18 February 2008

The Weight of Stupid

In three weeks, the local statehood party (species Sansdignitas ignoramus) will go to brown paper closets with stubby pencils and choose between a Never Was and a Never Again.

The Never Was is current Head Beggar in Washington D.C. (okay, Resident Commissioner) Luis "Larva" Fortuño, a nerdy excuse for a leader, a straight-laced Pee Wee Herman without the charisma. "Larva" has been around for several years, but for all that he wants to puff himself up, he really only has one one main distinction: He isn't Stupid.

Stupid is, of course, the Never Again Pedro Rosselló, ertwhile rapacious buffoon for two theft-filled terms as faux-governor of Ours. He named Larva to the latter's first major post and even consolidated three economy-related agencies into one so that Larva could run them all into the ground. (Although in defense of soon-to-mutate juvenile lifeforms, the agencies were headed south way before they were jammed together like crashing meteors.)

This primary once again seems to  epitomize the all-too-often repeated scenario that undermines the power of democracy: We are consistently faced with a choice between Blech and Blagh, a Devil's Catch-22 where you're damned no matter who you choose.

So what does this mean, this crappy crap-shoot, for Our immediate future? Here's My take: Larva wins, Stupid goes blotto and practically re-hands the governor's mansion to the current Jellyfish...which means We are headed for four more useless years.

Is this inevitable? No. I've mentioned before that governor Aníbal "Jellyfish" Acevedo is working to get Stupid chosen as his November rival and if that happens, the likely result is that Larva goes catatonic (he's almost there already) and Stupid polarizes the electorate again, re-handing the governor's mansion to Jellyfish.

Devil's Catch-22 indeed. The leading candidate for numbnut of the decade may end up being a two-time governor of Our Island simply because the opposition is saddled by Stupid: Stupid's past, Stupid's present and Stupid's future.  Like a barnacle-encrusted anchor attached to a canoe, Stupid weighs Us down. We don't cut him loose and We don't have any will to get a bigger boat.

The Devil's Catch-22 could be thus subtitled "Dead in the Water". ¡Viva la democracia!

The Jenius Has Spoken.


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