09 January 2012

A Change In Inner Voice

Stopped at a gas station, for petrol. (Look it up.) Read a banner about a jazz fest. Weekend event. City park known more for being "kiddie-oriented" and across the way from the Central American and Caribbean Games facilities in Mayagüez, about 20 minutes from Chez Jenius. Borders the ocean. Nice place. The park; not Chez Jenius, which is a nice place, but not near the ocean. Sometimes in a lake, though...

Jazz. Not my favorite kind of music. None of the musicians and groups rang a bell. (Maybe while performing...) But Mrs. Jenius and I have a habit of just taking off and going places, seeing things, exploring. Our inner voices on events like this are a combination of "Could be fun," "Never done that," "What else can We discover?" and in My case, "What will I end up writing about?"

Personally, My inner voice adds sub-vocally: "I hope it isn't crowded." Don't like crowds. Can deal with them well now, but still don't like 'em.

Back to the jazz event. Colorful poster. No Jenius plans for that weekend. Mrs. Jenius and I always looking for a something new. Close by. Different. (Mrs. Jenius is a clarinetist, but jazz is not her main musical taste, either.) And then, My inner voice pipes up...

"Yeah, but what if you get shot?"

Public event, across the street from a housing project, a couple of thousand people expected, beer galore, on an Island where murders are close to 100 a month...

Made Me pause. My inner voice was definitely yapping negative. Made it shut up. But the point had been made.

It's not the same Island, is it?

Shook My head. Drove to Chez Jenius. Thought about the poster, the event, the location, My inner voice...Mentioned the event to Mrs. Jenius. Took her a second to answer...

"Sounds good. But what if something happens?"

The "something" Mrs. Jenius referred to wasn't "something good," or "odd" or even "awkward." The "something" was "something bad." This from a woman who hiked into the Amazon and has also voluntarily tended to the sick and injured along the Haiti-Dominican Republic border and the drug-filled streets of San Juan. She's not the sunniest optimist, but she's not the gloomiest pessimist, either. Her inner voice has changed, too.

And for the sunniest of optimists, like Me, that change in Our inner voices is heart-breaking.

We blame the pathetic excuse We have for a (non)governor and his hyena pack of vandals, and yes, they deserve part of the blame. But I've said many times: We are to blame as well. What brings Me back to that topic now is that when Our inner voice changes, everything else changes as well. Mine is going from "adventure" to "caution," while that of many of My Brethren is going from "I don't care" to "I'm getting out of here."

So I ask: does that sound like a formula for success?

That's My inner voice making itself heard. Wonder what your inner voice says in response...


The Jenius Has Spoken.

1 comment:

Gabriel Pagan said...

A friend of mine has a store with a big showroom. He tells me the other day a woman with a "rich cafre" look (exaclty what you just imagined) came in a bought some really expensive merchandise. She got out a big bag of cash to pay. My friend got really nervous and started looking outside and looking at places for cover. The cashier did the transaction, ready to run if needed. Why does cash make people nervous? She was obviously the "wife" of a bichote and you never know when someone is going to come after her guns blazing.
When I drive, I'm not distracter by texting, I'm distracted by looking around looking out if someone is about to start a shootout.
This is our reality...