14 January 2009

Larval Leadership...Not

My Friend, Kevin Shockey, calls Me up to give Me the news: I was right. About Luis "The Larva" Fortuño and his now obvious to most of you lack of leadership ability. The trigger point: The Larva withdrew his "economic stimulus proposal" barely a day after presenting them.

Now you might say that everyone's entitled to correct a mistake and I would say that since I don't make any, why should you? The point isn't that a mistake was corrected, but that this was The Larva's first big act as governor--one he's been preparing since early November--and he screwed it up royally.

This comes on top of a three nominees to key posts that reek, stink and emit bad smells from here to El Yunque. Fortuño has so far shown a distinct incapacity to do three things:

1) Control "his" party: Thomas "Mad Dog" Rivera has already bulldozed The Larva behind the party's closed doors; he's set to do that openly in the Cabinet nominee process.

2) Present real solutions to Our very real problems: See the retraction and listen to the white noise he emits about the future.

3) Define himself or his "team": No central theme or key goals are brought up, with everything in a fog of "change" and "hard work." Uh-huh. And Mars has methane. So what?

Now if this were something only We (in Puerto Rico) were looking at, as it usually is, We'd be copacetic about the whole thing. But when the Wall Street Journal points to The Larva as "an example to Republicans" and "a person (they) should be emulating," then I've gotta say "Hold the toilet!"

The Larva as the model for Republican candidates? My first thought was Good way to get those retards out of the way. Then I read the rest of the article... and giggled. Couldn't help Myself:

--At a forum Monday, (Republican Party Chairman Mike) Duncan said he was inspired as he watched the Fortuno inauguration in San Juan. The governor, he said, "ran a very conservative campaign in a state, a territory, that has severe economic problems right now. But he said, 'We don't need these 11,000 new government employees put on by the opposition party. We can't tax our way to prosperity. [HAHAHAhahaharight. So what does The Larva offer off the bat? Taxes... for "prosperity." The Republican model since Bush, Sr.: Lie, lie, LIE about taxes.]

--Saul Anuzis, who is vying with Mr. Duncan for the RNC chairmanship, says Mr. Fortuno represents "the direction we need to be going in." Mr. Fortuno won by 11 percentage points, a margin that Puerto Rico hadn't seen since 1964, and he was sworn in 35 years after the island's last Republican governor left office. [HAHAHAhahahadork. Uh, you mean "Republican" or "quasi-Republican? In Puerto Rico, both parties have delegates in both national parties. I'd call it incest, but this a family blog...]

--The timing couldn't be better for Mr. Fortuno because the GOP is turning to telegenic, high-wattage outside-the-Beltway politicians -- including Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin and Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal -- to light a new path to power. [HAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahafucktardsall. "Telegenic"? Maybe Sarah "Moose Girl" Palin is telegenic, but The Larva looks like somebody's well-washed appendix. "High-wattage"? Palin's a dim bulb and Jindal's on some radars, but The Larva is just bland. He's got the radiance of a night light.]

--Mr. Fortuno's advantage in running against an opponent who faces federal corruption charges -- former Gov. Anibal Acevedo Vila -- is another selling point as Republicans seek to portray themselves as clean crusaders. That theme emerged strongly after political newcomer Anh "Joseph" Cao surprised a number of analysts by defeating indicted Rep. William Jefferson in New Orleans to become the first Vietnamese-American congressman. [HAHAHAHAHAhahahahahalunatics. Running against a man accused of corruption is "a selling point"? Is writer Easha Anand an idiot? And do Republicans ACTUALLY see "a theme" after some dark horse candidate beats a guy who was found with illegally-obtained cash in his fridge, a guy considered the most corrupt member of Congress? In other words, Republicans want to run against a crooks in order to win, but the problem is, they got most of the crooks? I'd say that's a problem...]

As Kevin pointed out, larvas, like jellyfish, also lack spines. (That's why I call Fortuño The Larva...) Not two weeks into his only term as faux-governor, The Larva is already proving Me right. At his current best, he can only continue to do so, by limping headlong into a battle with the Mad Dog and getting swatted like a bug. Unless his larval form can generate some testicles and insight, The Larva will remain spineless, clueless and hopeless. 

What a model for Our future. What a model for the Republican's recent past and near future.

The Jenius Has Spoken.

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