14 February 2007

Parties Pooping

One party is heading towards an implosive primary, the other one is merely shrinking in on itself. Welcome to Puerto Rico's Two Parties Pooping.

Let's take the more dramatic (as in asinine) first. The statehood party--whose symbol should be a red, blue and off-white lamprey--will have a clash between Pedro Stupid Rosselló, he of the indefensible corruption and Luis "Chief Beggar" Fortuño, Stupid Rosselló's
"super-secretary" and now chief rival.

On the one hand, this upcoming battle can be framed as rabid mutt vs. twitchy rabbit, but that would demean both animal species and insult the fine name of rabies. On the other hand, it can be seen for what it is: A party truly deciding whether it wants leadership--in a wispy, pale, fetid way, at best--or choosing to be hog-tied by fanaticism.

Then We have the commonwealth party, whose symbol should be a red and off-white lamprey. They are now in the throes of "seriously and honestly" redefining themselves.

Uh..okay. So up 'til now, what have you been doing? Joking and lying? Faking it and weaving fairy tales? Being insincere and fabricating evidence? It took you 60-something years to figure this out?

The worst part about all this is the endless empty coverage of nothing but sputum. Imagine the horror of having all media go 24/7 on, say, the untimely death of a stupid fat stripper. Imagine that! How utterly awful that would be!

Now imagine that this goes on not for a week, but for 18 months. Yeah, welcome to the Parties Pooping portion of Our existence, Part 25. It will make the stupid fat stripper look like a calendar girl.

The Jenius Has Spoken.


Ana Oquendo said...

How could you forget to include the independence party. Who are now seeking "outside" elements to have something but the same-old same-old to present its voters in the next election; in the hopes of "at-least" mantain the party's legal status as parasite of the electoral public funds...

GCSchmidt said...

I didn't forget them, Soldier: They don't count. They haven't really mattered since 1980, or more visibly, since the ballyhoooed Cerro Maravilla trial, when their role in that fiasco was akin to being the dead body in the abandoned car's trunk. Yes, they are parasites, but then again they always have been. The biggest and most shamweful failure of the independentistas has been to trumpet themselves as being "the most Puerto Rican" and yet failing--miserably--to really understand what a Puerto Rican really is. Will they survive? Maybe, but more like fungus than functional.

Addendum: You stated you hate moderated comments sections; I agree. But though the Internet is free, My little portion of it isn't. The religious screed someone spammed Me with is allowable under free speech, but not in My space. That's like having a house and letting just anyone come in and take a dump in the kitchen. So to avoid future unwanted spam, I moderate. But I wish I didn't have to, for I don't mind people disagreeing with Me, I just hate dealing with crass stupidity.

Thanks for commenting. I'll be in your blog house soon.