28 December 2007

A Scorecard for Fools

If you are a legislator whose salary is more than 4 times the average income, who gets paid tax-free benefits that equal more than 2 times the average income, who is given additional benefits that can also amount to more than 24 times the average income and has a job whose sole purpose is to represent Us, then I absolutely and unequivocally believe your ass is Mine.

From the moment you get elected to the moment We kick your ass out or send it to jail (or both) you Mr., Ms. and Mrs. Legislator are Mine. For what you are getting paid, with your $120,000+ salary plus perks, with your six-figure “staff members,” free trips, free car, free services and free protection, you have the nerve, the unbefuckinglievable gall to not show up for work a third of the time?

To make it worse, when you do condescend to show up for work, you spend the majority of your time concocting dreck, playing to the hapless media and usually both at the same time. (Homages to beauty queens and accessories to murder, anyone?)

You, Fool, are My employee. I pay your worthless salary and the reason it is worthless is because I let you get away with murder. So here’s My idea: We establish a Scorecard. Yes, that’s right, We grade your asses. Every day.

To your first objection, namely that you don’t like this, here’s My response: Fuck you. Nobody is forcing you to take this job. You work for Us. Period. And if you don’t like having Us watch over your shoulder to see how you’re doing with Our present and future, then you have obviously never understood the concept of democracy. All the more reason to watch you closely.

To make it simple, the rules change. Since everything you do is a matter of public record, the Scorecard will simply collect what you do, when you do it, how you do it and maybe even why you do it (you love to talk about that to the mindless media) and make it a simple-to-read, easy-to-find piece of daily life.

Yes, daily life. The Scorecard should be a part of every newspaper, listing when you arrive for sessions (if you arrive, you overpaid ass), when you leave, who you met that day, what commission work you reported, who you hired, what legislation you wrote or signed, what bills you discussed or tabled, what response you lodged to Executive decisions and what monies you helped assign to Our priorities.

Yes, all that and more. Get it through your empty brainpan, you retarded bunny: You work for Me. Your ass is Mine. And what I want is for you to make an effort to earn your disgustingly oversized salary by actually working for it.

And before you start thinking about how to stop this from happening, let Me drop a few terms on your useless head: Internet, volunteers, world example, Our disgust.  See if you can put them together, oh retarded bunny.

The Jenius Has Spoken.


Gabriel said...

Man, we are the worst bosses in the history of the Universe...

Gil C. Schmidt said...

Maybe We can look back in 2012 and say "We USED to be the worst bosses..."

Gabriel said...

Yeah! We need hope, actually, more than hope, we need to get working to make that a reality.
Ha, I routinely send links to your posts to some friends who always comment back how they perceive your posts as negative. I explain to them that aside from some needed catharsis your stuff usually has a positive outlook and even when it doesn't you attempt to present an alternative or a solution (boy it sounds like I am sucking up to you doesn't it?)
Anyway, Happy 2008, you keep writing, we keep consuming... and maybe acting!

Gil C. Schmidt said...

Gabriel, The Jenius is often negative, but thank you for noticing (and supporting!) the options and solutions I also try to bring to the table. I feel I can do more of that, but in the long run, do people focus more on the criticism or on the solution? I guess I'll find out!

Nelson said...

How's that saying goes?

"Never argue with a fool (retarded bunny). Someone watching may not be able to tell the difference."

It's a loose-loose situation. Bordering on the impossible.

Gil C. Schmidt said...

Nelson, I avoid arguing with Fools by writing this blog. It seems to be working!