Barnacle Boy

Aníbal "Former Jellyfish" Acevedo, embattled governor of this here Isle of Ours, facing 19 charges covering tax fraud, electoral fraud and perjury, has gone from softie to crusty. In a show of utter egotistical tomfoolery and some lame-brain attempt at defiance, "Jellyfish" has morphed into "Barnacle Boy," clinging without thought to his position in the hope that the whole storm will wash over.

And yes, "Barnacle Boy" is a character in SpongeBob Squarepants. But you gotta admit it fits.

Just like the cartoonish sidekick, Our "Barnacle Boy" is more whiny than heroic, more pathetic than proactive and makes the issue of his potential guilt or innocence a mere sideshow to the general "will he or won't he" speculation. Sure, it's called spin and frame management, but it all amounts to so much crap.

It would seem that the strategy "Barnacle Boy" is using is that of dragging out the proceedings until a moment of positive drama can be extracted from his seamy melodrama. Given time, even a wuss can be seen as a hero if he just lasts long enough. That's the mindset of the pusillanimous, of the wimp, of the yellow-bellied feeb who thinks he has a chance if he merely lives until past high noon. It's also the mindset of the guilty who wish to postpone the consequences they never cared about in the first place.

Here's a heads-up. "Barnacle Boy": High noon ain't coming this year. You're playing a different game, one of politics over policy and of "me" over "we." No, high noon will come next year, when the federal charges you kept telling Us you were never worried about are read in a court and the point-by-point evidence that led to your indictment is spelled out. That's high noon, "Barnie Baby." That will be your time to stop being a softie or a lump, the time to man up or shut up.

My bet's on you shutting up, because heaven knows you've never manned up in your life.


The Jenius Has Spoken.