17 October 2012

Name Your Poison

The Larva...or Larva Lite?

Asshole Beggar with 4 years' worth of callouses on his knees or Asshole Beggar with no callouses anywhere? (Yet.)

A legislative (out)house with statehood thieves running rampant or a legislative (out)house with commonwealth apologists scheming to set up bigger scams?

Or how about a combination: Larva Lite plus Asshole Beggar with 4 years' worth of callouses on his knees and a even bigger legislative (out)house still dominated by statehood thieves being watched by rookie parasites?

Let Me put some names on these bags of pigcrap. The Larva is current (non)governor Luis Fortuño, he of the pencil neck and lead charm. Larva Lite is his opponent from the commonwealth party, Alejandro García, who like The Larva is a technocrat with the leadership skills of runny moss, but less experience.

Asshole Beggar is what Our Constitution calls the Resident Commissioner, the non-voting member of Congress whose only job is to suck...up to gringos and try to wheedle more money for welfare and party pockets. The current Asshole Beggar is Pedro Pierluisi, who acts like being at his party's events is like being a judge at a fart-smelling contest. His challenger is some non-cipher called Robert Cox and no, I will not use his last name to make a joke about sucking...up to Congress.

The legislative (out)house is roundly dominated by the statehood party, but has always been at loggerheads with The Larva, so it's actually like two bands of thieves fighting over loot. Given that The Larva is running far behind in polls (actually, he never runs: he kind of waddle-slides) and that 3 new parties have tossed their filthy underwear into the ring, We might be headed for a gang-bang poison chug-a-thon of historical proportions.

You see, one of the quirky brainfarts in Our Constitution is that if one party gains a "super-majority" in the legislative (out)house, members from other parties, based on the voting percentages garnered, are added to the (parasitic) body in order to reduce the "super" and leave just a majority.

So here's what could happen to have Us staggering like pole-axed oxen come January 2, 2013 (the day all hell will break loose):

--Larva Lite gets elected as (faux)governor with barely 50% of the total votes cast.

--Asshole Beggar with Callouses On Craven Knees (ABCOCK) wins with an easy majority of the votes, around 55%, meaning he--the "Washington Whiner"--is "more powerful" than the "Fortaleza Feeb."

--Of the 4 remaining parties, one gets enough votes to validate members in the legislative (out)house (the independence party), but at least one other party reaches the magical 2.5% voting percentage to trigger participation in...

--Balancing a legislative (out)house that again shows a "super majority" of statehood party vermin, proving again that Our voters are the stupidest creatures on Earth.

End result? A split government with the (faux)governor of one party having to square off against the experienced COCK...Asshole Beggar of the other, while the legislative (out)house blocks as many (faux)governor actions as it can and tries to rebalance its shenanigans with 3-4 new members as loose cannons...until the cash flow is properly resettled.

Oh, and to add rotting fish and spoiled veggies to the mix, while We're at the voting booths there will be two plebiscites: one to decide whether We want to amp up the status noise to 11 for a year or two and the other a repeat vote on whether to reduce the size of the legislative (out)house.

You know, there are slow ways to commit suicide and fast ways. We are choosing a very very slow way...

The Jenius Has Spoken.

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