15 April 2009

Jenius Phone Calls

Here are some phone calls I'd like to make and how they might turn out:

To Our (non)governor, Luis "The Larva" Fortuño: "Hello? Can you describe your current administration in terms of measurable positive results in terms of leadership?... Hello? Hello?"

To the local sheep We call media: "Hello. When was the last time you asked any significant local leader a probing, well-researched question challenged their expressed views?... What do you mean that's a trick question?"

To nominated Education Secretary Carlos "Limbaugh's a Liberal" Chardón: "Hello, Carlos. How many days left before you split that wreck of a department and go back to slinging hash with the national Republican Party?... Less than 51, but more than 1?... Can you be more precise or are you talking about statehood?"

To Head Beggar Pedro "Justice is (Conveniently) Blind" Pierluisi: "Hello. What's on your agenda for today?... Okay, how about tomorrow?... Next week?... I see.... When will you have something useful to do?... Good. What will you be doing then?... That's all? You're not getting paid for this vacation, are you?"

To the main offices of the Puerto Ricans for Puerto Rico party: "You have reached a number that has been disconnected and was never really in service. Don't bother looking for another number: there won't be one."

To former (un)governor Aníbal "The Jellyfish" Acevedo: "Hello. You've spent 16 years in public life spinning everything related to you into your own angle. Why have you been so quiet after your "not guilty" result? Is it because you are very very aware that it was dismissed on technicalities and you want to make sure nothing else is coming back at you? Or have you been warned the other shoe is about to drop?"

To government employees: "Hell, you guys aren't going to allow 30,000 of your fellow parasites to get lopped, will you? You want this bloated gravy train to keep lurching along, don't you? So let Me guess: your plan is to slow everything down so that even less gets done, right? Nobody told Me...but you just confirmed it."

To those of Us who get it: "Hi. What are We to do now? Short of a coup, what options do We have? And why are there so few of Us left?... True, but if We don't make an honest effort, are We really the kind of person We think We are?... Hey, tough times require tough questions. Now ask yours."

The Jenius Has Spoken.


Bradpetehoops said...

Very nice blog. Have a nice day.

KW said...

Here's my questions:

1. Got any guns?
2. What crisis will it take for us to finally do something?
3. Got any tea?
4. Do you wanna tea bag everyone in the capital and forteleza?
5. How do you get people to listen when they only hear what the want?
6. Which pill do you want? The red one or the blue one? (Sorry there wasn't a green or brown pill in the movie.)
7. Can we identify anyone, I MEAN ANYONE, with at least a little bit of influence that will listen to us?
8. If we do, what are the chances they'll become a spokesperson for our agenda?
9. What's our agenda again?
10. When do you want to meet for coffee?

GCSchmidt said...

1. No.

2. A major financial collapse that causes 20-25% job loss. At that point, for the government to bail Us out will require that it trim its size to focus solely on core services. Even then it will take 5-15 years to get things to a reasonable level.

3. Yes. Green, black and chai.

4. Yes. Twice.

5. Threaten their pocketbook. It's what politicians--Fools all--do. Our way would be to alert them, stridently and consistently, as to HOW the threats actually DO harm them over and over.

6. No orange pill? I'll take a black one.

7. I'm sure We can. Are We really looking for one?

8. Depends on who makes the approach. Influential people are status-conscious: whoever pitches them Our agenda would have to have a similar social/professional status to Our target to increase the chance of making it work. Or We can clone Me and teach the semi-bastard to smile at Fools and speak nicely.

9. Tough one. In brief: Entrepreneurial economic growth (slash government jobs and red tape, and set-up costs and taxes); world-class education (slash department jobs and red tape, increase teacher standards, make them license themselves periodically, integrate technology into the curriculum, establish Our OWN curriculum, global perspective of math, sciences and history); energy alternatives (solar, wind, wave, geothermal). Or maybe something else altogether so long as We act like productive grown-ups instead of whiny 12-year olds.

10. Anytime I'm in your neck of the jungle.