26 December 2005

"Pick Your Status"

This won't take long...

After years of thumb-twiddling indifference, the U.S. congress (Fools don't rate capital letters) finally emits a report concerning Puerto Rico's status that is all of 6 pages long. This from a government that has 325-page manuals on how to purchase copier paper...

Six. Pages. Doesn't it just leave you all a-tingle knowing We rate 6 pages' worth of congress' time, especially when there's isn't a single new concept in the report?

Statehooders crowed. They would, being bird-brains. Commonwealthers scoffed. They would, being mindless drones incapable of seeing reality. And independence supporters tried to take center stage, but they lack the intellectual and moral strength needed to be heard above the squawking.

The report says unilateral (U.S.-based) status change is unconstitutional. Yeah, right. Statehooders, take a hint: We're not wanted.

The governor suggested going to the U.N. Go ahead, Aníbal: it's worked so well in the past. Hey, try the National Hockey League, too!

The only "solid" point was the requirement that a "binding plebiscite" be held in 2006 to determine whether commonwealth stays or goes. Hardly an original idea when even a Jenius can think of it. Yet We should note how vague--how unmentioned--"binding" criteria appear (or don't) in the report. No timetable to action. No indication of set procedure. Only a hazy sense of "transition".

Uh-huh. Statehooders, take a hint.

Prediction: The plebiscite will generate a double-shitload of political posturing in a country where political posturing could be exported like guano from Mammoth Caves. The plebiscite will be held, in November (to let the political posturing pile high and deep) and commonwealth will emerge as the "winner," essentially a 50% "choice."

And We'll be back to square one, exactly where We were before the 6-page report.

That's progress. The opposite of congress, as the saying goes.

The Jenius Has Spoken.

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