Piled High and Deeper

Attention, class. Mr. Jenius here. Take a look at this article in local fishwrap El Nuevo Día, about Federal concerns with local Department of (Mis)Education secretary Carlos "2 Tons of Suckitude" Chardón's flailings.

Yes, I know it's in Spanish. Here's the gist: The Feds are threatening to re-place Us on the "high risk" list (i.e. "The Ali Baba Times 32 Roster") because the Lumbering Loon at the DE's helm practically decapitated the department's Title I oversight personnel by having the vast majority of them (79 of 89) reassigned to school-level positions.

Yes, he sent the watchmen to the playground at a time when a proven lying drug dealer is head of the Federal Affairs office. More on that piece of walking fertilizer in a moment.

The Feds' letter was sent to the Wallowing Whale and Our muddle-headed excuse for a (non)governor, Luis "The Larva" Fortuño, indicating that some $2 billion in future education funding could be at risk. For perspective, the local government budget is about $9 billion a year, so $2 billion is a lot of cabbage.

But not as big a Cabbage Cow as Our Carlitos, whose sweeping suckitude also endangers fund management and oversight of Title II, III, IV and programs aimed at low-income families, of which We have a ton. Basically, at a time when the local zombie We call the DE is still under a heavy cloud of suspicion for federal fund fraud (hmmm, 4 Fs...), outright theft and a woefully-inept track record of marginal progress, Hamfisted Hippo decides to just gut the very level of fiscal management he needed to keep the PRDE Titanic afloat.

True, they may have been incompetent, but did the Robustest Republican say so? Did His Humongousness imply he was--dare I say?--cleaning house? Of course he didn't. In fact, the Gargantuan Gladhander got into more trouble with his Larva boss by saying that the problems in the department were caused by having to fire employees as part of the so-called government restructuring. Which begs the question: In a department as big as the local DE, the Portly Poopyhead couldn't find some other people to reassign?

Which brings Me to the bottom of the barrel, the absolute nadir of a nincompoop, heavy on the --you guessed it--poop. The director of the Federal Affairs office, a noted liar and drug dealer named William "Twitchy Frenzy" Ubiñas, had this to say about the situation:

"Vamos a cumplir”, dijo Ubiñas, al dejar entrever, además, que considera que pueden haber funcionarios en Educación federal que “no entienden” la situación de Puerto Rico."

"We are going to comply," said Ubiñas, while also implying he believes that there might be Federal Education personnel that "do not understand" the situation in Puerto Rico."

"Do not understand." Sigh...

Okay, Billy Bowel Movement, here's the skinny: It's their money.

Let Me draw you a picture: It's their money and it's their rules. The same rules everybody plays under. You take their money by accepting their rules. They don't have to understand ANYTHING, convict, YOU just have to play by the rules.

Given your past, I can see why you have trouble understanding that. And seeing as the Massive Mammoth that placed you there is partying like it's 1979--when he had his first swing-and-miss in the position--it's a wonder We haven't had the department closed down for lack of moral solvency.

Okay, the bell's about to ring. How I wish it did so to signal the last round on this Dinosaur/Drug Dealer Debacle.

The Jenius Has Spoken.

P.S. (31 Aug): Thanks to Edwin Vázquez who provided a link to the multi-page smackdown delivered by the Feds to the local DE. Especially galling to proud boricuas is the casual mention that Puerto Rico was the only "state" that didn't comply with the EDFacts program. Another case of Our Corpulent Clown and Criminal Cracker crushing Our educational canoe against the rocks.