03 October 2008

Hodge-Podge, Part II

More stuff floating around... ("Floating"!! Get it?!? Get it?!? I'm so funny!!)

--The local gubernatorial candidates had a debate. That was like four retarded cowboys trying to lasso a cactus...and failing. Here's My plan for future debates: One topic per debate, six debates, on education, health care, crime/public safety, legislation and the economy (2 debates). Each debate is two hours long, with questions prepared by journalists and citizens and selected at random, with each candidate having 90 seconds to answer. The final half-hour of the debate is for candidates to ask each other questions based on the questions asked before (make sure they were paying attention), 60 seconds to answer. At least We'll get a glimmer of information rather than a freak show.

--Speaking of debates, when was a debate between vice-presidential candidates ever worth spending more than 30 seconds on? Enter Sarah "Dubya As A Woman" Palin. I actually watched the damn thing and here's My take: I'd rather wade through muck for a day than listen to Palin babble. She's a pre-schooler at a philosophy convention. A toddler at a marathon. A Special Olympian on "Jeopardy!" I can't wait until she disappears back into a moose or wherever she came from. But given the sub-normal level of intelligence of the average voter--and particularly Republicans--she'll probably be around longer than malaria. And cause more harm.

--And speaking of really stupid people, Jorge "Somebody Put Me Out of My Misery" De Castro, exiled senator from one party, former fundraising hero, gadfly and tabasco sauce enema to another (which is what got him kicked out of the other party), was arrested for taking bribes. Or so the feds say. And they say--drum roll, please--that they have De Castor Oil on tape. You hear that huge sucking sound? It's the Cuban contingent that supported the walking laxative running away from him as he goes down. And rest assured, he will go down. Anything else should be cause to burn all legislative offices to a pile of ashes.

--Puerto Rico got pork from rum. As part of the bailout bill, Congress gave Us $192 million in excise taxes from rum production. Don't thank Congress, or The Jellyfish governor We have or the Larva running against him: This was a rider added to force completion of a process that had to be done anyway. Those tax monies were to be returned at some point. In other words, that rider was a time-saver, sweeping "dust" off the table to get to the real con job. Let's see how The Jellyfish and the Larva spin this fiasco as "My Power in Washington," Fractured Fairy Tale # 3,592. 

The Jenius Has Spoken.

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