09 February 2010

Our Status: The Bad

If an alien species with fully-adaptive abilities to transform its body at the functional level to best fit the planet it lands on comes to Earth, what would it breathe?

No. It would breathe nitrogen. Look it up.

Why the sci-fi non-sequitur? Because Life can exist perfectly well even when it ignores the most common element surrounding it. Just like We do with Our status.

Our status is the topic of thousands of conversations and hundreds of arguments, the putative basis for three ideological parties of which two show up to work against Us and the other only to collect taxpayer monies every four years and the greatest divider since the vinculum. It is also the trash can of Our conscience, the vomitorium for Our hopes and dreams, the toilet for Our economy and the oft-reamed bunghole of Our history.

Our status. Long may it weigh.

And here's the simplest truth about it: it really means nothing--absolutely NOTHING--because the powers that be do not want to resolve it.

Let Me repeat that: the powers that be DO NOT want to resolve it.

Here, Let Me show you:

Statehood: Power to grant it: U.S. of part of A. They don't want to. Period. 

"Enhanced" commonwealth: Power to grant it: U.S. of part of A. They don't want to. Period. 

Independence: Power to grant it: Us. We don't want to. Period.

Now I've said it before that the U.S. of part of A. categorically, undeniably, totally and without any fershluggin' doubt will not EVER grant statehood to Puerto Rico. I've pointed out that it hasn't even come CLOSE to happening in 112 years, that it didn't even come CLOSE to happening when We were worthy of exploitation (same post) and that statehood is a non-issue no matter how idiotic a loony-bin your opinion is.

"Enhanced" commonwealth is in the same sunken boat, a "status solution" akin to a teen stoner's heavy-tongued request of "Uh, give Us more money and uh, you know, uh more, uh freedoms, like, you know, rights and stuff, but don't, uh you, don't ask any more of Us, cuz, you know, We don't want that. No." Why would any sovereign nation, already getting the better part of the deal, want to give up any part of that...especially when it absolutely, undeniably, totally and without any perplunkin' doubt DOES NOT have to?

And what about independence, that Olympian ideal that sets hearts to pounding amidst misty eyes and lumps-in-throats? Well, We're scared of it. Scared. Like chihuahuas in a Siberian tiger's cage. Like comely virgins in a Vikings' prison ship. Like one of Our politicians when confronted by a smart question.

Now note that although 2 of the 3 status options place the "negation blame" on the U.S. of part of A., the ultimate blame--and blame it is--lies on Us for not having the stones to make up Our minds.

Any way you look at this, the basis of the status question deemd "ubiquitous" and "all-important" by so many of Us, only be seeing it as it truly is do you realize that it is entirely irrelevant to anything real, totally irrelevant to anything important happening in Puerto Rico, to Our Life on a daily basis--except for purposes of political manipulation.

Here, people, I'll spell it out  for you: Status is the string set, We are the motherhumpin' puppets.

And as long as those strings are not cut, We will continue to let Ourselves dance to the greedy tune of verminous manipulators .

Part II on Our Status...coming up.

The Jenius Has Spoken.


The Insider said...

You're right on Gil. I think it's a safe bet that the USA ranks Puerto Rico about one slot above Haiti on their list of mergers and acquisitions targets. And so they should. After all, in the business world, nobody acquires huge liabilities that have almost zero chance of providing any sort of ROI... such as an island paradise that can't even figure out how tourism works.

Kofla Olivieri said...

The United States will never grant Puerto Rico it's independence or statehood. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

The Insider said...

What "milk"?

GCSchmidt said...

Insider, you are spot-on: We are a business deal, no more, no less.

Kofla, We truly are a cash cow. Statehood is a non-issue, I agree, but independence could come about if We are (a) too huge a financial drag or (b) too much of an embarrassment to the U.S. of part of A., neither of which is a path I want Us to tread.

And Insider, Our milk is good enough to keep Us in the stable, but not enough to give Us Our own stable. Ugh, I just thought of "Animal Farm."