17 April 2006

The Gil Schmidt Index

If you Google “Gil C. Schmidt” (and you do, right?), every result that appears refers to Me. However, I often go by just “Gil Schmidt” and if you Google that, you get—well—a mixed bag of results. So in order to straighten out the mess Google makes of this very important topic, here’s The Official Gil Schmidt Index:

Page 1:
“Gil The Jenius” listed first and second. How entertaining for Me. Must be wonderful for you, too.

The “Gil Schmidt” site is not Me, but note that this Gil Schmidt has “0 friends.” I can hear some people saying: Must be genetic.

Oh. My. Aching. Head. There’s an elected official, a constable no less, in Louisiana named Gil Schmidt. Even worse: this Gil is a Republican. His picture is available, so you can confirm it isn’t—it can’t be—Me.

How the blue blazes does one go from “Charles” to “Gil”? That’s just plain wrong. Then again, “Charles” means “manly, strong” so the connection is damn obvious. (Then again, Google “meaning gil” and this is result #1 and this is NON-result #4. I’m going to moan softly now.)

Jim O’Malley mentions Me, as does Kevin Shockey. Smart men. Maybe even Jeniuses.

And that Short Story Contest winner? Yeah, that’s Me. Allow Me to point out that I won two years in a row…

An emergency surgeon? Could have been, for I was interested in trauma surgery back when I was GCSPrank. But no, this Gil Schmidt is one of My other-dimensional aspects.

Page 2:
That Constable again! Call him at 800-675-1368 and tell him something constably.

You can see a different picture, goofy and grainy, of Gil Schmidt…but thankfully, it ain’t Me either.

The professor? Not Me. (But I had the hots for Mary Ann…)

“Gil Schmidt Cruz”? That’s Me. Good article, though dated.

Something about a Hash tree in Wikipedia—not Me. Hash tree?! And apparently the same guy did IconHandler. Appropriate as The Jenius reaches iconic status…

Global Voices quote? Me.

Gil Schmidt as a Psy. D.? I’d rather be a Republican Constable in the Deep South.

GilBob.com? Puh-lease.

Page 3:
Gil Schmidt as Winnetka Golf Crew leader: they also serve who mow and rake. Tim Schmidt is the Tennis Manager. Stinks of nepotism.

Another Dr. Gil Schmidt, this one a V.P. of Academic Affairs. I’d rather be a Psy. D.

The Colerain Alumni Association has Schmidts coming out of their wazoo, none of whom are Me.

Manning’s Eclipse in Action? Me and I’m damn proud of that project.

Hmmm…seems Charles “Gil” Schmidt moves around a lot…

Gil Schmidt owns (owned?) a Cold Stone Creamery in Arizona. I wonder if I’d get free eats, what with sharing the owner’s name and all?

How the hell does one of My articles end up on something called life(over IP) merits a Congressional investigation. Maybe the constable can do something about this travesty. I may need that Psy. D. after all. Or someone's gonna need that emergency surgeon.

Okay, since most people don’t go past three pages of results, I’ll cut this Index short of its 11 fascinating pages. But you might want to check out Page 4 (Lip-sticking and Wallo World), how I’m not the Indians coach on Page 6, how I’m not the Napa wrestling coach on Page 7 and the Mount Kilimanjaro pics of the emergency surgeon on Page 8.

The Jenius is glad We had so much fun doing this!!

The Jenius Has Spoken.

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