lepers in remission, i.e. "Good to see you, but don't mingle with the clean folks."

Jorge De Castro is the most recent of a modest line of commonwealth party Fools, including Roberto Rexach and Sergio Peña, where they were second-rank lunkheads at best, who jumped to the other side and instantly became LEADERS. The hood (hahaha) couldn't get enough of these power-grubbers, for that is what they are and that is all they are. They are not idealists, they are not visionaries, they are not public servants: Their only--ONLY--criteria for switching sides was to preserve their little pigsty platform of political power. Nothing more, nothing less. 

It seems evident that the statehood party has long lacked intellectuals, but then again, intellectuals can't stand idiotic positions.

News Item #2: Puerto Rican middle class flocks to S. Florida; recession cited.

The Jenius has been all over the "brain drain" issue, just as We have been discussing it since the early 70s. But is the exodus a boon "over there"? El Nuevo Día closed its Orlando edition citing high costs and reduced revenue. Sure, the overall malaise that newspapers wallow in could be a factor, as is the general downturn of the economy. But wouldn't the estimated 300,000+ "Floricans" in Central and Southern Florida sustain a newspaper, even a fish-wrapper specimen like El Nuevo Día?

Apparently not.  Could it be that those leaving Puerto Rico don't want to or don't care to keep up with its happenings anymore? Could it be that those leaving embody the "Me? Read? No!" dynamic so prevalent on Our Island?  Or is it that those leaving are simply not identifying as closely with Puerto Rico as those who stay? 

Or could it be that El Nuevo Día is simply too pathetic a newspaper to make a go of it?

News Item #3: A bright spot in the Caribbean , but with a big price tag.

Makes it seem like We're for sale, but no: The article is about the high cost of energy in Puerto Rico. In typical Caribbean Business style, it drops names and the ball with equal skill, giving the impression that Puerto Rico is on the cutting edge of solving its energy problem while simultaneously undercutting current efforts.

Let's get a couple of things straight: Puerto Rico is maxing out its energy infrastructure almost daily, depends on oil for almost 100% of its energy production (yes, almost 100%; don't get Me started down this road...too late) and the Power Authority diddles itself and screws the citizenry trying to protect itself from what should be the solution: Privatization and competition.

The Power Authority refuses to honor buy-back agreements, a fact proven by the latest Incentives Law that forces the Power Authority to come up with an energy buy-back plan 11 years after they first started on one. "Fuel adjustment costs" are rising at a 40% clip, a rate that matches the cost of 100% oil-based energy production. If We're using less oil to produce energy, why are We paying as if We weren't?

Maybe the problem isn't the Power Authority. Maybe they are powerless when it comes to determining how badly they rook Us. But that would place the blame squarely on the government. Now, really, would that argument hold water?

Like a sponge... (Strangely enough, the topic of My next post...)

The Jenius Has Spoken. 

Special Bulletin: Eat Shit, Americans, Part II

DHS-recommended ID/taser bracelets for traveling by plane...

No, this is not a joke...

Much-needed whistleblowers getting reamed by the murderous moron's "Justice" hyenas...

And evidence that they are--in fact--hyenas...

Spying and more spying...

While making sure the spying seems--seems--justified...

One courageous voice...

One disappointingly cowardly voice...

A nation that continues to be dragged into deeper cesspools...

Until the Constitution is worthless...

But just in case, the murderous moron, serial ass-wiper with said Constitution, covers his own ass...

Shit-eating statehood, anyone?

The Jenius Has Spoken.

P.S. -- Another heaping pile of feces served up for your enjoyment...

Suddenly

3:28 p.m. -- I'm standing in line at the external branch of Banco Popular, across from the supermarket, at the Mayaguez Mall. There's an elderly woman in front on Me, her left hand clutching several checks and money orders. There are more tellers than clients on this slow Wednesday afternoon. A half-scream makes Us turn.

A man, masked, wearing uniform-like clothes, is clubbing another man over the head with a gun. One, two, three smashes as a woman's scream rises in intensity. The robber turns and flees from the bank.

I am with My son, watching this scene unfold thirty feet from where We stand.

I turn to him, to protect him. To My right, a woman and her daughter are crouched against the wall. The wall isn't their protection: I am. They are hiding behind Me.

