The Larva's Number Is Up

The image is indelible to open-eyed and open-minded observers of Election Night 2008, as newly-elected governor Luis "The Larva" Fortuño was trying to speak to the crowd outside of the party's headquarters. Television reporters had already commented on how New Progressive Party (neither one, nor the other, nor the other) """leaders""" were openly angling for legislative presidencies and in fact, some of their speeches had already shouted out their intentions. Then, with the Island's vote tally at about 85% complete, it was the new governor's turn to spew, er, speak.

And as soon as he started saying that legislative positions were not be discussed until later, Thomas "Mad Dog" Rivera snatches the microphone from The Larva and contradicts him.

Game. Set. Match. The Larva's days were clearly numbered and beyond any shadow of any doubt in any way, no one can deny that The Larva's governorship will end in 2012.

Because it was over in 2008.

Back to that night. The Larva had only 3 possible responses to that blatant and humiliating insult he received in what should have been his moment of (temporary) glory:

1) Continue his speech and then decapitate Mad Dog and his cronies during in-party meetings prior to occupying La Fortaleza.

2) Force a confrontation right there, at the mike, to make it clear that The Larva was the supreme leader of the party and the upcoming government.

3) Punch Mad Dog in his BB-sized nuts.


The Larva did none of these, and with three years of ineptitude on the books, some of it caused by in-party divisiveness, 2012 is the curtain for this (non)governor. His countdown is in single-digits at tbis point.

There is one number that will literally kill The Larva: 1,136, the number of murders committed in Puerto Rico during 2011.

The previous record was 985, so 2011 marked a 15.3% increase in murders, 151 deaths beyond what was Our bloodiest year ever. Tack on the declining employment stats, reduced federal funds because The Larva's party harbors thieves and encourages them to steal, increased taxes and fees, declining population and total trashing of Our credit and you are looking at a Larva about to be crushed.

[While I'm here, why the hell don't We have a recall system in place? Either that or baseball bats upside the head, but We have to implement a system to get Fools out without waiting for the calendar and the idiot vote.]

Even a party as flat(ulent) as the Popular Democratic Party (neither one, nor the other, nor the other) can beat The Larva, even with their Loopy Pony of a candidate, Alejandro García, a dark horse looking for a race he can win...but a race implies competition and that's where the Loopy Pony stumbles.  However, given the in-party fighting that The Larva faces, even if the PDP beats the incumbent, it doesn't mean that they will win: they have to look beyond The Larva and beat down the Mad Dog, too.

(That We as the people don't win no matter who gains La Fortaleza is a given; I'm just focusing on the Mad Dog and Loopy Pony show here.)

And as if that weren't enough, behind the Mad Dog (in a figurative sense, not in a supportive sense) lies Jenniffer "Gluttonny" González, a Queen Kong in the (temporary) shadow of a Bark Vader. So the Loopy Pony is not even in a match race: he's in a stakes race, the stakes being "Puerto Rico" and the stakes being driven through Our chests, to push a metaphor to beyond the breaking point.

Which is where We are and have been for years. The Larva's number is up; Ours really is, too. We can see what's going to happen to the pencil-brained feeb...but can We see what's going to happen to Us?

And care enough to avoid it?



The Jenius Has Spoken.