01 February 2008

Three Strikes

Strike One: Our teachers want to go on strike. Forget the fact that it is illegal for government workers to go on strike. Forget the fact that Our schools suck like a Dyson and have fewer class days than any other country bereft of a civil war. No, let's forget that and focus on teachers leaving their jobs behind and going on strike.

These lazy, stupid obstacles to Our Highest Progress should go on strike, and a local mayor's plan to hire retired teachers and pay them $50 a day to keep his town's schools open should be emulated by every other mayor. Yes, teachers deserve more than $50 a day, but the experiment of hiring teachers who actually want to work might yield results that We can all focus on.

Strike Two: The local Permits and Regulations Office has decided--if pusillanimous waffling can be called deciding--that the controversial Paseo Caribe building can be demolished.

You read that right: A building can actually be destroyed. Will wonders never cease?

Of course, they refer to the fact that said building is solidly founded on public land, a fact known since 2003, before the building went up. And that it was this same Pusillanimous and Retarded Office that gave the many green lights to let the building be erected. Not once, but twice.

So will the building adjacent to the Caribe Hilton and historic (if by historic you mean "in ruins and smelling of wino piss") Fort San Gerónimo be crashing into rubble anytime soon? 

No. For in this case, We're more into waffles than Aunt Jemima.

Strike Three: There's a movement to call a special election for Resolution 99, the first ever attempt at amending Our Constitution. Over its 50+ year history, Our Constitution has stood inviolate, unmodified and largely unknown to Us and especially to those who blithely call for it to be rewritten over any old subject. Like in this case.

For you see, Resolution 99 is aimed at amending Our Constitution to "define marriage as between a man and a woman."

Our first amendment is not aimed at rejecting Our humiliating colonial status, or throwing off economic shackles no self-respecting country would put up with. Nor is it even about correcting a government system so rife with laws and exceptions We make the Byzantine Empire seem like a game of Old Maid. No, it's about defining marriage as "between a man and a woman."

Marriage; that basic institution of Our society deemed so vital to Our present and future. That same institution where the failure rate is almost 50%. So instead of trying to develop a society where its most vital institution has a better than 1-in-2 chance of failing, We aim to restrict said institution to "man and woman" only.

What a crock. Let's really make this an amendement worth wasting money and time on. Let's have a resolution to define marriage this way:

"The union of two adults, who have shown by their actions in society that they understand and accept the responsibilities of being exemplary citizens, trustworthy friends and community supporters in both good times and bad. Furthermore, these two adults must show a willingness to earn their income, save and invest part of it and eschew overconsumption. And finally, these two adults must have shown from the above actions and community service that they understand and accept the responsibility of bringing and raising children into Our society, that they can and will provide for them in proper levels of nurturing, health and education from before birth until death part them."

If at that point you want to define marriage as "between man and woman," good luck. Because Those of Us who agree with the above standards--or close to them--and seek to provide as much for Our children aren't going to give a rat's patootie if it's a man and a woman or a man and a man or a woman and a woman striving for the same level of achievement. Because in the end, a 50% failure rate at such a fundamental level of Our society is exponentially more damaging than trying to regulate the private lives of people who truly want to care for each other "until death do you part."

The Jenius Has Spoken.

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