11 December 2012

Statehood For Puerto Rico? Nuh-uh

I'll give you a hint about where this post is going: the first title for it was "Statehood For Puerto Rico? Fuck Off."

Based on the overhyped, overwrought and oversold November 6th referendum, the White House hand an online petition going asking if statehood for Puerto Rico should be considered. I would have added the words "seriously" and "by Congress," but that's just Me: I'm a stickler for actually saying what I mean and doing what I say. I'm funny that way.

In all, the petition had a target number of signatures it needed to make it "official," as in "We'll write up something and give it to someone who will forward it to some person," but--and you know where I'm headed with this--the petition failed to reach its goal and the White House shut the "offer" down. Closed. Cerrado. Fuck off.

Now it's true that a ton of people, a majority I would say, don't believe that online petitions, even from the White House, are truly tools of democracy. On the other hand (a phrase replaced nowadays by "Having said that," which is moronic use of English along the lines of "At this point in time" for "Now." which would make "nowadays" be "atthispointintimedays"...) online petitions have forced policy changes, the reversing of corporate decisions and--yes--swayed referenda. So even if most online petitions are useless, there is plenty of evidence that if you care enough, they can be useful.

Obviously, statehooders don't care enough. And neither do the potential statehood approvers at the government and citizen levels. And this second group, the most important one? They've never cared. Never will, either.

The problem with statehooders--aside from their obvious lack of self-respect, national pride and ignorance about the country they slobber to join--is that they truly, deep down, want the U.S. of part of A. to impose statehood, to simply say "You are mine, now" in the way a stupid addle-headed useless gash of a girl moons over a glittery pasty-faced gutless douchebag vampire. Statehooders don't want to make statehood happen, they want it to happen in the pseudo-magical way that boons are dispensed in fairy tales.

Now here's the thing: that paragraph above, with minor changes, applies to another of Our groups on "political activism":

The problem with independentistas--aside from their obvious lack of self-discipline, cowardice of convictions and total ignorance about the country We could create--is that they truly, deep down, want the U.S. of part of A. to impose independence, to simply say "You are not mine, now" in the way a stupid addle-headed useless gash of a girl moons over a glittery pasty-faced gutless douchebag vampire. Independentistas don't want to make independence happen, they want it to happen in the pseudo-magical way that boons are dispensed in fairy tales.

And yes, some independentistas will say "We have heroes who fought for independence!", but I'll retort that "Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent" and point out that if criminals--people who preyed upon their own brethren--are your heroes, you need new heroes. Or decapitation.


What are the odds now that statehood will be seriously placed before Congress, what with the """61%""" support in the November 6 referendum, which melts to 45% in the light of objective reality? 10-to-1? 25-to-1?

Allow Me to toss this out: how about 50-t0-1?


The Jenius Has Spoken.

04 December 2012

Innovate? Hell No, Imitate!

Recently-elected (faux)governor Larva Lite--uh, AGaPito...--uh, let Me try again... Alejandro García is working hard----to "reinvent government." Sounds good. Worthy goal. I'd tip My hat to him if I wore one. (That's funny if you know Me.) Let's give him a hand!

Across the face. As in bitch-slap. Because even a Larva Lite knows that this whole "reinventing government" shtick is older than dirt and just as smart. It's a publicity stunt with the agility of a pre-Ramses I mummy...tightly wrapped.

No, it's not about innovation. If We had the capacity to innovate, to truly be creative about reinventing what passes for government, We'd have a penthouse rather than an outhouse. The fact is, We have the creative capacity of a brain-damaged lizard when it comes to making Our government "better": Our lizard-brain jerkwads and fanatical stupidity make government "better" only for greedy assholes who smarmily fuck the rest of Us.

Yeah, that's the kiddie version. You should have read the adult version...

So screw all this hullabaloo about "reinventing" Our government. Larva Lite might as well try to make giraffes sing La Traviata or reunite missing socks with their lonely left-behind sad socks. (That made Me giggle on a couple of levels...) On a scale of "Done" to "Not a fucking chance in hell," Larva Lite is so far from "Done" he'd need the Hubble to even see the outer edges of "Not a fucking chance in hell."

So what is your suggestion, O Jenius of the Potty Mouth? This: imitate.

Two examples. The first is Germany, home of beer, Wienerschnitzel and Wagner's comic touch. Here's their claim for imitation: "Germany says it will achieve (this year) a fully balanced budget across all layers of government this year thanks to a resilient economy, low unemployment, higher tax revenues and low borrowing costs."

Bam! Done. Look at that list! "Fully-balanced budget." "All layers of government." "Resilient economy." "Low unemployment." "Higher tax revenues." "LOW BORROWING COSTS!"

Holy shit. That's like, made-to-order for Us!

What? You don't think that's possible? That list is too, well, pastel en el cielo for Us?

Ukrainian Prime Minister, not half-assed Nazi salute.
Agreed. Larva Lite can only do what a Larva Lite can (barely) do.

So here's what he and his ilk should imitate: Entire Ukraine government resigns.

Yup. They up and quit. Took a look in the proverbial mirror, saw the shitstorm they were in and decided to just turn tail and get the hell out of Donetsk.

Can't blame them. It's the right thing to do. Let other people take over, you know, smart, dedicated, results-focused, talented people. Let the cream rise to the challenge rather than dropping dregs on dregs.

And to those who say We should wait until Larva Lite and his ilk actually get into government before telling them--or demanding--that they quit, here's My response: they won't make a positive difference. Our government is wrecked, no matter who paws the steering wheel and grinds the gears.

I wish We were headed for Germany's example, but the fact is, the Ukraine shows Us Our best path.

I wonder how you say "Ay bendito" in Russian...

The Jenius Has Spoken.