Bonuses For Nothing

Okay. So the plan now is to reduce the legislature--Our Outhouse of Otherwise Otherwordly Outcasts--by some 29 hyenas in order to save, oh, about $15 million. More or less. The focus is, of course, on the number of vermin to be culled from the pack and the money is just a drop in an otherwise endless ocean of glut.

But wait! There' s more!

Bonus #1: The plan on the table now--like a decapitated hog ready for the butcher--comes from Our (non)governor Luis "The Larva" Fortuño, that shining example of dullness. His plan is actually less severe than the plan floated/wafted by senate alpha dog Tomas "Tantrum" Rivera. Keep that in mind as We mosey on along here.

Bonus #2: The Larva's plan calls for redistricting, better known as  gerrymandering. Why? Because the proposed plan would protect current statehood party seats while asborbing or eliminating mainly commonwealth party seats.  Don't believe Me? Even based as it is on the current (2010) Census, the Redistricting Board (for lack of a name) will be composed of the Chief Justice of the local Supreme Court--a man already under siege by statehood-supporting fellow judges on that court--and other members. And guess who is trying to remake that "Board" as We speak? The (Out)house of representatives led by Jenniffer "Gluttonny" González.

So let Me add this up: The Larva proposes a plan that treats the senate better than what Tantrum had proposed while the reorganization of districts will take place led by an increasingly notorious statehood-supporting "justice" group and Gluttonny is trying to change the composition of that group for reasons that seem blatantly obvious.

Do tell.

Bonus #3: The plan calls for a referendum early next year. Woo. And hoo.

Bonus #4: Didja realize that if the people vote "Aye" (as opposed to "¡Ay!), then this plan would entail the first amendment ever to Our Constitution? Dem's big words, Kemosabe. Dem words be bigger by early next year, you betchum.

Bonus #5: The plan will be gutted right before Our ayes. Pun definitely intended. For you see, gutting this plan will also help forestall the other "plan" We already voted on: unicamerality. Whatever the hell happened to that baby, Rosemary? It was thrown out without even the benefit of bathwater and by hobbling this plan to some vague concept of future possible action and some framework of time that boils down to "When Hell freezes over," the hyenas at large can remain just that: hyenas at large.

For you see, it is the very "at large" concept that is (rightly!) being attacked by The Larva's plan. The concept is that We recklessly and stupidly elect senators and representatives who represent no specific district; they are "at large," out there (some more out than others) and running rampant. Always have. Always will. They are the powers without accountability, except to themselves and maybe their party. Il Castrao, anyone?

Now guess, people, go ahead and guess whose names you will find so very prominently listed amongst the "elected at large" to Our pathetic excuses for senate and house?

I'll give you their initials: Tantrum. And Gluttonny.

Oh yeah, let the butchering begin.

The Jenius Has Spoken.