10 May 2006

Prediction for 2008

While the outhousers of the local legislature take a much-unneeded vacation, a voluntary one to rub it in for those who have unfairly received involuntary ones, The Jenius aims at the future. Mainly, the local 2008 elections.

Here, more than 29 months before the dread Election Day of 2008, is the cast of lackwit characterless dweebs who will form the pigpen of a ballot:

--Aníbal "I'm a Jellyfish" Acevedo: Current governor, president of the (im)popular (un)democratic party. Has no choice but to run, though he does so with the conviction that he won't win unless (A) all other candidates die and (B) he stuffs the ballot with fraudulent votes. He should ask the murderous moron in the White House for advice in that area.

--Pedro "I'm a Rabid Dog" Rosselló: Current president of the new(ly convicted) (non)progressive party, current fake senator and past governor of the most corrupt administration in Our history (over 30 convictions and counting) and chief butt plug of the outhouse process. He polarizes the electorate, between raving idiots who thinks he's a messiah and raving idiots who think he's an antichrist. Truth is, he is a mess, anti-Puerto Rico and demented to boot.

--Luis "I'm a Jellyfish Larva" Fortuño: Current chief beggar for Puerto Rico in Washington, Luis is in a power struggle with "Rabid Dog," only the mad cur holds almost all the cards and lil ol' Larva here has no teeth. Or strategy. Or presence. Or new ideas. It's like watching a bunny try to ram a Mack truck: after a while, it starts to seem funny.

--Willie "I'm a Wannabe" Miranda: In a surprise to everyone but Me, the current mayor of Caguas will lose to the Jellyfish in a primary...but will run for governor anyway. He will correctly assess that the Jellyfish is too limp to win and he will offer an alternative to a Rabid Dog and a Larva. He will also base his campaign on his admittedly effective transformation of Caguas along high-tech lines. Problem: Willie is not charismatic, not a good impromptu speaker and has a spotty career as an administrator. (Not corruption, but less-than-stellar results.)

Barring someone dealing with the Rabid Dog in the time-honored "bullet to the brain" manner, the campaign will be a 27-month (yes, it will start in July and drag and drag and drag and drag...) smearfest without even the thought of a shadow of a shred of leadership. If someone does bash the Rabid Dog into cowering silence in the lowlands of Virginia [the current candidate is José Aponte, (Out)House of Representatives (Vice) President], the campaign will be less polarized, but more chaotic as three weak voices try to drown each other out.

Who will win? Who cares? And don't give Me any lines about Us "always caring": if We really cared, The Fools wouldn't now be in place to pull this level of crappy shenanigans on Us.

The Jenius Has Spoken.


Aníbal said...

I take offense at you wildly innacurate misrepresentation of Roselló's administration as governor...

The number of convictions related to corruption while he was in charge already clocks in at over fifty!

Funny that you mention a "bullet-to-the-brain" solution to the problem of a "rabid dog", over at Ínsula Hirsuta the beginning of such a solution is being born...

Gabriel said...

I honestly think all this idiocy will benefit the island on the long run. Not all of us will leave. Those who stay will eventually sidestep goverment and get to work on improving their situation. Maybe a personal growth/goverment indiference meme will spread. All we need is to try to improve our individual situation and let a sort of reverse broken window theory take hold.