Pre-Conspiracy Idiots

I have a friend who's a conspiracy buff, one of those people who believes that all of written history is wrong, that the facts have been hidden and that the real story can only be uncovered through near-superhuman efforts of reorienting and reconnecting facts.

To his surprise, he found I was well-versed in conspiracy theories: Rothschilds, Masons, Merovingian dynasty, Hoffa's Mafia ties to President Kennedy's assasination, the Trilateral Commission and several more. Of course, he had even more elaborate and recondite theories to pepper a conversation with, including one where aliens have been the dominant species on Earth since Angkor Wat. (Shades of Scientology crap.)

The problem with conspiracy theories is that they are meaningless. I illustrated this by using 100 jigsaw puzzles as an example. Scramble the 100 puzzles' pieces, turn them over so they are only shades of gray and then go wild finding two pieces that fit together. Create a section large enough to please your ego and then show it to everyone. It fits! Until you look beyond that--to the other side, so to speak--and discover that what you have is a useless mish-mash.

Conspiracy buffs take any fact, rotate it in any way they choose then plug it into another fact (or conclusion, opinion, supposition, idea, notion or wild-hair-up-the-ass dream) to create some amalgam of mush that has as much relation to Truth as Gummi Bears have to nutrition.

Why do they do this? To feel smarter. To feel smarter than "the unenlightened." To feel smarter because they have "hidden knowledge" or "the secret." It's a lame attempt at intellectual pretension, a cynic's pose fueled by too much time and not enough thinking, a lazy person's path to never achieving Truth.

But conspiracy buffs, by definition, operate their bumble-brain illogic after the fact. What do We call those who do so before the fact, in essence, distorting, lying, obfuscating, hiding and twisting facts to suit their own illogic, delusions and just plain stupidity?

We call those Bush, Cheney, Gonzales, Rice, Libby, Rumsfeld, Rove...

Those are this generation's reckless idiots, a murderous moron to lead them. Their type has been around for centuries and will continue for many more. But for now, We see the worst of them, the very nadir of the unenlightened, uninformed, unprepared, incapable and even insane relaters to Truth. All hail the murderous moron and his subnormal minions! For from them will come all too many more.

As George Orwell said, "During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act." Remember what the minions and theorists don't understand: The Truth is never--never--a conspiracy.


The Jenius Has Spoken.