I ask My son if he's okay. Wide-eyed, he nods. "What was that?" he asks. I start to tell him and he answers his own question. We watch as the assaulted man is tended to, the screaming woman, the bank officer closest to the beating, is escorted away by her colleagues. She is crying hysterically. The bank tellers, many of whom had hidden in different corners, now emerge to follow protocol. The bank is closing down.

I ask My son again if he's okay. He says yes. I dial 911 and report the incident and request an ambulance. The dispatcher asks Me if it's needed. I tell him I'm looking at a man who was beaten on the skull in a robbery at the bank: Yes, send the ambulance. "One moment," he says and seems to walk away. "It's been reported, sir," he tells Me. "Please send the ambulance," I tell him.

"What's the skull?" asks My boy. I tell him, then tell the nearest bank officer that I requested an ambulance. He looks confused. "We asked for one," he tells Me. The crime victim, a man in his 50s, is being helped into a chair, blood dripping onto his polo shirt from three head wounds. He is dazed and in pain.

My son and I sit down, Our backs to the milling scene as cell phones abound, murmurs echoing around a somber chamber. A woman sits at the desk where I'm chatting with My son. She has tears in her eyes and makes a low-voiced phone call. I call a friend, a local newsdaily editor and tell him the basics. He chuckles as I tell him I didn't knock off the bank.

Police arrive, and suited men who don't look like police. My son asks Me about them and I say they could be Special Investigations or F.B.I. Suddenly, a dozen policemen and policewomen are milling outside the bank. I learn the identity of the victim, and My speculation that the crime was carried out by a stalking thief who followed the businessman from outside Mayaguez is pretty much confirmed. I call the editor again and add these details, noting that the local public TV newsvan and cameraman had arrived.

The bank manager hands out paper cones of water and offers My son candy. His ill-fitting suit is swallowing him up with every passing minute. I tell My son that even in Puerto Rico, all bank robbers are caught. We hear about the crime, oh yes We do, but that all of these vermin get caught just seems to slip through the cracks.

I notice people are being allowed to leave. No statements, no questions. As My son finishes his cherry lollipop (I got butterscotch), We walk past the ambulance. I overhear the driver and paramedic mention they were responding to a 911 call, not the police or the bank.

In My car, I ask My son if he was afraid. "Not now. I was afraid when it happened." He wants to keep it from his mom, but I gently explain that's not correct. She needs to know and he needs to be able to talk to her if he starts feeling anxious or afraid later.

We talk about police work, news, who My editor friend is and why I made one last call to decribe the assailant. "Because you helped Me with the details," I answer. "You saw things that could help catch him." He smiled a little.

Ten minutes later a, at another bank, as We walk out with a crisp $5 bill with the new purple ink that We had gone to Banco Popular for, a woman at the second bank reassures the security guard that the bank wasn't robbed, a customer was, inside the bank. He seems nervous. She repeats the news to him. He shakes his head. "We were there when it happened," I tell them. "It was a customer." The guard nods.

My son slips his hand into Mine as We talk about the purple ink and the intricate design of the five bucks he just made off of Me. I hope I've done well by him.


The Jenius Has Spoken.

Friday Fodder

Seven minutes... In seven minutes, the following news items drifted across My vision, one Friday café after-lunch lull, as coffee cooled, people scurried down the street and the best-looking woman in the place could have been My grandmother:


-- A local TV show recreated a recent suicide by throwing a dummy off the bridge where a woman ended her life. Although leading with the accurate judgment that the act was tasteless, the article spent 4 of 11 paragraphs describing the traffic jam created by the clueless TV crew and apparently did nothing to find out who were the pea-brains responsible for (a) conceiving this crassly-idiotic stunt and (b) allowing it to be happen.

--My favorite local beach, a gorgeous half-moon inlet reached by carefully crossing dirt trails that wind through salt flats and marshes, was thoroughly and revoltingly trashed by masses of college students over the previous weekend. Abandoned cars, engines and literally tons of trash were left behind as these unevolved apes proved that college isn't for everybody. The damage to the area is incalculable, but how much are you willing to bet the same thing happens during Hell Week--or rather, Holy Week--when some 160,000 people are expected to surge into the Cabo Rojo area? That wave is equal to 7 times the local population, and We'll rediscover that the young unevolved apes descend from older unevolved apes.

