Our Status: Part IV

So now We're at Part IV of the "Our Status" series and you know where to find the first three.

Since the status issue is a made-up problem to manipulate Us and it lacks a solution the responsible party wants to give, but it has some key elements for growth, what do We do to turn it into an advantage instead of the Fools' LSD it is now?

1) Insist on status-free rhetoric: That means We don't bother with the issue when some idiot in a suit stands up in front of a podium and claims that We must move "Our status question" forward for no other reason than an empty "because." Yes, I mean you Pedro "Head Beggar" Pierluisi. And yes, I mean you Willie "Silly" Miranda. 

2) If status is invoked, pursue the reasoning: Our Head Beggar thrusts a bill in the U.S. of part of A. House for a referendum that means diddlyshit, because no matter what We vote for (or against), Congress will fart on the result and even that would be more than expected. Now and forever more, We should always pursue the reasoning behind these grandstanding ploys and grandiloquent statements that amount  to the same thing: a nanometer-sized snowball in the hottest pits of Hell.

3) Start changing the limits of Our "compact" immediately: Either of the two major parties could do this and pursue their own perverted self-interests. All it takes is a willingness to get slammed by the media and federal communiqués, something We should be used to given Our horrible track record with Federal funds.

Example: Statehooders want more parity, i.e., to be seen as worthy of statehood? Good. Petition Congress to include Us in federal taxation so We can increase Our representation. Oh, not politically expedient, you craven cowards? Try this one: Aim to have the current Constitution viewed as protected under the 10th Amendment. It only applies to states, you would say if you knew what the 10th Amendment said? There's your argument: legal recognition of protection under the U.S. Constitution. Open that can of worms and see what happens. 

Example: Commonwealthers want more from them without giving up anything from Us? (That borders on parasitism...) Try this: Petition Congress for rights to deal with foreign nations on economic terms in exchange for a pro-rated reduction in welfare transfers to Us. Not politically expedient, you craven cowards? Okay, then try this: Challenge the current compact on legal grounds that after 58 years it is no longer representative of the true U.S./P.R. relationship. Play it one of three ways: (1) It ain't fair; (2) The U.S. of part of A. has violated it over and over again and/or (3) It limits Our potential for growth. Any of those arguments is valid and if it seems like I'm suggesting We rock this boat 'til the mast snaps or the keel hauls, that's exactly what I'm suggesting. Insanity is to repeat the same actions expecting a different result. We. Are. Insane.

4) Recast Our political architecture: Some of the steps that can be taken: Reduce the size of the legislature by 33%; reduce the number of petitioners to form a party to 50,000; establish full reporting of all bills and executive memos on the Web; Establish term limits for legislators and remove term limits for governors; Tie top-level government and legislative salaries to no more than 300% of Our Income Per Capita as determined by the World Bank; Tie salary and benefit increases to ALL government employees to the Consumer Price Index as determined by the federal government; Cap all consulting contracts to no more than $50,000 a year and only one contract per individual per year; Convert legislators to part-timers (they already are, just make it official, dammit); Transform the 78 Municipalities into 18-24 Counties or Parishes or Lugnuts or whatever you want to call them; Reduce public campaign financing to no more than 1% of the average of four years of Budgets, to be split evenly by all parties (the free-for-all on that one would amuse even Me); Reduce the number of Supreme Court Justices to 5 and make 2 of the current ones Assistant Justices to fill in when one of the others gets diarrhea or the bends or something; Eliminate all perks (cell phones, mail, cars, etc.) and have private companies rotate on a fixed schedule to provide them for a nominal fee--and if they don't get paid, they can cut the services; Have all elected officials participate in the government's health plan during their terms in office: if they don't like it, they can choose not to run (hallefreakinllujah!) or really work to fix the godawful mess and lastly, dissolve all government employee unions once and for all: they work against Us, the taxpayers, who are their ultimate bosses. No one puts up with employees who sabotage the company, so why should We mollycoddle the dingos that "lead" these unions and their sycophants?

Done. Add your own suggestions, come to your own conclusions, but face up to the reality, Brethren of Mine: this status crap is a tool of Fools. Either We use it for Our own benefit or We stop letting them use if for theirs. Any other path will keep Us sinking in the deepening rut of Our own indifference.

The Jenius Has Spoken.