01 April 2006

Fools and Frauds

Hang on: this one gets complicated...

The local (out)house of representatives--Den of Fools--decides to bestow an honor on a Cuban miscreant who literally got away with being an accessory to murder. Part of the local Cuban community, supported by a socialist group representing 0.001% of Us and independentistas (representing another 0.001%) head for the Capitol building to protest the event. For whatever reason, the protesters decide to (a) storm the building to protest more directly and (b) lower the U.S. flag. Guards and police try to stop both actions, the press covers every action and word and within minutes, police, journalists and protesters are fighting with each other, gas and fire extinguisher fluid is flying, doors are broken, windows are smashed and even the display case where the Constitution of Puerto Rico lies is badly cracked when somebody slams a decorative guidepost into it.

One particluarly amusing video shows a news photographer and a high-ranking police officer squaring off like drunken roosters, with the photog eventually pushing his camera (he wanted to use it as a club, but those damn cameras are expensive) into the policeman's face, then both falling as they tussle in the doorway of the Capitol building.

And no, this isn't an April Fool's Day prank. This is Always Fools Days in Puerto Rico.

Let's break this down:

--The Outhouse of representatives has no business--none--giving homage to anyone. First, you have to be worthy of honoring someone, which the Den of Fools and Subsidiary Branches are obviously not. Second, a self-confessed accessory to murder is never worthy of "national" honors. Forget that he's Cuban: he's a coward and a moral cesspool. But that still makes him a saint compared to the Denizens of the Outhouse.

--Protesting the supposed recognition is perfectly acceptable, but under what right does a socialist group and Our independentistas think they can protest to protect "Cuban honor"? Cubans do that well on their own. And for decades, these local movements have often turned to Cuba for political support; that it never comes to fruition is simply geopolitical reality. And what connection is there between this act of stupidity by the Outhousers and the still-birth independence movement?

--Along those lines, why try to bring down the U.S. flag? Question to the protesters: Were you bored? Upset that nothing really juicy was happening? Needed to prove you might remember what teenage acting out is all about? Storming the building is one thing: there's a clear right of admission, though decorum is certainly to be maintained. But bringing down a flag? How desperate are you people? How pathetic can you get? (That's a rhetorical question, so stop trying to answer it, okay?) Here's an idea: Circle the flagpole with your backs to the U.S. flag. No one--no one--can stop your protest and you make your point. See, making your point is where you folks fail: you don't know how because you can't articulate one with any degree of rational effectiveness. Shame on you for that.

--The police and Capitol guards were trying to do their job, but under a darkening cloud of heightened tension: the police and the press have clashed recently; the press and the statehood party have butted heads in the past few years; the press and the F.B.I. recently had an altercation during a "raid" against independentista "leaders" (Disclosure: one of whom is directly related to Me), leading to the local Justice Secretary issuing subpoenas against the F.B.I. because of the physical attacks and pepper-spraying of local journalists, legal writs that are probably being used as toilet paper right...about...now! Short version: there weren't enough watchmen. And the local press...

--...has got to start acting like professionals rather than parasitic ruffians. Yes, you invertebrates of the Fourth Estate have a job to do, an extremely important job. But you cannot go around slavering behind Fools and their gossip, eager for fetid crumbs of their inanity and expect them to respect you in the morning. If you let their stupidity pass unchallenged, you become an accessory, a partner in misdirection. The Fools know it and the police know it, so when you rise on your hind legs and bray (do invertebrates bray?) "I'm the Press and I have the right", you are technically correct, but morally bankrupt. Doing your job doesn't mean sucking mindlessly, nor does it mean mindlessly confronting. Yes, the F.B.I. overstepped itself badly; the level of incompetence showed in the local raid would have cost several people their jobs if it had happened in the States. But the Stateside press would have lasered the F.B.I. in the nuts and broiled them instead of settling for flapping boneless limbs and mewling. And one last thing: you're there to cover the event, not become it.

--And last, but not least: a decorative guidepost, one of those gaudy metallic things that holds up velvet ropes, was slammed atop the Puerto Rico Constitution's display case...and it cracked?! Now wait just a freakin' minute! That document spent five years--5 whole years!--up in Washington D.C. while some phlegm-brained twiddlers supposedly encased the document in an airtight, BULLETPROOF display that would protect it for at least a hundred years. How the HELL does a five-year, seven-figure investment turn out to be such a huge crock of flimsy glassware? Somebody took Our money and gave Us shoddy goods.

Fools, frauds and failures. Yee. Haw.

The Jenius Has Spoken.

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