--We're Number 3! We're Number 3! On the international list of countries with the highest murder rates, that is. Colombia (uh-huh) and Russia (okay) are the Top 2, but We are gunning for Number One!! Colombia is in a de facto hydra-like criminal war for national economic control and Russia has become a haven for organized crime on a global scale; it makes sense that these two countries are Murder Centrals. But what the HELL is OUR excuse?! CAN there be ANY excuse? And just how much impact did this little bit of Friday fodder have on Our collective psyche? About the same amount of thought it took to trash a beach or throw a dummy off a bridge.

--Take a walking tour through Old San Juan and you will see dozens, if not hundreds, of stray cats. Must be the fishy smell of the bay... In any case, local officials have determined that some of these cats are infected with the AIDS virus. We can't have that! Not in a World Heritage Site! That might scare tourists away! So I have a suggestion: Send The Fools to round up the cats. Barehanded. We can get rid of their inane monkey posturing and some diseased cats, too. (I had a joke in there about "infected pussies" that I obviously edited out. I'm trying to be civil.)

--Citizens are organizing a march to force The Fools to make progress on the unicamerality vote. There's a better chance of getting rid of the AIDS-infected cats than there is for a unicamerality vote to reach binding status.


The Jenius Has Spoken.

Passing Pages, Marking Time

As My dad's remains are being cremated, I spend almost 2 hours leafing through a local daily, turning pages like a metronome, eventually seeing an item or two on each pass-through:

Front page: The Archbishop favors the use of the National Guard to fight the current crime wave. First of all, the archbishop is entitled to his opinion, but his moral authority is suspect at best and nil at worst, so what he has to say on anything outside of Catholicism is not news. If I want prattle, I'll turn on the radio. The underlying cause for this front page ink-waster is the obscene murder rate We have going so far in 2007: Almost four deaths a day. The Jellyfish, governor Aníbal Acevedo, floated the suggestion of using the National Guard as a sort of "hard line" stance on crime. Here's the problem, oh spineless floater: The National Guard will make the problem worse, as they are neither a long-term nor an "attack the roots" solution. All you'll be doing is sending well-meaning citizens into harm's way for purely political reasons. And speaking of which, the top result for a Google search on "the murderous moron" yields Yours Truly. So do yourself a favor, oh indecisive invertebrate, and avoid acting--even in a much smaller scale--like the so-called "commander"-in-chief of the U.S. of part of A.

Page 14: Patient Ombdusman receives over 11,000 complaints about health reform services. Only 11,000? My guess is that most people don't know there's an office to deal with their health service complaints. The general stat breakdown is interesting: 70% of the complaints were against the public sector, with 30% against the private side, but in a more interesting light, roughly 98% of the complaints were resolved in the patient's favor. According to the Office's director, Dr. Luz Teresa Amador, only 2% of all complaints were considered to be "without merit." I wonder what will happen in 2007 when complaints skyrocket to what I expect will be double the current rate...

Page 28: On the way to becoming the best-paid legislators. Uh-huh. The year has barely dawned and the unremittingly debased and morally inept tribe of Fools is on the warpath to raising their salaries and benefits package once again...automatically. See, they have this nifty "If we don't vote against it, it happens for us" deal that makes their cushy and upwardly-mobile living a fait accompli. (And no, I didn't forget to capitalize "we" and "us.") One solution: Make them part-timers, so they'll have less time to screw Us over. Chances of that happening: Same as unicamerality...nil. If We don't slash through this tribe and significantly--drastically--reduce their numbers by voting most of them out and showing the political will to do the same to whoever slimes their way into those seats, We will have the best-paid legislators and the worst-led state/territory in the U.S. of part of A. Oh wait! We already do!

Page 40: Permit halt holds banking back. Residential construction permits are so slow and so backlogged that house sales on this property-mad Island have dropped 50%. Boo. Hoo. Houses are grossly overpriced due to those same "permit restrictions," so when they get back on the market--at higher prices because of demand--the money will eventually flow back to the banks. They're just miffed because they ain't getting theirs at the rate they used to. How much you want to bet that those banks that own "easy loan" services (those that charge a modest 20-28% interest) will go on an advertising rampage in the next eight weeks?

Page 57: Editorial cartoon: A futuristically-dressed newscaster reads: "Greetings. Today is March 7th, 2026 and these are the news. The World Coalition of Nations unanimously agreed to build a permanent Lunar station. As usual, Puerto Rico will not participate in the world effort because they still haven't decided if they want to be an independent nation (and) member of the Coalition or continue as a free associated state." How sadly true, on too many levels.

