10 November 2012

Stephenson Billings: This Is Your Life

Stephenson Billings, an anonymous coward, laughingly describes himself this way: "Investigative Journalist, Motivational Children's Party Entertainer and Antique Soda Bottle Collector all in one special, blessed package!" 

He pecks at a keyboard for The Daily Bleach, a satirical website filled with useless content aimed at distorting minds, and ChristWire, The Daily Bleach's retarded step-brother. From his faux biography, We get that Stephenson Billings--the homunuclus with no first name--was "Born Again in the Blood of the Lamb at the age of 33. 'I didn’t realize how hurt, how wrong I was until Jesus reached out and drew me close,' Stephenson has noted. 'He held me and I wept, I wept such hot, messy tears like a child.'"

Apparently this homoerotic fantasy was his interview entry to ChristWire, for Stephenson-in-hiding has proceeded to muck up screens there and at his other part-time latrine with articles that run the gamut from stupid and racist to racist and stupid.

His versatility eventually focused on Puerto Rico--or as he spells it, "Peurto Rico"--in an attempt to be satirical about the Island's non-request for statehood, based on a non-result from non-aware losers. Stephenson's article redefines crap to the extent that crap itself is insulted by being compared to Stephenson Billings...and his writings.

After glancing through the article and making peace with the new, lower, more disgusting definition of crap, I decided to respond. So here now, Stephenson Billings, This Is Your Life:

Stand-in for a coward
Stephenson, I fully expect to read about your arrest and trial for collecting child pornography, which, sadly, will interrupt your daily ritual of ass-fucking yourself with your favorite antique bottles, several of which are actually old maple syrup jugs from Eastern Vermont. Your lack of success is evident in that you'd rather use a 4-word Orwellian double-speak lie rather than "clown," which is intrinsically more accurate.

Your inability to write with any sense of style bespeaks of a wasted 7th grade education and an early marriage, most likely to a first cousin or half-sister, thus depriving you of any semblance of higher (for your tribe) education. It might also explain why you butt-fuck yourself with bottles as this early departure from school may have been caused by the unexpected death of your daddy, your first lover.

As for the self-proclaimed lie of "Investigative Journalist," it is also obvious that whatever investigations you undertake are of the "imagination slash animal porn" variety, ones where you greedily inhale a horse cock to satisfy Freudian urges you cannot even begin to fathom.

On the "journalist" side, your obvious ignorance of spell-check means you write your love letters to the stable denizens up the road from your hovel along the lines of "Fukc me horsy."

I applaud your attempt at satirical humor in the same way I applaud a monkey in a business suit: cute, but stupid and the monkey still plays with its shit. I suggest a new career for you in the field of security, where you use your ass and mouth as vaults to hide the dissected sex organs of random farm animals your wife/half-sister has fucked for the satisfaction you cannot give her. You'd get a kick out of it, I know, plus you'd be concealing evidence of your crimes of passion.

And yes, you are "blessed," in the exact same way a wet turd is "damp." Take pride in what little you can, Stephenson Billings, for it is so very little.

All in satirical fun, right?


The Jenius Has Spoken.

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