Sillie Willie

Caguas mayor "Willie" Miranda Marín has come out to suggest Puerto Rico should sue the U.S. for $100 billion because "they fooled us about our colonial status."

Silly Willie. Speak for yourself, Fool.

Maybe many of Us were "fooled" about Our colonial status, but those that were chose to be fooled by either willful ignorance or bovine indifference. Leaving aside the legality of suing a sovereign nation for acting in its own best interests--no matter how venal the action is--what the hell's the point, Willy Nilly?

Is it the money, the only thing you Fools respect, worship, crave, adore and lust after as much as power? If it's the cash, Willy Hillbilly, you gotta come up with some better number. Let Me explain in simple terms and you can have your staff help you understand it:

--Let's say that some 10 million Puerto Ricans have been "affected" under the dumb-as-dirt terms you propose AND that the $100 billion is awarded in judgement against the U.S. (The rest of you just play along for a moment: We have to go slow with Fools.) That works out to $10,000 per person, but since We're talking about a 50+ year period of "suffering", it all works out to under $200 a year for putting up with the indignity of being a colony. Now $200 is overpaying for your dignity, Willy Dilly, by about--oh--$200, but for the rest of Us, it's a damn insult.

If it's not the money, is it some "principle"? The aforementioned "dignity"? "Autonomy"? "Fair play"? "Human rights"? Feel free to stop Me if The Jenius mentions one you can actually comprehend. In a matter of fundamental cultural and political importance, you don't enter the crass confines of a lawsuit to "correct" a perceived wrong. There is no court with a jurisdiction over culture or sovereignty unless We as a people grant that authority.

As far as We know, the current status We have--like a rotting monkey grafted on Our collective foreheads--was not imposed, but negotiated. That means We have a contract, Willie Vanilli, so if anybody's to blame, it's the people who negotiated said contract. WHICH, if memory serves Me, was your very own party, Willie Billy(goat).

So here's My suggestion: Take your "idea" and shove it...into the noses of your own party's current "leadership." The U.S. is far from blameless in this fiasco, but don't go releasing your "Weak Willie" arguments where the rest of Us can hear them. You might want to be "Willie Wonk", but you're just showing yourself to be a lot loopier than Willy Wonka.

The Jenius Has Spoken.