Page 67: A new book out about a "Most Wanted" criminal who was gunned down by the F.B.I. about 20 minutes from where I live. To think they wasted perfectly good toilet paper on this book...

Taken from El Nuevo Día, on the day We said goodbye to Abuelito.


The Jenius Has Spoken.

Top 10 Lessons of 2006

I hate Year-End Lists.

So here's one: The Top Ten Things We Learned About Puerto Rico in 2006:

(In the Letterman-brilliant fashion of a countdown...)


10) Our ballplayers are no longer Kings of the Diamond. With the exception of Iván Rodríguez, who is still the best catcher in the Bigs, Our baseballers are good, maybe great, but We don't have as many powerhouse players as We used to. Still, Carlos Delgado and Carlos Beltrán delivered big-time.

9) We can't even treat a pretty woman right. Miss Universe 2006 had to be escorted by security guards away from an event meant to honor her (in her hometown, no less) because the crowd got impatient, then violent. I'm all for mussing up royalty, but if We're going to act like winning a beauty title is some sort of impressive achievement, can't We at least have the sense and decency to honor it properly?

8) The status of Puerto Rico is null. Forget "The status is not an issue" as an elections slogan: Our status has the appeal and value of maggoty meat loaf. Congress pokes it because We poke them and We poke each other with it because it's easier than going out and actually doing something to change Our Island.

7) Our blogosphere is coming of age. I have barely dipped into the local blog scene, but it certainly is gaining ground. I follow The Information Soldier and lament the loss of Portal al X-cito, but every once in a while I'll drop by other sites. As expected, most are in Spanish, but some excellent views appear in English. Check the growing community at Puerto Rico Blogalaxia. (And yes, The Jenius is still the best blog in Puerto Rico.)

6) Our teachers have a trashy sense of duty. They folded like a cheap house of bad report cards when--barely two weeks from finishing the school year--the government shut down. Instead of providing a shining example of duty and responsibility (risk-free because they were going to get paid anyway), the trash-talkers got an extra 2-3 weeks of paid vacation time. Mi escuelita, mi escuelita...

5) Stupid Rosselló. Not only did state-hood-er Pedro "STUPID!" Rosselló lead the most corrupt misAdministration in Our history, he is by self-admission the stupidest governor in Our history, for he continues his indefensible stance of "not knowing what was happening" while indefensibly claiming he was "a strong leader." The only way those two mutually-exclusive options can be reconciled is by annexing (Get it?! Get it?!! Annexing!! I'm shriekingly funny!!) STUPID to his name: Pedro Stupid Rosselló.

4) Speaking of corruption, We've now accepted it as natural. Back in 2003, the local Government Ethics Office (a trash can behind a whorehouse in Old San Juan) estimated that corruption cost Puerto Rico 10% of its roughly $21 billion budget. That's over 2 billion dollars, people. Thanks to #5--Stupid Rosselló--who perfected what previous misAdministrations had amateurishly pulled off, We can now count on 10, 15, maybe as much as 25% of Our monies going to child molesters, rapists, nincompoops, drug panderers and outright thieves. We were never "zero tolerance" about corruption, but it's a far cry from Our current "two-zero" (20%) tolerance.

3) On the subject of money, the sales tax was/is grand scale thievery. If the sales tax rape of Our pocketbooks doesn't cause a massive upheaval for change in Our favor, We can expect more of the same and watch Our future dwindle to ashes.

2) Our government is out of control. The unneeded, profiteering shutdown of Our government for what proved to be NO reason at all bears the visual imagery of drunken monkeys waving loaded Uzis in an orphanage. Progressive countries cut taxes; We raise them. Progressive governments seek to relieve business burdens; We increase them. Progressive governments shift priorities for growth; Our government shafts Us and Our priorities to grow their own coffers. It is time to let the drunken monkeys know that "You live because We allow you to, not because you have a right to."

1) We learned that "We have met The Fools, and they is Us." Ah, Pogo.


The Jenius Has Spoken.

Future Headlines

A couple of notes: To those who tuned in to the local 88.9 FM station owned by the Catholic University of Puerto Rico and expected to hear the dulcet tones of My voice, blame the station for not being organized enough to get Felipe Morales and Me on the air at the appointed time. Today's show will air next Monday, at 11:00 a.m. (The Pope is gonna hear about this.) And for those of you searching Google for "geniuses think metaphorically," notice Me as the #2 result. (I try harder.)


