17 October 2008

Going Out of (Brains) Sale!

The newest retail sales strategy in Puerto Rico is easy to describe:

1) Wait for a major storm system to blanket the Island.

2) Pray--beg the gods, dammit--for the storm system to lay waste across Our homes through wind and water.

3) Open the store early.

What happened to turn "natural disaster" to "retail boost"? Thanks must be laid at the gelatinous hemline of Our UnGovernor Aníbal "Jellyfish" Acevedo who promoted the idea of eliminating the sales tax on such disaster-related essential items as plasma screens, laser printers, washing machines and  stereo systems. Spank My hiney and call Me Becky! This is great news!

See, now, when the weather turns foul beyond belief and the ravages of Nature slap Us around to the point of desolation, now We don't have to sit around just munching Vienna sausages, saltines and drinking lukewarm water while bemoaning the lack of air conditioning and cable TV...now We can go shopping!

Isn't this just political genius? Turning a disaster into a holiday for mass consumption? And doesn't it just warm the cockles of your heart to know that at a time when people could be coming together to rebuild Our Island, We can have one group rebuilding and another mall crawling? Isn't this f-----g brilliant?

Now We can look forward to a time when by the vagaries of Nature, Our home is spared the ravages of wind and water so that, when the sun comes out, We can trundle down to the big box retailer and load up on a home entertainment system that'll knock the socks off anything the freaking neighbors might have (left) AND save the 7% tax to boot! 


Make sure to buy a heavy-duty electric generator before the storm-based tax holiday, for you see, electrical generators, very useful when the power grid is down (which has been known to happen even before a storm hits Us), are not exempt from taxes after a storm hits. Funny thing, right? Post-storm, plasma screen: tax-free. Post-storm, electric generator: taxed. 

But you can get a tax credit for buying one before the storm. Only you have to pay the 7% tax to get the tax credit... Buy hey, there's still a few days before the election. Send your wish list of "To Buy" items to The Jellyfish, imply you're undecided about your vote and maybe he can set up some more nifty discounts for you.

The Jenius Has Spoken.

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