28 March 2008

Busted Jellyfish

* Governor Aníbal "Busted Jellyfish" Acevedo is rung up on 19 federal charges, including campaign fund fraud, tax fraud and perjury. Reports are that he (allegedly, ho-hum) pocketed campaign monies, even to the extent of taking trips with his family with those funds.

* The local F.B.I. office and lead prosecutor put on a 25-minute display of evidence, tracing people, actions, funds and possible crimes across several states and over a 7-year period.

* For the first time in Our history, a governor is brought up on criminal charges. Should have happened sooner, but what the heck, better late than never, right?

* One of the arrested, Miguel "I Am Not Guilty" Nazario, is a former Ponce Cement and El Nuevo Día executive. Both companies are owned by the Ferré Rangel cartel and guess which leading local newspaper did NOT mention this?

* The initial talk after the early morning arrests was that the governor's lawyers were "negotiating his surrender/arrest." Bullpuckey. Arrests are non-negotiable. What was being negotiated was his possible sentence IF he loses his case. (I say "if" only out of courtesy.)

* Federal Grand Jury conviction rates run at about 97%. Place your bets now.

* The Busted Jellyfish's choices on how to face this crisis boiled down to two options: Lead or play victim. By 11 a.m. local time, We knew the answer: He was wailing "political persecution."

* That the murderous moron and his addled cronies have made a mockery of the U.S. justice system is beyond debate. That Busted Jellyfish is sooo important a target--even to the idea that in persecuting him they are somehow "attacking" Sen. Barack Obama--is sooo laughable as to be nitrous oxide.

* I'll simplify for the party faithful: No, it isn't political persecution.

* Caguas Mayor Willie "Money Market" Miranda quickly staked out his political position as "Loyal soldier ready to carry the standard." In real-world terms: crafty weasel.

* The (Un)Popular (Anti)Democratic Wake--er, Party--went with "The Battle for (to defend)  Puerto Rico" ("dar la batalla por Puerto Rico") spinning the Busted Jellyfish's idiocy into some heroic fight for a dignity the party itself doesn't have.

* The opponents took a high road laced with contempt. Stupidest rumor: That Pedro Stupid Rosselló knew the charges were coming and "deliberately" lost the primary. Yeah, and Moses won the Kentucky Derby running backwards. Stupid Rosselló doesn't know squat about the case and if he did know, his best strategy was clearly to run, kick the stuffing out of Luis "Waldo Boy" Fortuño and thus become the prohibitive front-runner for governor in November.

* Really, really pissed off by the charges: The independentista "leadership", who given the wide-open nature of the upcoming election, are now forced to spend an extra wad of money in ads and "electoral efforts." Hey! That cuts into their profits!

* The evening appearance by the Busted Jellyfish was his moment of truth. It was a moment. He had no truth to offer. He opened with "It's a weak economy" followed by a weak "I'm the victim of political persecution" and closed 3 minutes later with a weak "I will continue to lead you." Wake up call, Fool: You have never led us, except to shame.

* A long time ago I wrote that these Fools take the position of "I'm innocent because I stay in my position." Busted Jellyfish, who isn't resigning immediately, is adopting the same cretinous pose.

* Most people opine that the Busted One should resign "to best manage his defense," "for the welfare of his family" or "for the good of Our Island." Here's a reason: He should resign because he has been formally accused of crimes. Sure, there's the presumption of innocence. But there's also the assumption that Our leaders should be law-abiding. To consider his defense a distraction is fatuous: The Busted Jellyfish was never any good at doing his supposed job, anyway. To say he should think of his family is to ignore the evidence that he (allegedly, ho-hum) did these things without considering his family's ultimate welfare. And to ask a Busted Jellyfish, or any Fool, to think of the country before him- or herself is to ask a dungheap to whistle Beethoven's Ninth.

* Why the Jellyfish and not Stupid Rosselló? The difference between a bank robber and a drug lord. The bank robber directly touches the money; the drug lord has other people touch all the money and lets them develop his interests. He gives them initial access, short-term protection and thus a chance to make a ton of dough--his way. And when these patsies fall, there is no evidence that leads to the drug lord's doorstep. 

* Now what? Don't expect impeachment to make much headway. Expect the Federal agencies involved to apply the pressure with additional arrests, charges and dark hints. Expect the net of this multi-tiered investigation to be cast wider, aiming at businesses in the States and in Puerto Rico. Expect vapid doodyheads of all party stripes to blahblahblah as if they were paid by the syllable. Expect a leading local newspaper to drop a bombshell announcement about itself soon. And expect the local elections to become a veritable chicken coop of totally-useless actions that ultimately leave everything pretty much the same.

And expect the Busted Jellyfish to lose his case.

The Jenius Has Spoken.

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