Some headlines I expect to see in the next few weeks:

Retail Sales Dropping More Than Expected.

Legislators Seek Amendments to Sales Tax Bills.

Governor Seeks Amendment to Sales Tax Bills. (Notice, just one amendment.)

Retailers Fall Far Behind on Sales Tax Payments.

Entrepreneurs Stymied by Additional Obstacles.

Bankers Association Lobbies for Deregulation.

Internet Sales Attracting Attention.

Government Revenues Lagging: Rumors of Shutdown Increasing.

Teachers Will Walk Immediately if Shutdown is Announced. (Hell, the moronic loafers will walk for any damn reason.)

Congress Shelves Bill for P.R. Self-Determination.

Stupid Rosselló.

Local Supreme Court Steps In Again on Sales Tax Issues.

Puerto Rico Slips Again in Regional Tourism.

Unicameral Bill Not on Legislative Agenda.


The Jenius Has Spoken.

Shrinking Universe

This won't take long...

In a little over a week's time, We had a Miss Universe fleeing from an angry mob, a darkening cloud of suspicion cast upon the the senatorial activities of Hector "I Wish I Were as Dead as My Drug-Dealing Buddy" Martínez (involving as many as a dozen prosecutor and judge appointees; failed lawyer, Our Hector Prefector is); an educational department scandal involving apparent (ahem) misuse of Federal funds (Chapter 166-B in an ongoing series launched in 1992); a remark by said department's chief disorganizer (known as secretary Rafael "I Look Dorky with A Bow Tie...Because I AM Dorky" Aragunde) that disparaged the efforts of special education and disabled children and a legislature trying to increase the sales tax before the damn thing is even implemented.

Atypical semi-fortnight? No, a typical semi-fortnight. Because guess--GUESS!--which of the above-listed items got the most media coverage?

Yup. The Miss Universe mob.

In a brief scrutiny of newspapers and TV clips, that Miss Universe flight from an unruly bunch of well-wishers almost garnered as much coverage as the other items combined.

We have Our priorities straight, don't We?

---People act like idiots to see Miss Universe: Major coverage.
---Other stuff: Does it include Miss Universe?!

Should I point out that the unruly mob was in Miss Universe's hometown? Welcome home, whatever-your-name-is, welcome home. Now get out so Our hydrocephalic media can try to focus on really important things for a change.


The Jenius Has Spoken.

Paltry Buffet

---Completing a hideous trifecta, a man who claims he was "inspired" by the shooting and abandonment of a two-year old, picks up his eight-month old son and slams him to the floor, causing massive injuries to the baby. There is no hell deep enough for people like this.

---On the plus side, the two-year old boy shot and abandoned is recovering well. His life is never going to be normal, but Let's hope it achieves some semblance of normalcy very soon.

---The senator whose good buddy the drug dealer was gunned down is now in another vat of hot water for putting up a billboard illegally. Seems this caca-brained Fool put it up after his infamous invitation to the drug dealer was made public. Only a Fool of his horribly-diminished mental capacity would think a billboard could save his (non)reputation. And get this: seems he stole the billboard, removing someone else's promotion to put up his. The monkeys have long been in the Metro Area...

---More and more noise is being made about the combined effects of the local import tax and newly-passed sales tax. The hit is in the 13.6% range and it includes food and medicine. Oh, is this going to play out well! Not only does no one have the slightest idea how the tax collection and distribution will be managed, We're already seeing the effects of taxation: prices rising and misapplications galore. Though the tax excludes business-to-business sales, many businesses are reporting that a "tax" is being added to their B-to-B purchases. It's illegal if it's called a tax, but not if it's called a "price hike" or "rate adjustment" or just "the cost of doing business."

And with the 13.6% hit coming November 15th, I'm glad My birthday is the 12th. People can actually save money by buying Me an expensive gift in pre-tax dollars!

---In another one of those "The Fools are unimaginably stupid" decisions, legislation is pending to exclude welfare recipients from paying a sales tax on their food purchases. The PAN funds that provide recipients with cash to buy foods and staple goods are provided through a Federal block grant, managed locally. To apply a tax on those funds requires Federal approval; to exclude them now requires local and Federal approval. In other words, when you mess with Uncle Sam's money, you have to dance to Uncle Sam's tune. What started out as a vote-getting stunt will become a major headache and another monkey-wrench in the sputtering local economy.

