10 May 2010

10 Ways We Become Poor

Here's a Jenial Public Service for some of you: 10 Ways to Become Poor:

1. Spend more than you make.
The average Puerto Rican spends 3% more than he or she makes or receives from welfare. Woo. Hoo.

2. Lust after what you don’t have.
Consumerism, an undeniable evil in Our society, cannot happen unless We suffer from an open combination of envy and greed.

3. Never give to anyone.
Oddly enough, We are generous in emergencies, but profess open contempt for giving in daily situations. Still, We give more than most people, only We tend to act crabby about it.

4. Don’t pay attention to where you money goes.
Corollary to point #1, to not saving and to using plastic instead of cash. Oh, and easy credit with killer interest rates that We ravenously sign up for because the monthly payment is "only $89!

5. Get a loan for everything…cars, a new bedroom set, a vacation ***BONUS: Use credit cards with a 25% interest rate!
I think I just touched on this point...but it bears repeating until We get it.

6. Wait for the perfect time to start saving.
HAHAHAHAHAhahahahaahahapoorhouse. We NEVER have a "perfect" time for saving. That's for "idiots," also know as "wealthy people."

7. Follow the crowd.
Slavishly. Jam your nose into the butt of the guy or gal in front of you and followfollowfollow. Buy what they buy, spend more than the spend and don't even try to think differently than the sheep. Oh, and bitch to high hell about how bad things are because "they" won't fix it.

8. Don’t worry about the little things, they don’t really add up.
I get a kick out of people who go to a casino and lose $40-$50 or more and say "That's okay. I was here to have fun." Actually, I don't get a kick out of those people: I want to kick them in the head. Won't hurt them anyway: they're brainless. Just like the numbskulls who buy coffee at Starbucks for $8.

9. Invest your money in things that you know nothing about.
Lottery, anyone? Iraqi dinars, anyone? (And listen, you Iraqi dinar-buying shitheads: I wrote about this almost 5 years ago. Get a hint.)  

10. Waste stuff – money, food, time.
Waste not, want not. Don't waste money if you want to have plenty of it. Same with food and time. The problem is that the responsibility for doing that rests solely on the person. No one else to blame if you waste money, food, time and anything else. Most of Us can't handle that responsibility. Pitiful. No wonder so many of us are so poor.

The Jenius Has Spoken.


Prometeo said...

Had I read this blog post a few years earlier my life would have been easier. I had to learn those the hard way.

GCSchmidt said...

Sorry to hear that, but I gather you learned. Think how bad it is for those who never do.

Davsot said...

Is it wrong that all my life this has been common sense for me?

I see my friends leaping for their multiple student loans just so they can go to a "prestigious" university.

I am never taking out a student loan greater than $2000. That another bullet point. Know your limits.

8% interest on student loan is the most evil thing the Federal government has ever come up with after the Income Tax.

Glad to see you writing frequently Gil. I'm davsot from twitter and I ENJOY your blog. :D

Made a new website about Art Deco: http://artdecopr.org/