One party is heading towards an implosive primary, the other one is merely shrinking in on itself. Welcome to Puerto Rico's Two Parties Pooping.
Let's take the more dramatic (as in asinine) first. The statehood party--whose symbol should be a red, blue and off-white lamprey--will have a clash between Pedro Stupid Rosselló, he of the indefensible corruption and Luis "Chief Beggar" Fortuño, Stupid Rosselló's
"super-secretary" and now chief rival.
On the one hand, this upcoming battle can be framed as rabid mutt vs. twitchy rabbit, but that would demean both animal species and insult the fine name of rabies. On the other hand, it can be seen for what it is: A party truly deciding whether it wants leadership--in a wispy, pale, fetid way, at best--or choosing to be hog-tied by fanaticism.
Then We have the commonwealth party, whose symbol should be a red and off-white lamprey. They are now in the throes of "seriously and honestly" redefining themselves.
Uh..okay. So up 'til now, what have you been doing? Joking and lying? Faking it and weaving fairy tales? Being insincere and fabricating evidence? It took you 60-something years to figure this out?
The worst part about all this is the endless empty coverage of nothing but sputum. Imagine the horror of having all media go 24/7 on, say, the untimely death of a stupid fat stripper. Imagine that! How utterly awful that would be!
Now imagine that this goes on not for a week, but for 18 months. Yeah, welcome to the Parties Pooping portion of Our existence, Part 25. It will make the stupid fat stripper look like a calendar girl.
The Jenius Has Spoken.