---Speaking of the local economy, during 2006, only 4 new major (500+ jobs) company launches or company expansions have been made in Puerto Rico. Actually, only two have been made, with two pending. Near as I can find out, no more are scheduled until mid-2007. Makes Me wonder...

---The outhouse local legislature started public hearings on what will happen to Puerto Rico when Cuba's economy opens. Here's My take on this: What the hell are you doing focusing on Cuba when We have terrible problems--many of which you Fools created--right here? Let Cubans worry about Cuba and you dimwads try--try, dammit--to make yourselves useful for once in your pathetic lives.

Want to know what will happen when Cuba's economy opens? Here's what: We're screwed. We go from being an occasional blip on the U.S. radar to stealth invisibility in about 13.6 hours. Dollars will flow to Cuba like We slaveringly dream they would to Us and many of those dollars will be ones We would have received. Tourism will be hit like We've been shot and Our economy will go from sputtering to tubercular lung-hack. Why? Because We've wasted Our time in political monkeyshines rather than seeking Our deserved position on the global economy.

You Fools want to do public hearings to "prepare" for Cuba's opening? You're 30 years too late, 300 times too stupid and 3,000 hours from finding out what's really going to happen.


The Jenius Has Spoken.

Scattershots

My Thanks to Rebecca MacKinnon, of Global Voices, for selecting another Jenius post. I always feel honored when that happens.


---A two-year old boy is shot twice by his often-abusive father and left for dead in an abandoned car. Twenty-four hours later, the boy is found by two policemen during a routine check. The boy, barely alive, is rushed to the hospital by two veteran cops who still can't talk about those moments without breaking into tears.

Along the same nauseating lines, a two-year old girl is raped and beaten to death. One of the policemen assigned to the case trembled visibly a few days later as he described the scene, rage and sadness tumbling out in choked words.

We often cast Our police in a brutal light and chidingly whitewash Our inept youth as parents, but it shouldn't take a filthy punk's shooting of a toddler and the brutal death of a baby girl to make Us wake up to the reality that not all Our cops are punks and not all Our punks should be allowed to reproduce.

---There's a prediction going around--waaay after Yours Truly tossed it out there--that the 6.6% import tax will be tacked on to the 7% sales tax come November 15th, casting the mega-buying Christmas season into a wallowing ditch. We've already seen how the second-best buying season (Mother's Day) was severely curtailed by Our elected thieves and freaks, so tell Me: Is Our so-called government sending Us all to economic hell, one buying season at a time?

---Would you believe the outhouse of representatives vice-president Epifanio "Epi Schleppy" Jiménez went on a local "game" show, one whose main attraction is silicone-bolstered boobs (and surgically-enhanced breasts), to take a lie detector test?

Get Me the knife.

Unoddly enough, the boob show ended without any findings. This was an elected leader, holding one of the highest offices in Our government, going onto a "Gong Show" scenario to "prove" his innocence. All he proved is that he has only contempt for his position, contempt for the voters and We're equally contemptuous for not beating "Epifartio's" brainlessness out of office.


The Jenius Has Spoken.

Dope(s)

Get a load of this:

A fecal-filled fool of a senator, with the consent of the vice president of that sewer called the senate of Puerto Rico, invites a known--known--drug dealer on official visits to prisons. When said drug dealer is later shot for, oh, who knows why, another senator repeatedly intercedes with Medical Center staff to get the bullet-riddled guy some extra-special attention.

Then, to top off this descent into unforseen depths of idiocy, an assistant district attorney, a former deputy director of the Special Investigations Unit of the Police Department is also linked to the now-dead-as-a-doorknob drug dealer, having signed and "fast-tracked" the petition to get the dope (dealer) a handgun.

Because, you know, business is harsh out there.

Let's name names, shall We? The moron who invited his childhood friend the dope dealer to visit prisons as an "expert in the penal system" (apparently under the heading of "market research," right?) is Hector "I'm Bitter Cuz I Can't Pass the Bar Exam" Martínez, president of the senate commission on Safety, after having been denied the position of senate judicial committee chairman. (Can't cut it as a lawyer so he wants to have power over judges. Microcephalic, actually.)

