22 September 2010

More About Piss

Seems like a week ago it was all about penises, now it's all about pee...That's what happens when I focus on politics in Puerto Rico.

According to news reports, the legislators and other government personnel are now going to have to undergo mandatory drug tests. In essence, they will have to pee in a cup and refusing to do so will constitute an automatic "Guilty" label, with unclear consequences.

Let Me start there: Much as it pains Me--and believe Me, it does... a lot--to defend these scum, a person's refusal to take a drug test once should not constitute an automatic penalty, especially when that penalty is unclear or worse, ineffective. Say that legislator Pusforbrains refuses to take the drug test and is then summarily executed. Much as I like that scenario, it's wrong. The penalty is too harsh. On the other hand, if he refuses the drug test and nothing happens because nothing enforceable can happen, then I'd rather see the scumbag die. The reason is obvious: a procedure like this, without penalty, changes nothing and just becomes an additional public expense that no one cares about.

Now the present and future pissers are upset because they'll have to provide some of their precious body fluids for scrutiny. On that point, I don't give a rat's ass what they think. Shut up and pee. If you had policed yourselves better, you could have avoided this. And screw you for thinking you're above the rest and thus exempted from doing what you mandated so many others have to do. Hypocrisy is the first cousin of deceit, so stop the incest right there, right now.

And because the biggest mouths often have the emptiest brain pans, Let's preemptively strike at their future refusals by taking one of their member's (pardon the pun...aw hell, there I go again...) off-the-cuff boasts and have the legislators pee live, on camera, in televised sessions where the preliminary results are flashed onscreen for all to see. Alcohol level? Yeah. THC? Sure. Cocaine, heroin, LSD, frog sweat, ecstasy, PCP? Hell yeah. Let's turn this into a bi-monthly media circus where pee is the content and the pissers are on trial. It might even be fun to have a real-time poll indicating what We think each legislator's kidney output will show. And when one happens to fail drug test--when, not if--We get to participate in another poll on whether he or she will fail again and thus be executed.

Or whatever. You catch My drift. Because unless We put some muscle behind these drug tests, legal, political and social, We're bound to have 100% attention on the first test, 50% on the second and none thereafter, no matter who refuses or how many times they rig the game to keep their piss from a lab. At that point, they wouldn't be pissing for the law, but pissing on it. Again.

The Jenius Has Spoken.


The Insider said...

I guess they'll be selling fresh pee on the black market now. Seems like there could be a new demand for it.

Regular Joses lose their blue collar jobs for failing piss tests. The upper ranks shouldn't be above the law either.

Penalty? Ensuring the results are accurate and publishing it for all to see are a good start! That'll give the ones who stick to the Medalla some campaign napalm to work with... ;)

The Insider said...

Wait, I'm confused... Did you start covering topics on Iran and China now too?

You can't really be talking about the *United States* Commonwealth of Puerto Rico here... are you? ;)

GCSchmidt said...

Insider, I'm more in favor of castration of politicians over micturation by politicians, but it's a step in the right direction IF We enforce penalties when they fail. No other alternative is useful.