13 November 2006


Welcome to PuRgatory. Please listen carefully as the options menu has been severely reduced. We are in the process of enhanced deconstruction, so please be patient. Like you have a choice.

If you want better utilities, please call 1-800-PIGS FLY. The pigs in charge don't fly by themselves, but you get the picture.

If you want better roads, schools and medical services, call 1-800-FAT CATS; 1-800-EAT SHIT was already taken.

If you want taxes lowered and handled for the better welfare--uh--well-being of all, call your representative or senator. If you don't know who he or she is, you deserve to keep paying their overinflated salaries. If you do know, call 1-800-PARASITE and punch in the person's full name, age, office extension number, e-mail address, spouse's name and weight (if spouse is female, her height), then press the "number" key. The looping hyena laugh track is scratchy, but serviceable.

If you moved away and are calling to find out how things really are in PuRgatory, please dial 1-800-I AM A RAT and hang up. We'll call you back when We give a damn.

Please note that all internal exits from PuRgatory are closed. Not really, but since you act like they are, it amounts to the same thing.

Note: All 800 numbers have been suspended until further notice. Please dial 1-787-SCREWED. There's a nominal charge of $7.77 a second for the call. The average waiting time is four years, at which point you will hang up and spend a day helping PIGS FLY, FAT CATS and PARASITES keep you SCREWED again for another four years.

Although maybe by then, 1-800-EAT SHIT will be available. (Currently in use by the Spineless Wonder of the governor's mansion.)

You may now wildly wave your pathetic party flag and thunderously belt out Our national anthem while continuing to whine with your hand held out, waiting for the handout you neither earn nor deserve.

Thank you for making PuRgatory possible.

The Jenius Has Spoken.

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