Heckie-Dreckie has offered up several contradictory versions to "explain" his relationship and (lack of) reasoning in having a drug dealer involved in official senate duties. None make sense. None ever will. But what distinguishes Hector the Delictor is the monumental stupidity he has arrogantly thrust at Us, by making denials when evidence was beyond doubt and by "momentarily" resigning his commission presidency. "Momentarily"?! That's exactly like saying that his drug-dealing friend is "momentarily" dead.

The senate vice-president (as in "the position under the president" and not as "president of vice," which I understand is shared by everybody in the freaking legislature) is Epifanio "I Don't Need a Nickname Cuz 'Epi' Is Too Damn Funny" Jiménez, who knew the drug dealer and knew he was present during these senate visits to their future homes and let it happen every time. Peppy Epi could have been brainwashed, but that would imply there was actually something to wash in the first place.

The senator interceding on behalf of a shot-up creep was Lornna "My Dad's Insane and That's Hereditary" Soto, a woman so shrill and brittle she could be used for Defense Department sound vibration weapon tests. Why did she intercede? When she gives a straight rational answer, We'll all be surprised.

The assistant district attorney and the ex-police special investigations sub-director is José "I'm Failing Upwards!" Lozada. He reached his lofty D.A. position after having to resign his deputy director post because he "suddenly" acquired a top-of-the-line Mercedes Benz sedan, without any proof of purchase. Maybe he found it somewhere.

Here's the bottom line: We are in the grasp of sewage vermin. They only add layers of filth to what is already the deepest outhouse We've ever had the displeasure of peering into. And the hunch I have is that this disgusting series of antics is simply going to get worse.

And the drug dealer's name? Who cares? He's dead.


The Jenius Has Spoken.

Checklist

Item 1: Monday I write a post about doctors leaving Puerto Rico. Today, El Nuevo Día has the same topic plastered on the front page. Their take: droves of specialists leaving the Island. The numbers are staggering: According to the local College of Surgeons, 433 specialists left Puerto Rico in 2003, 512 in 2004 and 819 up to June 2006. (No mention of 2005.) Listed culprits: the rising cost of malpractice insurance, reduced internships and declining revenues because of the botched Health Reform. Biggest concern: only 250 or so obstetricians left, some averaging close to 50 births a week.

Item 2: Caguas mayor "Willie" Miranda and Our ungovernor Aníbal "The Jellyfish" Acevedo are sniping at each other. Jellyfish concedes he may need to go to a primary (ho-hum) while Willie Wonky claims the central government is freezing his city out of development...and yet that the freeze-out is not due to the ungovernor but to his "incompetent cabinet." Pistols at 10 paces would be much cleaner, more effective and better entertainment.

Item 3: The Fecal-Filled Fools of the legislature are in a tax-manic spasm and if they can't tax it, they want to slap fees on it. Current target: homeschooling parents. Seems some dung-brained senator whose name I won't Albita Rivera wants to charge these parents $125 because they homeschool. And that the money be paid to the president of the local General Education Council. That's it. The idea is to fork over some dough because--hell--there isn't enough to go around, I guess. Hey, Albita, why don't you tax intelligence? We know you and your criminal cronies won't pay a penny...ever.

Item 4: Mayagüez mayor José "Guillito" Rodríguez wants to form a new mayors' organization that will include all 78 mayors and work to solve issues in Puerto Rico without political partisanship. Hey, Gullet-head, We already have an organization for that: it's called Puerto Rico.

Item 5: A letter to the Editor of El Nuevo Día spoke about the fourth victim of the Guánica "massacre." The letter writer called him a "nice, respectful young man" and implied he was a tragic victim of a heinous crime. Maybe so. But he was in the car with three known hoodlums that went cruising for trouble. He may have been "nice" and "respectful," but his judgement was seriously flawed.

Item 6: The All-Star Game of 2006 featured a tepid tribute to Roberto Clemente, with some poorly-named award dropped in his widow's hands. Pathetic. But Vera Clemente handled it with class while Bud "The Screwball" Selig whiffed again.

Item 7: The secretary of miseducation Rafael Aragunde has suggested that school cafeteria employees double-up as handicapped student attendees. Hey, Rafey-baby, why stop there? Let's make janitors Guidance Counselors! But here's the killer: Let's turn teachers into educators! Huh?! HUH?! Is THAT a winner or what? The only thing better would be turn you from secretary to ex-secretary. Rafey-baby, take a hint: take a hike.


The Jenius Has Spoken.