Cocks & (Pit) Bulls

The ramjet-plunging-straight down descent into deeper stupidity continues unabated...

Two lamebrain wastes of flesh in Our legislature are proposing bills targeted at animals. (Not at themselves, though there might be room in a few sentences for a "dumb bitches" reference that will alienate some of My fairer-sex readers.) One bill proposes that pit bulls be registered--for a cost, of course. The other proposes eliminating cockfighting, a traditional sport in Puerto Rico that moves more money than even the lottery.

First, dogs. The idea of registering pit bulls is based on the idea that pit bulls are ravenous beasts whose sole purpose is to rip flesh from people and go mad at the taste of blood. Pit bulls have developed this reputation because people--almost exclusively young men--have taken this strong, fiercely protective species and turned it into a fighting beast. Not to help the dog, but to use the animal as a weapon or money-maker in dogfights. Just ask Michael Vick.

The problem with this mega-stupid idea is that forcing people to register one species of dog will require not only a bureaucratic mess for registration, but also a compliance nightmare. The problem is not the dog: it's the person who owns and abuses the dog. And in a country where hundreds of thousands of dogs roam freely on Our streets, creating a series of problems We are woefully incapable of dealing with properly, the expected response to having to register and pay for a pit bull will be to simply release the animals out onto the streets. Or have Our woefully overburdened police force become an extended canine corps (of enforcement.)

This idea lacks any semblance of intelligence and serves more as a press release campaign than as a solution. It is simply another attempt by elected thieves to reach into Our wallets and rip out another few 20s in order to preserve their pashah lifestyle. Like fungus in a crack, these Fools keep stretching deeper into the bedrock of society and will ultimately weaken it to collapse. Not too far in the future, either.

But some prefer a faster-than-fungus approach to shake Our society. Another legislator, a woman like the first (thus the chance for a comment about dum--okay, forget it...), has suggested eliminating cockfighting in Puerto Rico. Now for those of you who are unfamiliar with the "sport," cockfighting pits two roosters who claw and peck at each other until one cannot continue. The loser usually ends up on the menu of either the cockfighting arena's cafeteria/restaurant or the owner's neighbors.

My paternal grandfather raised roosters for cockfighting for over 50 years. Many men in Puerto Rico have direct or close experience with the "sport." And as noted above, because gambling on cock fights is legal here, the amount of money that changes hands in open and private bets exceeds that of lottery sales. To try to ban it would be akin to pushing gun control in Montana: you'll get nowhere and only piss people off something fierce.

Unlike other mega-stupid ideas, I happen to agree in principle with this one. Cockfighting is a hideous "sport," one whose sole purpose is to maim or kill an animal. To think that the animal is "noble" or "courageous" for being bloodied is to mistake instinct for integrity. The argument that cockfighting allows the poor farmer to rub elbows with the rich doctor on equal terms is fatuous at best and venomously condescending at worst. But cockfighting in Puerto Rico has been "the people's sport," if by "people" you mean "men" and by "sport" you mean "bloodfest" since the 17th century. It greatly pre-dates the American Revolutionary War. Does this Fool really think that her bill slash used toilet paper will make a whit of progress in curtailing this spectacle?

Only if she's an idiot and by Foghorn's unseen gonads, she damn sure is.

That both of these bills come from proponents of statehood is not only expected, it's endemic. The pro-statehood party here has bought directly into the New American Dream of  "Be so pathetic, so horribly pathetic, that others just HAVE to do a makeover on your ass." Their idiotic attempts at gouging Our wallets and undermining Our society are aimed at making Us so pathetic, so horribly pathetic, that the U.S. of part of A. would have no choice but to FLING statehood at Our asses.

As a strategy, that's like a single woman slamming her face into a wall while scarfing 11,000 calories of junk food a day in order force the handsome rich guy to marry her. Pity is a poor basis for any relationship. And believe Me, the U.S. of part of A. has no pity for Puerto Rico, because pity requires at least a semblance of interest: you can't have pity for what you are sublimely indifferent to.

I could end this post with some pithy and witty putdowns using "cocks" and "bull" as the themes to riff on, but I'll decline what would be a pleasure to both of Us in favor of a simple "We continue the cock and bull story...unfortunately."


The Jenius Has Spoken.