27 April 2009

Larva Numbers

---In case you're wondering how many government jobs (non)governor Luis "The Larva" Fortuño has chopped from the humongous tumor We have mucking up the Island, I think the current tally is 14.

What? You're not counting the several dozen high-paid consultants that got added to the payroll against the very underwhelming response to early retirement and voluntary cutbacks in hours? Puh-lease.

---On a scale of 1 to 10, how complete is The Larva's Cabinet? 6.

No Health Secretary and no broad second-tier department teams in place. I keep trying to avoid typing Chinese fire drill... Aw, hell!

---Number of options the local Department of Education has to avoid getting bitch-slapped by the Feds: 4.

But three of them are exile, being swallowed by a whale and time travel.

---Number of waffles The Larva has plopped on Us in his first 100+ days as (non)governor: 38.

On everything from taxes to budget to legislation to party politics to what he thinks is pop culture, The Larva seems to be a Laspeyresia saltitans. 

Don't say The Jenius never teaches you anything...

---Real level of unemployment: 50%. What The Larva will claim: 17%.

If you toss in the welfare slackers, We're closer to 35-40% unemployment. Throw in the undergrounders who often also inhabit the welfare slacker group and We're technically in the 50% range. Half Our adult population doesn't work and of the other half, the government half just doesn't work. When 50% of your people are slackers or off-the-books opportunists and 25% are government drains, what's the other 25% to do?

---Number of times The Larva will successfully impose his decisions on his party, 2009-2012: 2.

Yeah. He's leadership material in the way wet vermicelli is to a tanker anchor chain...

---Number of times We deserve The Larva and his ilk: 0. 

Unless you go with the theory of a democracy electing the government it deserves, in which case the number is 100. As in percent.

The Jenius Has Spoken.

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