Smackdown Smorgasbord

Current Larva Staph Chief--er, Chief of Staff--Marcos "Mouth Fart" Rodríguez stated that the government he and his "boss" Luis "The Larva" Fortuño run (into the ground) are "monitoring blogs and e-mails of students who participated in the stoppage of October 15th."

Really.

So I sent the Staph Chief the following fax [787-721-1472]:

Hey, you. Since you're so intent on monitoring e-mails and blogs, in direct contradiction to what We as a society and government stand for, I want to make it easier for you to read what one of Us thinks. (And I assure you, only one of the two of Us is really thinking on this matter.) Please direct your attention to Gil The Jenius, at http://gilthejenius.blogspot.com. You might want to have a dictionary handy as some of the concepts you will encounter there will be presented in their proper definition and context. (Have someone explain the context to you.) I hope to see you on My Blog. Toodle-oo!

I challenge other local bloggers to the same. There is NO way this will EVER work on Our Island if We simply challenge it head on. Let's blow this Mouth Fart away, so to speak.

On another topic, take a look at this local government fiscal report on La Fortaleza salaries covering up to March 15, 2009. (It might be easier to scan it if you download it.) Of the 21 Fortaleza officials listed on page 2, 16 are listed with "before" salaries and "after" salaries reflecting their acceptance or rejection of a voluntary pay cut. For those 16, the "before" average salary was $10,146; the "after" average is $9,843. A month. The "average savings"? $4,848. A month. 

That saved about 1.84 average government jobs. (You do the math.) Woo. Hoo.

This is what some of Us have been talking about when We say that cutting government jobs is a secondary step to cutting government salaries at the executive level and in "consulting" contracts. On salaries alone, scroll down at the organizational chart and you will see an average executive salary exceeding $80,000.

There are two arguments usually thrown about in the counter-debate; (1) You have to pay higher salaries than the private sector in order to attract "talent," and (2) These executives earn their pay.

Here's the shot between-the-eyes for each one:

#1: Poppycock. Talent will be attracted by other factors more than by salary. That point has been proven in numerous studies in the past several decades. What keeps talent away from government jobs is corruption, bureaucracy and stagnation. What kind of "talent" is attracted to that job description? 

#2: "Earn"?! Let's see. The Electrical Authority numbskull makes $170,001 a year. Ask Us if he earns it. The Water & Sewer Authority imbecile makes $169,999.96. Ask Us what We think he should really earn. Look down that list and you will see way too many people in way too many positions making way too much money. They don't "earn," they get paid.

And this is just the tip of the shocking, sewage-filled iceberg. Yes, The Larva asked for volunteers to cut their own pay to reduce costs. What he should have done was tell them there would be 20% pay cuts across the board and if anyone wanted to bail, fine. From La Fortaleza alone that could have helped save 12-16 jobs. Multiply that by the scrolling list of overpaid hacks and you could easily see 200-300 jobs saved. Cut theft diguised as "consulting contracts" and you could actually save thousands of jobs.

And yet, indisputably, We HAVE to cut jobs. But to do that, The Larva needs buy-in, public support, a broad-based acknowledgment that he is trying. At least after that, the horribly mishandled job cuts that followed would have (barely) had a defensible position, i.e., "We have started making serious cost cuts, but the problem is far too large to handle that way." Instead, We have a gob making $10,319 a month saying that the government needs to cut 130,000 jobs...and that blogs and e-mails are now surveillance targets.

And while I'm at it, here's the list of the Fortaleza drones who refused to take a 5% pay cut while their boss took a 10% cut:

Miguel Hernández, Esq., Legislative Advisor. (What can he say? "They're winning, boss!")

José Meléndez, Municipal Advisor. ("Do you know how many mayors hate you?")

José Otero, Finances and Economic Development Advisor. ("Uh, can We ask for a bailout?")

Ana Mayol, Federal Affairs and National Policy Advisor. ("Have you considered becoming a Democrat?")

José Valenzuela, Energy and Environment Advisor. ("With more blackouts, tourists won't be able to see the garbage."

Juan Rodríguez, Chief Information Officer. ("The party color is now being described as a "blue screen of death.")

And Special Notice to Velmarie Berlingeri, La Fortaleza Administrator who trumps all these parasites with a $12,161 monthly salary AND a $5,250 Christmas bonus. What does she say to her boss? "You'll get the tapes when I say you'll get the tapes."

The Jenius Has Spoken.