I can barely contain Myself... It's a wonder I can keep My trembling fingers from doubling-up every letter I type as The Jenius marvels--marvels I tell you!--at the latest offering by the Center for the New Economy.
It's a book. But not just any book. No sir! It's a book about--be still My beating heart!--fixing Puerto Rico's economy! Oh frabjous day! Callooh callay!
The title bears the majestic simplicity of gravitas: "Restoring Growth in Puerto Rico." Slap My knee and call me Sally! This title's a winner! Growth is good! Restoring stuff is good! Puerto Rico is My home! Judge a book by its cover I always say!
Oh, vision of Mine, please clear up so I can read through My tears of joy the wise pronouncements of the CNE. As My vision clears, I notice that "CNE" includes the formula for cyanide...
Bad Jenius! Bad Jenius!
Ohohoh! There they are! My chin quivers as the profound insights into Restoring Growth in Puerto Rico leap off the page and drill into My fervid brain...!
Here they are:
1) Create jobs.
2) Promote the development of the private sector.
3) Improve worker skills.
4) Invest in infrastructure.
5) Create a more efficient tax structure.
My jaw drops.
Bounces off the floor, careens off a walker, caroms off a bookshelf featuring vegetarian cookbooks and slides back into place in time for Me to say "Golly."
HOW DID THEY EVER COME UP WITH THESE AMAZING IDEAS?!
Create jobs?! Of course!! That means MORE MONEY in people's pockets!
Develop the private sector?! Of course!! Where ELSE will the "more jobs" come from? Do you SEE--nay! SMELL!!--the brilliance of the CN(E) here? It's enough to take your breath away!
Improve worker skills?! Of course!! New jobs in a New Economy require new skills! The mental prowess in linking these concepts together is..., well, it's...why, it's staggering!
Invest in infrastructure?! Of course!! "Build it and they will come"-thinking is so avant garde! Why do We have to wait for the CN(e) to point it out?
Create a more efficient tax structure?! Of course!! Taxes can be BOTH attractant and revenue, so the greater the efficiency, the greater the yield. My head SPINS in the presence of such profound wisdom!
It's obvious that the fathomless depths of The Brookings Institution played a major role in uncovering these heretofore unimagined breakthroughs for Restoring Growth in Puerto Rico. Let Us not linger on the fact that the book--a holey book as far as The Jenius is concerned--really doesn't say how these ideas can be implemented. Nor does the combined mental gigantism of TBI (which includes the abbreviation for tuberculosis... Bad Jenius! Bad Jenius!) and the CyanideE really know how to explain Puerto Rico's low level of labor force participation.
Of course!! Tuberculosis(I) and cyanide(e) have no time for the mere studiousness of the unwashed, also known as "researchers," who grub up their minds with actual observations and analysis. Fools! Tubercular cyanosis, their new science aimed at restoring growth in Puerto Rico, rises ABOVE such puling pedantry and REACHES for the purest of thoughts, those that "explain" the Universe, leaving the work of actually making something happen to the unenlightened masses. Meaning you and Me.
I bow My head in awe at the thought that We have squandered--squandered I tell you!--over 500 years of Our existence awaiting for the moment when tubercular cyanosis would appear and lead Us to a promised land filled with 1960s thinking.
Did I say "1960s thinking?" Bad Jenius! Bad Jenius!
The Jenius Has Spoken.