05 March 2008

Shotgun Thoughts

---My Thanks once again to Janine Mendes-Franco for placing another of My posts in Global Voices Online.  (Although I prefer she make a bid...)

---Teacher Federation and leading numbnut Rafael "I Done Be a Teacher" Feliciano claims that the recent almost-strike "strengthened" the educational system. That's like saying that eating a bowl of raw sewage helps your digestion. And yes, the analogy directly compares "striking teachers" with "raw sewage."

---The media frenzy for the March 9th primaries is rising in pitch and--unbelievably--dropping in IQ. From rabid posturing on the part of so-called analysts who slammed Pedro Stupid Rosselló and now sense he'll win to frantic speculation that Aníbal "Jellyfish" Acevedo will be replaced at the last minute by former governor Rafael "The Faux Spaniard" Hernández Colón or Willie "Too Dark Until it's Too Late" Miranda, the media and brain-damaged blind seers have hit the proverbial wall.

---Speaking of Caguas Mayor Willie "The Say Huh? Kid", he suggests that the U.S. government take $120 billion ($6 billion annual funds transfer projected 20 years) and place it in a kind of trust for the local government to use in self-managed fashion. Pros: At a paltry 6% interest rate, the fund generates over $7 billion. Mo' money! Cons: Will be running it. (Get it? Get it?!) To put $120 billion of Uncle Sam's sinking currency in the hands of local pre-penitentiary managers is akin to burning the cash in a useless war effort: The end result is plenty of pain, no gain. Proof: $36 billion in Education funds and We trail Guam and the Marianas Islands in educational progress.

---There's a Children's Hospital in San Juan with a huge billboard advertising its newest service: Emergency Room Valet Parking. I am going to set Myself on fire. This is the kind of health care innovation We need, because God knows that every time I need an emergency room, I simply fret about the parking problem. Now I may have to carry a few spare ones in the glove compartment for proper tipping...

---Combining My new slogan for Puerto Rico with My latest Global Voices post pick-up, We can foresee a day when Our Island can raise a banner at the International Airport proudly proclaiming "Under New Management!" (Yes, I thought that one up all by Myself.)

The Jenius Has Spoken.

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