19 December 2008

Math and Analogy

What will happen in Puerto Rico over the next four years if:

A) The economy keeps tanking as it has since 2007;

B) The local Department of Education gets slammed for its decades-long incompetence and Our public schools get commandeered by the Federal Department of Education; and

C) Fidel Castro dies, Raúl Castro realizes the shoes he's been trying to fill are about to be bloodied and he hightails to Venezuela, leaving Cuba open to become a "player's market."

(A) is about 80% certain; (B) is about 85% certain and (C) is only about 40% certain (a Jenius can be sure and hedge His bets at the same time), but of the three, (C) is the one that kicks Us to the curb, pees on Our head and walks away cackling.

¿Por qué? Because (C) wipes Puerto Rico off the political and economical map of the U.S. of part of A., where it occupies a region about the same size as Alligator, Mississippi.

Having Our economy go down the toilet is a major problem for Us, but only a small problem for Uncle Sam. He still gets his, while We whine and beg for a few additional crumbs. Immigration? Not a problem. To them, We're a better option than other Hispanics and since We have citizenship, it isn't really "foreigners crashing the shores," right?

Having Our educational (hahahahahadumb) system taken over under the No Child Left Behind (hahahahahahahadumber) crackpot deal would be a major deal for Us, and a minor economic boon for Uncle Sam's business people, who would flood Our schools and communities with products and services in a 21st-century "Americanization" project that would be half patronizing, half greedy and half The Three Stooges. (Yeah, My math is off. So's the educational system.)

But having Cuba open her doors to entrepreneurial power, with the U.S. of part of A. coming in as the lately-bedraggled-but-still-hunky suitor would set the nubile Cuban markets on fire while Our menopausal cranky hag of a market turns purple with rage and envy, most likely remembering when she was nubile and had the attention of the hunky rapist--er, suitor.

In following the math trend of this post, the formula would look like this:

(-Economy) + (-Education) + Takeover + Cuban Mistress = Forgotten Crone

Then again, We could avoid all that and actually become the spearhead for U.S.-Cuban investment...though in My analogy, you could almost call that pimping.

Oh well, some analogies just can't be stretched...far enough.

The Jenius Has Spoken.

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